An Unlikely Romance
by Rizember
Summary: Naruto has awoken as a fox with no recollection of ever being human. He is found near Ichiraku's...surprise suprise...by Sasuke who takes him in. Meanwhile, everyone is looking for the human Naruto...
1. An Unlikely Beginning

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Chapter 1: I do not belong to you**

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**For windalchemist001 , who saved my fic's butt…**

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**Summary:** Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human...He's found by Sasuke who decides to take him in...In the meantime, everyone's around looking for the human Naruto...

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**Disclaimer:** yadee yadaa, I own nadaa...

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**Naruto's POV**

The air was chilly and the birds were chirping.

It was because of these two vague clues that my awesome powers of deduction came to an ingenious conclusion:

It was morning.

I opened one eye to check, just in case...and indeed, the sun was just rising.

Man, I'm awesome.

Wait...

The stupid birds had woken me up at _dawn_.

What the hell.

The sun was barely present and birds were already chirping beautifully.

_Stupid _birds.

What I wouldn't give to have them all spontaneously combust...

I blinked and looked up at the trees.

For some reason, it seemed strange that I should be there but where else would I be?

Staring up at the tree harboring these fools of nature, I stretched and smiled.

Plotting evil early in the morning is just one of the simple joys of life.

I leapt onto the tree and, defying the one law of gravity (which states: Stay down fool), I crept up it.

Feeling particularly wicked, I stuck my claws into a tree and crept up, not wanting to get permission from gravity or any of the other pompous laws of nature.

The offending birds were blissfully unaware of my presence.

Pulling myself up, I growled and stared hard at the offending birds.

Glare.

Chirp.

Snarl.

Chirp.

Growl.

Chirp.

Chirp... chirp.

Deciding to cut this short, I leapt onto their branch and laughed heartily as they squawked madly and flew away.

Tch.

Idiots.

I made my way to the stream.

The sun was finally up but it was still terribly early...oh well, at least I'd gotten rid of the birds.

You know when people describe a beautiful sunrise being all golden and glorious?

Well… It's actually a rather disappointing yellow.

I leaned down over the water and paused, looking at my reflection.

Wow.

I am one_ good looking _fox.

I don't mean to brag but... _Damn._

I mean, you should see me...this beauty is unparalleled.

I stretched, swishing my four tails and-

Hmm.

Four tails...

Four… _tails_...

I _knew _it!

I knew something was strange!

I AM FOUR TIMES AS GOOD LOOKING AS THE AVERAGE FOX!

How did I not figure this out _sooner_?

With my dark golden fur and innocent baby blue eyes, I'd be ruling the forest in a matter of _minutes_!

Being this hot should be considered an S-class jutsu, whatever that means.

With these looks, world domination is inevitable.

Tearing myself from my gaze lest I give in to the fate of Narcissus (and let's face it, I'm way smarter than _that_ guy), I leaned further toward the river.

I took a drink of water, careful not to fall in cause that would just be _really _gross- swimming in my drinking water...

Eew.

Besides, I hate getting wet.

As I looked away from myself (which was almost impossible ), I turned back to face the forest and caught the scent of something that was definitely _not_ from the forest. Cause really, all I ever smell _here_ is pee from those idiot animals that seem to think it's necessary to go around marking their territory with piss.

The unsanitary vagrants.

But I digress...

I had caught the whiff of a heavenly scent; the smell of something that promised to solve all my problems, cure incurable diseases and gain world peace.

Blindly, I followed it.

It was wonderful, powerful... Just calling out to me like a lover in one of those shows where everyone's related to everyone else and there's always some guy called Fernando.

I rushed through the forest and hesitated slightly when I reached a wall.

A wall meant people.

People mean fur coats.

Fur coats meant rich, old ladies.

I'm rather attached to my fur and I don't think old ladies could pull it off quite as well as I do.

I should head back.

It should be instinct to stay away but...

That smell!

Maybe I should go ba-

Ah, screw it!

Whatever caution I had (barely) left me as I climbed the walls and leapt into a dark alleyway.

People were up and moving about and there were a bunch of other people leaping from the rooftops. They didn't matter though; the people on the ground, however, did.

They would delay my progress but I had all the time in the world. It's not like a fox has work to be early for.

I snuck past the people, using my natural cunning, magnificent grace and astonishing speed- and then I saw it: the place where the breathtaking scent was coming from.

Ichiraku's ramen.

Yeah, I can read... and as soon as I get to eat whatever it is that's smelling so good, I'll ponder deeply on why exactly I can read.

But for now, the laws of the universe can wait.

I'm hungry.

I ran over to the stand, dodging feet, dropped fruit and a baby carriage.

I was the epitome of stealth.

My mouth was watering and if they weren't careful, the villagers would be drowned soon.

I was almost there. Just a few more feet...

Just-

WHAT THE HELL! GET OFF MY TAIL, YOU CRETIN!

I hissed that the offending foot, biting it as the person flinched and got off my tail.

I glared up at the fool who _dared _-

The 'fool' was glaring back at me.

I hissed defiantly.

_If you hadn't stepped on my tail, I wouldn't have bitten you. Now we're even. _

_Run along. _

_Go on, shoo. _

_SCRAM! Do you speak-?_

He picked me up by the scruff of my neck, which bloody _hurt, _and had me hissing again and-

"Oooh...Sasuke, she's so _cute_!"

I was taken away and crushed against two round...

Was I in heaven?

I blinked and looked up at a pink haired girl who was cooing down at me.

"Oh wow, where did you find her?"

I was pulled into another pair of arms and even more squishy, round...

Mmm...

See what I said about world domination?

This one had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes (much less beautiful than mine) but her...Ahem...chest was quite impressive I must admit.

Unfortunately, she squealed.

"You can live with me!"

Pinky growled, "Like hell she will! She's coming with me!"

I blinked.

She?

Twitch.

_I'm a boy, you morons!_

"He's mine."

We froze and turned slowly to face my executioner, 'Sasuke' I think it was.

His face was expressionless as he took me into his arms and held me like I was a freakin _pet_.

Damn him.

Thinks he's the bloody godfather or something...

Come to think of it, I can totally see him in the Mafia.

Well, at least he knows I'm male.

The girls sighed, disappointed and Pinky said, "Fine Sasuke. _You _found her first anyway."

**Him**, dammit!

"Him."

The girls blinked.

"Huh?"

The bastard then turned me upside-down and-

AW CRAP!

Please tell me they are **not **all staring at my crown jewels...

The damn **perverts**!

"Oh," Pinky said breathlessly.

I smirked.

Yeah baby...

She was so obviously _impressed_.

Dr. Evil then put me the right side up and I growled at him.

He probably has some kind of animal fetish he needs to use me for.

I gulped.

The girls waved and left, but not before taking my paw and saying, "Shake."

_What am I, a bloody retriever? _

_I'm a fox, you retards! Not a dog. Say it with me...fox...f-o-x..._

_Now I know this may confuse you because fox and dog do have three letters each but we do not look alike at all!_

_Dammit, I'm gorgeous!_

Then something clicked, the gears in my head being unusually slow today.

The dark haired, dark eyed, tail-crushing boy had said I was his.

His.

I'm a freaking w_ild animal_!

I have rights! I have feelings! I have _opinions_!

I do **not **belong to you!

But the girls were walking away and my desperate hissing was being ignored by everyone.

What?

Did they think it was happy hissing? I'm not a snake, they should be worried! They should call animal control! They should call PETA! They should give me some food!

_I don't wanna go with Sasuke! He's scary!_

But it was too late.

We were already at what I assumed was his home.

There were lots of houses there...but no one else was around.

Weird.

"I live alone," Sasuke said, as if he as trying to explain it to me.

Okay...so either the boy was super rich which would explain the massive complex all too himself...or he'd done in his whole family.

I struggled to get out of his grasp...

I was too cute to die!

Heck, I've never even mated before!

I DON'T WANNA DIE A VIRGIN! I DON'T-

Mmmm...

He was stroking under my chin.

A little to the left...yeah...right there... Mhmmm...

Hell no. I did not just purr. That was all in _his _imagination.

In a moment of weakness on his part (or a pause in his stroking, whatever), I leaped out of his arms.

I am not some stupid pet.

I am a respectable, highly attractive fox who deserves to be-

"You need a bath. You'll feel better after."

I looked up at him in disbelief.

Was he an idiot or what?

I'M HUNGRY! DO YOU HEAR ME, BOY? HUNGRY!

I huffed as he left, obviously ignoring me.

I suspect he doesn't speak fox.

I looked around at the nicely furnished room.

The doors and windows were all closed but it was far from stuffy.

I walked into what I assumed was the dining room and smirked.

It was well decorated and furnished, too.

I sniggered.

The boy was probably gay.

I went through every open room in the house. There were three locked doors I couldn't get in and one closed one that I approached with caution.

I heard water running and backed away, remembering what he'd said.

A bath?

_Honestly?_

That'll make me _feel _better?

This guy's obviously on something dangerous.

There is a reason that there are no baths in the wild. We animals met many centuries ago and decided that smelling like strawberries just wasn't

natural.

Therefore, plan A.

I. must. escape.

The door swung open and just as I was about to high-tail it out of there, I was picked up by two of my tails- which hurt like _hell_- and I was abruptly

thrown into a tub half filled with warm water.

No...no...no...!

The water was laced with a lavender shampoo! Lavender!

Why?

My lovely, macho scent! Going down the drain! _No!_

I was scrubbed and washed in places I'd rather not recall, scrambling to get out the whole time.

When he drained the tub and picked me up, I glared at him, hoping he'd drop dead and I could go get some food.

He pulled out a towel and dried me.

When he put me down I ran to the living room and rolled around on the carpet, knowing I looked like a fuzzy ball of fluff and wanting desperately to

get back to normal.

He entered the room and chuckled.

"I take it you hate baths."

What was your first clue, Sherlock?

Sasuke picked me up and took me upstairs to one of the locked doors.

He took out a key and unlocked the door.

His room, I assume, was actually pretty neat, although it lacked posters and other teen stuff there.

He picked me up and put me on his bed.

It was really comfy...

He lay down next to me, opened a book and a packet of potato chips, which I quickly hijacked.

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke sighed.

"I know you're in! Come open the door or I'll just break it down!"

Swearing under his breath, Sasuke got up and left, I assume to open the door, even as I made short work of the chips.

I followed him down a few minutes later, having done away with the chips.

The pink haired girl from before was at the door, looking worried.

"Are you sure?" Sasuke was asking, sounding concerned, which seemed strange to me.

Sakura nodded. "No one's seen him since last week after he left for training."

Sasuke turned away, grabbing a coat-

"No," the girl stopped him with a stern look. "Tsunade said we have no idea what exactly is going on so she sent Kakashi and Yamato to look for him."

My ears perked up.

Someone was lost?

For the dark prince to be upset, must be someone close...

A brother?

"We can't just do _nothing._"

Sakura frowned, "Well, we can't help him until we know what-"

Sasuke made to leave. "I'll go, too."

"_No_, Sasuke," Sakura blocked the door, hands blazing green. "Naruto will be okay."

Sasuke sighed and nodded grudgingly.

I tilted my head, looking up at the poor sap.

He really seemed unhappy.

Before my pride realized what I was doing, I was curling up to his leg.

Sakura smiled warmly at me and Sasuke, after an impatient glance, picked me up and walked into the lounge.

Sakura followed and said, "I know you want to go and be the one to save him, if at all he needs saving, but Sasuke, I think you need to stay away from him, just for a while."

Sasuke nodded.

I sat there on his lap, actually interested.

Sakura sat down by him. "He was banged up pretty bad and I know he didn't show it but he _was _really glad you were back. It's just," she sighed. "He had to change and he

did, _a lot_...just so they could take him seriously and listen to him. You pretending everything is just the way it was definitely wasn't helping."

Sasuke turned away. "Hn."

I rolled my eyes.

What does 'Hn' mean anyway?

Wait, was Naruto his boyfriend?

"When he gets back, give him space will you?" Sakura continued. "I'm sure he'll come around."

Sasuke frowned, not bothering to reply.

I stared back and forth between them.

What the hell was going on?

Sakura stood and Sasuke picked me up, walking her to the door.

At the door, she smiled and patted my head, then smiled warmly at Sasuke.

"Don't worry. He's still your best friend..."

I think Sasuke almost smiled.

When Sakura left, Sasuke went into the kitchen.

After a few minutes, he returned with two bowls of...

_No_...it couldn't be...

...that heavenly scent from this morning...

"It's ramen," he said, placing the bowl on the floor in front of me.

He sat down with a book.

I couldn't believe it.

I licked at it, afraid it might not be real...then I lost all restraint and dug in.

When I was done, I looked up at him.

He was officially almost my hero.

Almost.

He smirked down at me.

I cocked my head at him, curious.

"You sort of remind me of him. You have the same eyes," Sasuke said before shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

I must admit, I felt bad for the schmuck...he did really look sad.

And looking sad didn't really seem like his kind of look.

I'm pretty sure he's more of an '**evil glare**' kinda guy...

I wondered what was up with him and fell asleep to the stroking motion of his hand under my chin.

Maybe staying here temporarily wouldn't be so bad...at least until I got the whole story...

What can I say?

I'm a sucker for love stories.

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**A/N: Again, windalchemist001, thanks!**

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	2. An Unlikely Understanding

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Chapter 2: You gotta be kiddin me**

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**thanks windalchemist001**

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**Disclaimer**: yadee, yadaa... I own nadaa...

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Everything was warm and smelt like strawberries.

I sighed and snuggled up next to...next to...

My eyes sprung open and I found myself staring at a sleeping, dark haired poster child for hot guys.

I panicked and furrowed out of the beddings and jumped off the bed.

I felt so _violated_.

I'd moved the covers when I escaped and could see that he slept... **naked**.

I wanted to scream!

Who the _hell _slept naked?

What if they got attacked or something?

Would they kindly ask said attacker to please pass them their boxers?

Yeah, I can see that going well.

_Attacker number 1_: We're here to kill you, Sasuke!

_Sasuke:_ Hn.

_Translation_: Could you pass me my boxers? They're on the dresser.

_Attacker number 2_: Oh, sure thing.

He passes Sasuke his boxers and then gets pummeled for doing that by Attacker number 1 who is _obviously _the brains of the operation.

Okay...so waking up next to naked guys isn't good for my already hyperactive mind. I'll be sure to remember that.

Looking back at Sasuke, I found myself wondering if we'd...

_'Idiot!'_ I scolded myself. '_You're a fox and he's a human_!'

But I'm _naked_!

Well...I'm always naked, I guess...

But that doesn't make the prospect of rape any less frightening!

And, oh my gosh, what if I get _pregnant_?

Okay, keep it together...YOU ARE A BOY! SO IS HE! AIN'T _**NOBODY **_GETTING PREGNANT!

I sighed, having successfully calmed myself down and stared at the sleeping boy.

He was kinda cute when he wasn't glaring all over the place...kinda.

I stretched and went to the door, my mind reverting to matters more important than rape...like food.

I think I saw a jar of cookies last night!

You may be wondering how I know what cookies are... Well, keep wondering cause I haven't the foggiest.

Do we have cookies in the wild? Maybe.

Anyway, his door was closed but I hadn't seen him lock it. But then again, I'd been asleep at the time, obviously.

Sasuke moaned in his sleep.

I turned, feeling something stir and then of course, I freaked out at what the hell I was feeling and leaped at the door handle.

The door opened a fraction.

YAY ME!

Not only am I hot, I'm a genius, too.

I am a hot genius.

I ran downstairs and leapt onto the kitchen counter.

I spotted the jar and moved with caution, sneaking up on the unsuspecting container and as I sprung-

"What are you doing?"

Darn it.

Sasuke was holding me up like a pest, glaring at me and I was sorely tempted to pee on him. It would serve him right.

But alas, I was all out of pee.

Sasuke was obviously not amused about the cookies.

What if he was a candy freak?

What if he tried to kill me for his cookies?

I gulped.

_I SWEAR I WAS ONLY GONNA TAKE ONE!_

He suddenly sighed and took a cookie out of the jar and... and...

...ate it himself...

The greedy bastard.

Desperate for a cookie, I mewled.

He looked down at me, a questioning look in his eyes.

UH..._YEAH_...I WANT A COOKIE...

What is he, stupid?

I looked from him back to the cookie jar then back to him.

He picked up another cookie...

I mewled in praise.

He'd finally gotten the-

What the _hell_! He ate that one, too!

I growled at him and he chuckled.

That evil _bastard_...

At least he'd put on his boxers, I noted. And his chest was kinda impressive...

I blinked angrily at those thoughts. He wasn't even a fox!

Finally, he handed me a cookie. I'm glad to say I almost bit him but he pulled his hand away just in time.

Tch. Lucky bastard.

He got up and walked to the bath.

I followed him, wondering what I had to do to get some ramen.

He went into the bathroom, came out, stared at me...and took a step forward.

I took a step back.

No way.

Uh-uh.

No.

He stepped forward again.

I stepped back.

No way in _hell_.

Forward.

Back.

Forward.

I ran for it and he was close behind me, chasing.

"Come back here...you!"

I laughed to myself.

Yeah, sure...I was just gonna stop and listen to him.

_Idiot_.

We were messing up the living room, I was dropping things off the table and he was trying to catch them _and _me...

I must admit, it was the best work out I've ever had.

I saw an opening at the door and made my way toward it and-

NO!

I was grabbed by my hind leg and tried, in vain, to kick him but when have you ever heard someone say, 'The fox attacked me viciously with its

hind leg'?

Yeah, my little leg would do him no harm.

Stupid leg.

I huffed angrily and glared at him while he smirked.

I struggled the best I could while he carried me to the bath.

WHY DO I NEED ANOTHER BATH?

I HAD ONE JUST _YESTERDAY_! I THINK I'M GOOD FOR AT LEAST THREE MORE MONTHS!

If he heard me, I was duly ignored.

He dropped me into the warm water and I growled and hissed my displeasure.

He was one twisted bastard.

How dare he do this to me!

How dare he clean me!

The bubbly water smelled different today.

Strawberries.

Oh _hell _no!

It was okay on him but what would my friends say?

I realized quickly that I couldn't remember if I had any friends at all.

Hmm.

Well, being the frightening beast I am, I probably ate them.

"You _are _sort of cute," Sasuke smirked.

So much for being a frightening beast...

"You'd make a great throw rug."

I shut my eyes in shame as he washed me, ignoring his harsh jibe and wondering why humans thought hygiene was so important anyway. I could lick myself clean _without _soap and water.

And now, well, now I couldn't even do that...cause I tasted clean and soapy.

Sasuke put me down and drained the bath before drying me again.

I scowled.

The prospect of bathing everyday did not appeal to me.

Sasuke put me back in his room and I rolled around in his covers till a book fell out from under his pillow.

I looked down at it curiously.

It was open.

I read the first line.

**July 12**

_I'm fully recovered and I left the hospital today. _

_I'm home now, if that's what I can call this place._

_This is to be my first entry and if I can stomach it, the first of many._

_I've always thought keeping a journal was a girly thing to do but Tsunade said I should think of this as a mission- an A-rank mission where the largest threat is her killing me if I don't do as she suggested (threatened)._

_Konoha hasn't changed in the time I've been gone._

_It has a new Hokage... That evil bitch, Tsunade, with her fake boobs and regular botox appointments._

_Seriously, where the hell did Naruto find her?_

_I was apparently out of it for almost a month._

_Yes, Naruto Uzumaki beat me in battle and brought me back. I'd never admit it to the idiot's face but; I'm glad he did._

_Naruto really did some damage. _

_I guess I hadn't expected him to get so strong, so fast...or even to reach my level at all._

_He was always chasing me so when did he find the time to train?_

_What happens now?_

_Orochimaru's dead and well, Itachi's alive somewhere._

_Naruto stopped me from killing him, the meddlesome idiot._

_But I'm okay with it._

_I found out about the elders and well, they are alittle deeper than six feet under so I guess Naruto saved me from a lot._

_Sometimes I still want to kill Itachi. It is his fault I'm alone now. I mean, he could have found a way that didn't involve killing our clan, couldn't he?_

_There's no point entertaining these thoughts though. I keep thinking Naruto will come back and attack me, just to make sure I'm still here._

_Tsunade said that, injured as he was, he brought us both back and saw to it that I was attended to before he passed out._

_I want to say thank you to him..._

_How strange._

_I haven't seen him in a while- since he pummeled me and brought me back, actually._

_But maybe that's a good thing._

**July 13**

_I saw him today._

_A lot has changed over the years._

_He talked politely with me and asked if I was okay then he left right after I called him dead-last, bowing and saying he had something to do._

_It doesn't matter I guess._

_Sakura visited me at home. _

_I asked her to tell me everything that had happened to Naruto while I was gone._

_Well, she did._

_According to her, Naruto had taken my leaving pretty hard and even worse, my attempts to stay where I was. He'd gotten serious with training- even more so than before and eventually, he'd become withdrawn. Not __**quiet **__cause that would have been completely out of character but he is more hushed than he was before._

_Sakura says its because he's afraid of making any more mistakes with people- with me._

_But, he has made some good (and powerful) friends like the Kazekage, the toad sannin (some pervert) and our Hokage, the slug sannin_

_He's grown to be a respectable ninja and has become, to the villagers, a mature young adult._

_Not like him at all._

**July 14**

_I saw Naruto at our old training grounds, earlier today. He was concentrating really hard and then he started shaking._

_He was hurt but he continued to train and he didn't miss even one target._

_I stepped out into the open and asked him why he was being such an idiot._

_He glared at me and told me to go away, wiping the blood from him hands and disappearing._

_Sakura says it's selfish of me to assume everything would just go back to normal with him after everything I did. _

_According to Naruto, he brought me back on a whim (the irony is almost amusing) and didn't kill me because he'd promised Sakura he'd bring me back._

_Well, he kept his promise..._

_I know I-_

The door swung open and Sasuke came in; a towel around his waist and one in his hands, drying his hair.

Sasuke looked at me and I stared back.

"Is that my journal?" He asked.

I sniffed at it, not wanting to know the experiments I'd have to undergo if anyone discovered a fox who could read .

He sighed and picked up the leather bound book and placed it back under his pillow.

Poor, unhappy bastard.

By now, I'd already concluded that he was a bastard (many types of bastard actually) but...now that I felt he needed my sympathy... Well, if a fox could pat someone on the back, I would.

I settled for placing my paw on his hand.

He smirked down at me, "Forgiven me for the bath already?"

I sniffed and jumped off the bed.

Like hell I have.

I went to the kitchen and waited.

He came down and threw me an amused glance.

Ramen, boy and make it snappy. I don't have all day.

He was dressed in cargo pants and matching vest.

Was he going out?

I mewled.

He put a cloak and mask on the table.

That was one ugly mask...was it supposed to be a squirrel?

"You hungry?"

I mewled.

No duh.

"I should stop calling you 'you'."

I completely agree. My name is...um...

My eyes widened.

My name! I didn't know my name!

"How about Kit?"

I looked up at him, embarrassed with myself.

How the hell did I manage to forget my name? Isn't that like the ultimate form of stupidity?

"Kit it is then."

I hissed.

I don't remember agreeing to that...but then, Kit didn't sound so bad.

He pulled out two small lunchboxes with instant ramen written on them.

"You'll get addicted to this soon enough," he sighed.

I cocked my head up at him. I didn't mind. Addiction to ramen sounded perfectly fine to me.

He heated them in an oven and handed me the first before turning and grabbing himself a pear.

As I ate, I couldn't help but wonder how this gift from the gods found its way into a lunchbox.

Sasuke was chuckling.

I looked up, wondering what the hell was so funny.

"You slurped."

That's it?

I _slurped_?

I shook my head sadly at him. He really needed to get out more; see a comedy show, get a girlfriend, get laid...

I felt for him.

He put on his cloak and mask and scratched behind my ear.

I let him, not because it felt good or anything like that, but because I am quite capable of pity and was presently showing him some.

It did _not _feel good.

He knelt beside me and said, "You really do remind me of him..."

I looked up at him blankly.

He sighed, patted me on the head. "I have an Anbu mission today. I won't be gone long."

I feigned stupidity.

"If you run away, I will not be amused."

No duh.

"And I will hunt you down."

Sure you will...

"And cut off one of your tails."

Uh huh...

Wait..._WHAT_?

And he was gone.

Bastard.

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**A/N: ****Hewo...**

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	3. An Unlikely Explanation

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Chapter 3: No, I don't care**

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**Disclaimer**: yadee yadaa, I own nadaa...

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I snuggled deeper into the warm beddings.

Darn, one of my tails was cold.

I pulled it in and opened a sleepy eye.

No one was on the bed.

No one was there hogging the sheets.

No one was there snoring.

No one was there smirking down at me at ungodly hours like thirteen in the morning _insisting _it was afternoon...

I blinked.

Something was seriously off here.

Something I should notice.

Something important.

Oh, of course!

I dived under the pillow and retrieved a cookie from there.

I _knew _I'd forgotten something important.

I'd saved the cookie, that had been meant to be my dessert, for a pre-bedtime snack but had fallen asleep before giving it the proper attention it deserved.

Oh cookie. I'm _so _sorry. You never have to be alone _ever _again.

I ate it and sighed contentedly at my prowess. Heh. The cookie never saw it coming.

Cookies. Hmm. I should really get Sasuke to give me some more.

Sasu...

Sasuke...

Hmm.

Sasuke wasn't here!

I feel so empty and _betrayed_.

Who would make me ramen now?

I sighed unhappily and furrowed further into the sheets, losing my troubles to peaceful slumber and-

No such luck.

I heard the front door open and I momentarily wondered whether or not I should go down to meet the bastard.

I wonder where he'd gone and with that sad excuse for a mask.

I know of a few squirrels who'd be greatly offended.

Curious, I stalked carefully downstairs, not quite having forgotten the B-word (bath, you dirty-minded cretin, I mean bath!).

I heard him in the kitchen and moved swiftly.

Sasuke in the kitchen might mean one very _important _thing.

Ramen.

I entered the large room and stared.

That wasn't Sasuke.

It was that pink haired girl.

She smiled warmly at me.

"Hey Kit."

I do _not _recall agreeing to be called Kit-I glared- And it's Kit-_sama _to you.

She seemed oblivious to my foxy glare (maybe _that _right there was the problem) and put down a bowl for me.

I moved over and looked down into it, then stared up at her.

What. The. _Hell_.

Is she _crazy_! There's **veggies **in there!

"Vegetables are healthy," she said in answer to my questioning gaze.

Oh, so _now _she speaks fox.

Okay then, you listen to me forehead lady, I want ramen. Simple really, say it with me_, ra-men..._

Not hard, right?

So here's what you do.. Go find Sasuke.

At least the boy doesn't try to _kill _me.

_Honestly_, I'm a freaking _fox_. Does she think I eat _grass _in the wild or something?

Bloody idiot.

"You miss Sasuke too, huh?"

I stared.

When the hell did I say _that_?

Last I recall, I was talking about ramen.

She sighed and picked me up, holding me close to her.

Mmm...heaven...

Snap out of it! Resist the evil!

Must. Resist. Boobies.

I looked up at her, between the two hills on her chest and mewled.

Maybe she'd give me something edible if I acted all cute and cuddly (which I am, by the way).

"You know," she started, carrying me into the lounge. "He actually came all the way to my house to ask if I would take care of you while he's

away."

I looked down, a slight pang of guilt hitting me.

The kind, gentle, caring, thoughtful -

"He also told me to give you a bath."

- _evil __**bastard**_!

Sakura chuckled as I tried to escape.

"Don't worry. You won't be getting a bath today...I think he's given you too many already."

I huffed in agreement. She wasn't so bad after all.

She placed me beside her on the couch and frowned slightly, lost in thought.

I'm still hungry!

She has _no right_ to stare off into space when there is plenty of space right here, in my stomach.

"I miss them."

I looked up at her. Was she talking to herself?

She smiled softly at me.

Oh. She was talking to me, a fox. Nope, nothing weird about that.

"Naruto and Sasuke," she sighed. "They were always so _weird_."

So what's new?

"They treated each other like rivals but were the best of friends."

Sound like a couple of psychos.

"Sasuke was really quiet then. Quite antisocial."

Yeah, cause he's the life of the party _now_.

Sakura shook her head and whispered, "Sasuke went away to get stronger, to avenge his family. And Naruto... Naruto was always going after him, trying to get him to come back and accept that revenge wasn't really all it was cracked up to be but Sasuke, that stubborn ass, _refused_ to listen to reason. In the end though, Naruto stopped him from making a huge mistake," Sakura frowned slightly. "Naruto stopped Sasuke from killing his brother."

I mewled. The story wasn't half bad but it wasn't exactly bedtime and I...

Wait...SASUKE LEFT TO **KILL **HIS _BROTHER_?

I've been living with a psychotic killer!

Take me away! Don't let him eat me! I've seen how he looks at my tails-

"Itachi killed their whole family."

I stared.

Itachi...his _brother_? Itachi killed Sasuke's family? That was why he was all alone?

That bitch deserves to _die_!

I growled, wondering who the hell this Naruto was and why he was such a high and mighty forgiving butthead. If that had been _my _family, I'd

have been busting some caps up Itachi's a-

"He was ordered to do it though-"

Like hell he was.

"-so Sasuke killed the people who gave him the orders."

Hell yeah! At least Sasuke got to kill _someone_.

It was as if Sakura needed to tell someone all this, to get it off her chest.

Poor Sakura...

I should really charge her.

"Naruto was different when he finally got Sasuke back."

Different?

"He just changed. He couldn't let Sasuke near him; couldn't let them be friends again. I guess he didn't want to be tossed aside again."

Fag.

"Sasuke had left him once already."

Super fag.

"I just wish... I wish Sasuke would just try to explain- I dunno, tie Naruto up and force him to listen."

I rolled my eyes at her.

Yeah, that was the right thing to do.

Kidnap the guy and shout that he's your best friend and should start acting like

it. Yeah, I see no problem with that at all.

"Guess that wouldn't work out too well."

You think?

She chuckled. "It would probably just really creep Naruto out."

No duh.

Sakura abruptly got up and went into the kitchen and I followed cautiously. While she was my ally in the fight against baths, she was my greatest

enemy when it came to feeding.

"Here you are."

I stared.

I take back what I said about your forehead being able to act as an emergency landing strip for planes, even though I never actually said it, I still take it back.

I dug into the delicious, -in-your-face-hunger!- ramen and grinned up at her.

When I was done, she walked to the front door and let herself out.

"You know," she said, stopping momentarily at the door. "You have his eyes."

**(Kiss me, I'm an Irish page break)**

Dammit, what do you people have against sleep!

I growled and grudgingly got out of Sasuke's bed and went downstairs.

I really hoped it wasn't Sakura. She'd depressed me enough for one day.

I actually felt bad for Sasuke. I mean, the poor bastard was, well, a _bastard_, but I know that deep down inside were some organs necessary for

human life.

Which meant he was human (for the most part) and I don't think he deserved such a jackass for a brother but maybe this person, his friend, Naruto was slightly okay. I still wished the bum would have stayed out of it and let Sasuke kill the dumbass but I suppose he had his reasons.

I finally reached the bottom stairs and stared.

Sasuke was there at the front door. I'd know that ugly squirrel mask anywhere.

He shut the door and smiled lightly down at me while I stared.

His arm was wrapped in bandages...

Blood had seeped through his shirt from an early battle. It was dry now.

He was standing there looking down at me with a stupid smirk on his face.

"I didn't think you'd still be here."

_Where else would I go when you closed all the windows and shut all the doors?_

He was leaning heavily on the wall, exhausted and I looked up at him worriedly.

I started mewing loudly.

He frowned. "What?"

I looked at him, then up the stairs.

He blinked. "What is it, boy?"

I groaned, mewing some more.

"Timmy's in a well?"

Oh_ come on_! DO I LOOK LIKE LASSIE TO YOU?

He chuckled lightly and followed me as I led him up the stairs and into the bathroom.

He smiled.

"You want me to take a bath?"

I mewed. Uh, yeah .

I've heard that people take long baths when they aren't feeling too good or when they're female...

He sighed and nodded. "Guess you're right."

I shook my head sadly at him.

Of course I'm right. I could rule the world with a few well-placed cuddles!

I am ALWAYS right...even when I'm obviously wrong.

When Sasuke began stripping I took that as my cue-

The door slammed shut.

I glared at him.

"Wanna take a bath with me?"

I stared.

No, I don't.

Have I ever given you that impression?

Nope, didn't think so.

"That's alright. Sakura said I shouldn't bath you too often anyway."

Smart girl.

He was silent awhile, then-

"I think he's gone for good."

I sighed. He was probably talking about Naruto.

When did I become the resident psychiatrist?

"I found this."

It was then that I noticed the headband in his hand. He'd come in with it and was staring at it forlornly.

"It was his."

I blinked. So?

"He's either defected...or he's dead."

Drama queen.

"He'd never leave this."

_Oh_...

Sasuke reached for the door and let me out.

I watched from the hallway as he unwrapped the bandages and looked down at a dried gash on his arm.

I went into the bedroom and lay down.

This place was getting pretty depressing.

**(Kiss me, I'm an Irish page break)**

I'd fallen asleep and didn't notice Sasuke get in beside me.

It was later that night when something woke me.

I woke up and wondered why the hell I'd done that. Who in their right mind wakes up when it's still dark out without the obvious reason of those

who're getting some?

I waited, wanting to hear what it was that had woken me.

A sniff.

I turned.

Sasuke was shaking violently.

I got up and moved across the bed so I could see his face. There were tears escaping his eyes, tears he seemed to be trying to hold onto.

Poor bastard.

I touched my nose to his and his eyes flew open at the cold wetness.

He looked at me, surprised.

I licked his cheek, tasting the salty residue.

(It is very late at night and my pride is obviously incapacitated in a bathroom stall somewhere)

He smiled softly and held me to him.

"I thought you hated me."

Still do.

This is all pity.

"Thanks."

He fell asleep like that.

Poor, poor bastard.

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**A/N: windalchemist001: thanks... ^_^**

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	4. An Unlikely Return

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Disclaimer**: I disclaim.

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**Chapter 4: Another day in paradise**

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Morning ritual activate.

I glare.

He glares back.

Oh, it's _on_.

Damn him!

I will end this!

Who the hell does he think he is?

I **will** have my cookies!

I lunged at the cookie jar and knocked it over.

He dived and caught it as it went flying off the shelf.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion and I jumped on him, trying to bite his arm while he held my neck at arms length with his free arm.

DAMMIT SASUKE!

Was it too much to ask?

Really? I mean, I freaking slept with the guy...

Well, not _slept _slept with him...just well...he...he...

Dammit, my pride has some serious damage control to do.

Sasuke had _cuddled_ me.

The Uchiha is a freaking cuddler!

What next? _Snuggling_!

I've a good mind to tell his fanclub just how much of a sissy he really is.

I frowned at him. Okay, I made an angry fox face at him.

If this was how he treated me after a whole night in his arms, how the hell did he treat women he actually banged? HUH?

I huffed angrily.

I had awoken that morning to find the bed empty. He'd just left me!

Okay, sure he was downstairs making himself breakfast BUT I was still pretty peeved.

I mean, what the hell kind of bastard holds you all night and disappears the next morning?

I AM NOT A FREAKING ONE NIGHT STAND DAMMIT...whoa...hmmm...

No, I did not just think that. I would _never _think that about the little faggot boy.

I'm a fox and a damn straight one at that!

Stupid bastard. Making me think gay thoughts.

I finally realized he wasn't struggling anymore and looked at him. He was smirking his evil smirk and...wait...

HAS HE BEEN EATING THE COOKIES

THIS _WHOLE _TIME?

How evil can you get?

What kind of fiend eats cookies while his nemesis is deep in thought? What kind of _evil monster_ does that?

Oh no.

NO...

NOT THE LAST COOKIE! NOOOOOOOO!

I jumped at him and rescued the large round piece of heaven from his hand and munched it before the devil's PA could do anything to stop me.

I heard a deep, throaty chuckle and looked up.

If looks could kill, the Uchiha would be dying a thousand deaths and then some.

He was laughing at _me_!

Yeah, cause we all know foxes and clowns are practically cousins in the entertainment business.

The _nerve _of this guy!

I mean, I could be on a throne overlooking an ocean of ramen as I rule the world with an iron (albeit furry) fist...and he had the _balls _to chuckle at me!

Cretinous idiot.

I growled up at him and left the room.

"Mad at me Kit?"

Hmph.

I went upstairs, sulking while he just chuckled and continued making breakfast- for himself.

To think I'd been worried about the bugger just last night...

Him and his stupid squirrel mask thing can sod off.

**(I am a psychic page break, I know what you're thinking)**

Whoa.

No, seriously. I mean, _whoa _.

I think I may have found my kryptonite.

So. Much. _Green_.

Can't.

Stand.

Bushy.

Eyebrows.

I stared from Sasuke back to the leprechaun with the thickest set of eyebrows I'd ever seen and stifled a shudder. Did he pluck hair off his pits and glue them over his eyes?

I shook my head, seriously disturbed at Sasuke's choice of friends.

The piece of shrubbery that called itself 'Lee' was trying to get into the house and Sasuke was effectively blocking the way.

Amen to that.

Lee was saying something about the Naruto boy and every 3.76 seconds, mentioned 'youth'.

And what the hell is up with his hair?

I hope they catch whoever did it and punish them accordingly. They boy may be geeky but he does not deserve that kind of hair.

Seriously, being that uncool should not be allowed by the laws of our world, or any world really. Mother nature should have like, a geek-o-meter and anyone going over a certain range should be eliminated.

I mean, here I am; a hot, gorgeous, sexy, hot, cute, _completely_ lovable, adorable and hot fox, blessed in every possible way- looks _and_

brains... and a relevant amount of brawn- and there _he _is: bowl-cut hair, eyebrows as thick as the rainforest and a green catsuit.

Maybe I'm being unfair, maybe it's already Halloween.

But alas, life isn't fair: the nerd and I are proof of that.

Funny but I really can't recall youth ever being that _embarrassing_.

No wonder Sasuke didn't want Lee entering his house. I mean, what would the neighbours think?

Okay, okay so he doesn't exactly have neighbours but well better safe than sorry, right?

I yawned. Wondering what the eyebrows were doing here. They'd obviously dragged the rest of the body here with them.

Indeed.

Mind- controlling eyebrows. I can see it now.

That would be one _awesome _movie.

My eyes shut and I sighed, exhausted.

Doing nothing certainly takes its toll on me.

I was almost asleep when-

WHAT THE HELL!

"Oh, such youthfulness!"

Get. The. Hell. Away. From. Me.

I growled and glared at the geek who was twirling me in the air.

PUT ME DOWN THIS _INSTANT_!

What if his dorkiness is contagious? Seriously! Don't you see geeks chilling together in clusters? I really doubt there were that many dorks to

begin with...

I felt my cool being drained...sucked away...

I am weak...falling into the unconscious realms of the 'nerd'...

"Drama queen."

I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN! THIS FREAK IS...

Oh.

Lee was gone.

Sasuke had a smirk plastered on his face; a smirk I quickly removed with the simple act of a lifted leg.

FEEL MY SOGGY WRATH, UCHIHA!

I was running long before Sasuke realized what I had done to his leg and the carpet.

I was chased through the whole house.

Aaah...the soothing sound of justice...

Listen.

"Kit! You _stupid _fox, get _BACK _here!"

I snorted, running even faster.

You'd think he'd figure out by now that I'm not going to stop.

In fact, why doesn't he just revel in the warmth. I mean, I thought his feet looked kinda cold.

"When I catch you, I'm ripping off one of your tails!"

For one hesitant second, I considered turning around and dishing out the 'puppy dog' eyes but in the next second, my terrified brain showed me a visual of Sasuke glaring at little whimpering puppies saying something like, "I'm gonna go

chidori on your asses...!"

Wait, I don't even know what the heck a chidori is...

...but I know I don't want it up my ass.

Something tells me it's necessary to keep said chidori away from the vicinity of my tenders.

"Gotcha!"

Shit.

No Sasuke! Look, I know it smells bad, but it isn't really-

Fox urine has many medicinal properties.

PLEASE DON'T RIP OFF MY TAIL! IT'S KINDA ATTACHED TO MY BUTT!

AND I NEED MY BUTT!

Sasuke lifted me and made me face him.

Oh crap.

There was an evil _'I'm gonna make you suffer_' grin on his face.

No...no...I'm sorry...

"Guess what time it is..."

No! I'll never pee on you again! Hell, I'll never _pee _again! Please don't-

"Bath time."

Sasuke...Sasuke-_sama _have mercy!

Please!

I don't wanna smell like a wave of spring roses in the summertime!

I don't even know what that means!

I mewled out my utmost cutest mewl and he froze.

"Hn. Maybe I shouldn't..."

I breathed.

Ha! Sucker! FEEL THE POWER OF THE FOX!

First Sasuke and then the _world_! I'll start small, with cities and villages and then move on to-

"Just kidding."

-a few sneezes in the hokage's wait, what?

Did he just say he was-

SASUKE, NO!

I was carried up the stairs and sat on to make sure I didn't escape while the tub filled.

Dear, _sweet _Sasuke, oh bestest friend, ol buddy, ol pal... Let's talk about this. I'm sure we can work something out.

"Thought you were smart, huh?"

I was lifted -kicking and hissing- and placed in the tub.

Shit!

The water is cold!

Sasuke chuckled.

Damn you, you _asshole_! You sadistic, duck-butt-haired, pale-assed, egotistic-

"Calm down."

Ca-

Calm d-

Calm down...?

_CALM DOWN_!

WHAT THE _HELL _DO YOU MEAN **CALM DOWN**! YOU PUT ME IN A FREAKING ICE BATH AND HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN?

_You _try calming down when your crown jewels are shrinking through ice-induced methods!

I shivered as he poured the orange flavoured shampoo (yes, he has an assortment) over me and scrubbed.

I sat still, sulking as he washed me down with an amused smile.

When he was done and I was shivering on the counter, he grabbed the giant towel and dried me off.

I looked at myself in the mirror and hissed.

I looked like a messy ball of fluff.

How _dare _he do this to the world's hottest fox. He was sure to have his own compartment in hell.

I glared at him.

Have you no shame?

He chuckled, "Come on. You don't look that bad."

Of course I don't. I'm bloody _gorgeous_!

Even as a ball of fluff, I'm still sexy.

Sasuke ran the shower for himself and left the door open for me to leave.

My punishment was over.

Stupid bastard.

**(I am a psychic page break, I know what you're thinking)**

I jumped under the beddings and furrowed into the pillows, feeling something leathery.

I looked down at it.

Sasuke's journal.

I'd almost forgotten about it.

Looking cautiously at the door to make sure it was closed, I flipped the pages as best I could.

It's not fair! I want thumbs too!

Anyway, clearly, a super hot, super smart, super _awesome _fox like myself can overcome the barrier of opposable thumbs.

YEAH- I finally got the darn book open- IN YOUR _FACE _EVOLUTION!

To the best of my abilities, I made it to his latest entry: last night.

Maybe I'd get a mention.

_He's gone._

_There's a part of me saying that couldn't happen. How could that loud, obnoxious idiot just die?_

_I refuse to believe it._

_This is all my fault. I should never have left._

_You know you're pathetic when you get comfort from a fox. I can't really help it, though. Kit just reminds me so much of Naruto._

_I actually miss the dumbass._

_All these years I thought I'd gotten stronger._

_I thought I'd killed off all emotion._

_I thought I'd never feel this pain again but it's even greater now. He became my family and I lost him, even before he went missing._

_In all simplicity, I know I can't-_

Sasuke called from downstairs and though it seemed pretty long-winded, all I heard was "Come and get it!"

Finally! Some food!

The doorbell rang and Sasuke went to open it as I ran down the stairs.

I figured I should go with him so whoever it is wouldn't take too long and delay my ramen.

Some people just take visits way too seriously.

"Hey Sasuke."

Sasuke was frozen.

I looked around him, moving up to the front door wondering what had made the bastard freeze.

Probably some _really_ beautiful woman or something...or a freakishly ugly one.

I hope it's a gorgeous one with insanely huge boobs.

Hoping to get a closer look, I peeked around his leg and stared too.

There was a handsome blonde, blue eyed boy standing at the door.

He smiled uneasily at Sasuke. "Say something..."

Sasuke finally found his voice.

"Naruto..."

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**A/N: windalchemist001: you know the drill...**

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	5. An Unlikely Problem

**An ****Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Beta'ed**** by: **[UnBeta'ed]

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**Disclaimer: **Nope...Ain't got shit.

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**Chapter 5: Trouble in paradise**

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**Previously:**___Sasuke was frozen._

_I looked around him, moving up to the front door wondering what had made the bastard freeze._

_Probably some really beautiful woman or something...or a freakishly ugly one._

_I hope it's a gorgeous one with insanely huge boobs._

_Hoping to get a closer look, I peeked around his leg and stared too._

_There was a handsome blonde, blue eyed boy standing at the door._

_He smiled uneasily at Sasuke. "Say something..."_

_Sasuke finally found his voice._

_"Naruto..."_

Naruto?

I blink.

Naruto.

Naruto...

Oh _yeah_, Sasuke's best friend.

I blinked again.

Didn't they say he was _dead_?

Dead, huh?

Dead and yet, standing at our front door...

Hmmm.

OH MY _GOSH_, HE'S A **GHOST**! TAKE COVER! WHERE THE _HELL _DID I PUT MY HOLY WATER!

When Sasuke remained standing there- apparently _not _taking cover- I took control and shot him a glare.

Which part of 'ghost' are you _not _running from?

Poor boy's probably scared witless.

I stood in front of him protectively and growled.

The blonde, blue eyed... hey, his eyes _are _like mine- good job man. Finally , someone who knows my potential.

I can see the beginning of a fad. Everyone will want blue eyes and will come to see mine so they can obviously have the best.

I'd exploit it as far as I could.

I'm going to be rich.

Hmm...where was I?

Ah yes.

Growl.

Run from me.

I am a scary fox.

The blonde looked down at me and smiled.

Sasuke was still staring at him and I was tempted to 'warm' his feet again to get his attention because really, fox pee _does _have medicinal

properties...

"Naruto?" Sasuke said again.

I sighed.

He'd said that already.

Shouldn't he hug him or something?

If he was a ghost and Sasuke' s hands went through him... Well, in that case, it's been fun here but I really must get going; the call of the wild and all that, you understand.

"How did- I thought you- What's going on?"

I shook my head in disgust at Sasuke.

Try full sentences, Sasuke.

The boy, _Naruto, _laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair.

"I was careless. Ambushed at the river-"

"By who?"

"Ninja trying to steal money. Petty thief, really. I guess I was just caught off guard."

"But you've been _missing_."

"Yeah. I was hit pretty hard over the head. When I woke up, I was in some strange town and couldn't remember much."

"But-"

"Are you going to make me explain everything out here?"

Sasuke didn't even flinch. "If I must."

"Come on, Sasuke!"

"Idiot."

"Sasuke!"

Sasuke relented, which I thought was not wise, and let the blonde in.

"So when did you get a fox?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Few days ago. Found him near Ichiraku' s. Must be your kin."

Naruto laughed, loudly.

I stared.

That wasn't even funny.

They sat on two different couches and I stared in amazement at the Uchiha.

The boy had nearly gotten himself killed, cried himself to sleep and cuddled a fox- all because of this blond, and he couldn't even say 'I missed you'...

...I am _so _proud of him.

I sat down beside Sasuke and watched the blond curiously.

"So...you like ramen too, huh?" he asked me.

He waited.

I blinked.

Was I supposed to answer?

What does he think I am? Human?

Sasuke had begun to stroke my fur absentmindedly and I had no intention of stopping him.

Naruto laughed, apparently amused at something.

"Seems like a really submissive thing, huh?"

Thing?

Th-thing...?

DID HE JUST CALL ME A _THING_?

Sasuke chuckled, "Not really. He's usually like some demon-mutt. I'll show you what I mean when it's time for his bath."

I stilled and he froze, looking down at me.

"I swear, sometimes it seems like he can understand me."

THAT'S BECAUSE I CAN, YOU DOUCHE!

But... I've been wondering about that myself.

Why _can _I understand them?

Oh well, I'm just a genius I guess.

"So," Sasuke said, looking directly at Naruto. "What happened?"

Naruto sighed, "And here I was thinking you'd be happy to see me and hug me or something."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Dumbass."

I stared at the blond. Why was he letting the bastard call him that? If Sasuke called _me _that, there'd be plenty of puddles in his carpets...

"Okay," Naruto sighed. "I was training at the river and got caught up I guess. I didn't notice the ninja behind me until he'd used a genjutsu on

me."

Sasuke stared.

"He came to steal and used a genjutsu on you?"

Naruto nodded. "At least, I think he did..."

Sasuke remained silent, which I assume was his way of saying 'go on'.

Naruto must have figured that out cause he continued. "Well, I tried to fight back and being under the genjutsu, that didn't help me much. Then he knocked me out."

Sasuke stared at him thoughtfully than nodded.

Naruto sighed. "When I woke up, I suppose the genjutsu was removed or lost its effect. I was in an alley in some strange village."

"What was it called?"

Naruto shrugged, "I don't know."

"_Idiot. _You wake up in a strange place and don't think to ask where you are?"

Naruto blushed, looking down. "Well! They'd think I was crazy!"

"You are."

Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"Some friend you are."

Sasuke groaned. "Fine. How did you get back?"

Naruto looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I guess I just ran east."

"Why? You didn't know where you were."

"I asked where Konoha was."

Sasuke stared. So did I.

This guy is _some _kind of special.

"Didn't you try to find out who did this?"

"I assumed they were long gone."

Sasuke put his hand to his face.

"You're such an idiot."

Naruto made a face at him.

"So what's his name?" Naruto asked, looking at me.

Sasuke looked down at me and said, "Kit."

I huffed.

I _still _don't recall giving the necessary approval to be referred to as 'Kit'.

"Isn't that like, a girl's name?"

I rolled my eyes. Hell no, it isn't. What kind of-

"Yeah."

-stupid, doodoo-headed..._WHAAAT_?

"He does kinda look girly and acts female most of the time."

I growled.

Naruto laughed.

"What's that boy? Timmy's in a well?"

I swear.

One more Lassie joke and I'm peeing on the couch.

Stupid idiot.

Said idiot's stomach growled and he looked pleadingly at Sasuke.

"You hungry?"

"Uh... yeah."

They walked into the kitchen and I followed.

Naruto sat on a stool and I leapt up onto the counter.

"Ramen?" Sasuke asked carefully.

YES!

"Not you, Kit."

NO!

Naruto nodded eagerly and, reaching forward for a bowl, fell off the stool.

Now, I don't know why, but I felt terribly angry to see someone act so obviously stupid.

But Sasuke treated him like it was normal...

Ah.

Guy must be touched in the head.

They ate in silence as I watched.

Yes, Sasuke had not deemed me worthy of a meal just yet.

He mentioned something about "Eating Time Table" because _obviously_, I can control when I get hungry.

Sasuke was currently smirking at me as he ate ramen which he didn't even _like_.

Because he's a bastard like that.

I glared.

He slurped, a feral grin gracing his sadistic features.

Sasuke ate like a normal person while Naruto. Well...

He was barely eating _at all_.

Sasuke looked at Naruto, a questioning glance in place.

Naruto just smiled. "Sorry. Got a lot on my mind."

If Sasuke was surprised at the blonde's lack of ramentite (like appetite, but for ramen) then he didn't mention it.

I on the other hand, am not that easygoing.

I growled, ready to take a chunk out of him.

"That thing vaccinated?"

Seriously!

What is _up _with calling me a thing?

I AM A FOX, YOU RETARD!

Alas, he does not speak fox and the colourful string of insults that followed fell on deaf ears.

Sasuke sighed, getting up and placing his bowl in the sink.

"I gotta go take a shower. Stay if you want or you can let yourself out."

"I'll wait."

Sasuke nodded and left.

I yawned and stretched.

"Pathetic."

I looked across at Naruto.

Couldn't have heard right.

No one would ever call _me _pathetic.

Like I've said many times before, I am _gorgeous_.

I didn't like how he was staring at me.

He grinned and leaned down.

"How you doing down there?"

I stared.

What was that supposed to mean?

I'm a fox, it's not like I can get _taller_.

I realized that we had been left alone.

I growled at him in warning. Marking my territory is a small thing.

He laughed.

"The mighty Uzumaki..."

What the hell is this guy on? Why is he talking about himself like that?

Something in me clicked but it was duly ignored. I'm not a robot, clicking does not bode well for me.

"How does it feel, fox-boy?"

Fox-boy?

Wait.

...Fox...

... boy...

I _knew _it.

My eyes narrowed at him.

...YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT MY _WIENER_, YOU PERV!

I backed away as he stepped forward.

"Do you understand now?"

Sasuke, where _are _you?

This crazy person wants my tenders!

There are so many foxes I haven't ravaged, so many children I haven't fathered, so many-

He chuckled.

What part of my current lack of 'getting any' did he find amusing?

"I'll fit right in, won't I, Naruto?"

I froze.

Naruto?

Me?

He nodded and chuckled.

"I can't believe you can't remember. Just as well, I suppose."

What-

"For the record," he smiled, tipping the barely touched ramen into the bin. "I hate ramen."

GASP!

_IMPOSTER_!

NOT THE RAMEN! _ANYTHING _BUT THAT! Noooooooo!

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A/N: **windalchemist001...FANKS!**

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	6. An Unlikely Turn of Events

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

x-x

**Beta'ed** by: [UnBeta'ed]

x-x

**Chapter 6: Unveiled**

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**Previously:** _"For the record," he smiled, tipping the barely touched ramen into the bin. "I hate ramen."_

_GASP!_

_IMPOSTER!_

Sasuke came rushing down the stairs and I smirked.

He had obviously sensed the blatant disregard for human (and fox) rights that was the wasting of the ramen and hurried to its aid.

Well, either that or he heard my cry and sensed the imposter.

"Why the hell is he bawling?" he asked irritable.

I glared.

I was _not _bawling. That was a battle cry and a manly one at that.

Naruto, the imposter, chuckled. "I don't know-"

Like hell you don't.

"-maybe he just doesn't want to be left alone with me."

I wonder why.

Sasuke sighed then said, "Come on Kit."

And what? I'm supposed to trot after you like a good dog? Get real.

"Did it just roll its eyes at you?" fake-Naruto asked.

Shit! He's onto me!

And for the millionth time, I'm not an it!

"Nah. I think he's just cross-eyed."

Cross eyed?

Me?

Perfection at its best, _buddy_. Genetics has never had it so good!

How _dare _he even _suggest _it!

Inconsiderate asshole.

I glared hard at Sasuke.

Maybe he would spontaneously combust and his ashes would be taken away by evil fairies.

"Poor little thing," fake-Naruto said.

Okay. I hate them both.

I am neither poor nor little... And didn't I already say I wasn't a _thing_?

What is he, retarded?

_The word is __**fox**__, look it up before your brain cells die from overexposure to nothing._

"Are you done eating?" Sasuke asked Naruto.

Naruto nodded.

The liar.

"Well," he said. "I'm still kinda hungry. You got any fruit or something?"

What the hell?

WHO THE HELL EATS FRUIT?

Unless, _unless _he's a vegetarian alien or something.

"There's a fruit salad in the fridge."

Naruto nodded and took it out, placing it on the table.

I leaped up onto the table to glare at him better- eye to beautiful eye (_mine_).

"What is it, fur-ball?"

An evil chuckle erupted from my throat.

Oh, he had it coming.

With aim only a super fox knowledgeable in the art of war could possess, I pissed into his bowl.

TAKE _THAT _VEGGIE-BOY!

Sasuke stared at me. Naruto stared at me.

Yes, my aim was that amazing.

I leaped back onto the floor and smugly lifted my tail, leaving the room.

I heard a faint, "What the _hell_."

Hehe, that should teach him.

The idiot.

My thoughts went back to the fake Naruto sitting there in the kitchen.

He had called me Naruto. What was that about?

I went up into the bedroom still mulling it over.

Maybe he was a vegetarian alien and his brain was ramen-intolerant and he'd melt if he had beef flavoured ramen and-

I fell asleep.

In my sleep, I heard the front door open and close.

The blond was gone.

Good riddance.

**(I am a lazy page break, pass me the remote)**

"Kit?"

I shifted, snoring.

"Kit?"

_Five more minutes._

"KIT, GET YOUR ASS UP!"

I jumped up off the bed and leaped to safety.

Where's the fire? Is it a ramen-parade? Has a psychotic mummy risen from the dead with the sole purpose of taking over the world and ridding

us all of Spanish soap operas? DON'T LET IT!

"Grr ff mmm..."

I giggled. That tickled.

Tickled...

Hmm...

I looked down at what I'd been digging my claws into.

Sasuke' s face...?

What was that doing there?

What a silly place to put it.

I adjusted myself so I was standing on his duck-butt hair which was unusually sturdy.

I concluded that the gel market was kept abreast by Sasuke alone.

"Get. Off. Me."

I yawned but then it dawned on me. His hair is really comfy.

"Kit ."

Ah, the Uchiha Death-Glare of Doom TM was out. Pity all I could see was the furrowed brows.

I'm sure it would be more effective if given directly.

He sighed in defeat.

YES! BOW BEFORE MY SUPERIOR SMARTITUDE!

I shut my eyes, enjoying the ride and then-

"What a predicament you're in Kit."

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into Sasuke' s... _red eyes_?

I blinked.

I was still on his head.

A mirror?

The only place in the house with a mirror was-

Oh crap.

I leaped off his head and mewled.

PLEASE DON'T FLUSH ME!

"Bath time," He grinned an evil grin.

Bath...?

PLEASE... JUST _FLUSH _ME!

After a remarkable struggle during which his face gained a cool scar across his cheek and my leg twisted unnaturally, we glared at each other.

Then something fell.

I stared at it.

The forehead protector.

I stared back at Sasuke whose eyes were still red and-

Bastard! Turn your sharingan off, you idiot!

I felt dizzy.

_Whoa_.

My legs felt like jelly and I fell to the floor.

"Kit?"

Sasuke sounded worried. I groaned.

Everything hurt.

"Kit? Are you alright?"

I felt myself being lifted and carried then placed on soft silk sheets.

"_Kit_."

Something was flashing in my mind. Images...words...

Sasuke.

_You're my best friend._

Sasuke fighting someone on the roof of a hospital.

_I want to fight you._

Sasuke as a child, sitting at the pier.

_He's just like me._

Sasuke, Sakura and some lazy bum, _Kakashi_.

_Team seven._

Sai replacing Sasuke...

_Do you even have a dick?_

I am _so _going kill that fool.

Sasuke fighting, always fighting...

Fighting me.

_You're my best friend, that's why I have to kill you._

That didn't make any sense. Not at the time, not now.

I still felt it. Sasuke's fist running though me, the power coursing through my body, weakening me, killing me...

_I'll break these bonds._

I opened my eyes.

I was staring into the Sharingan.

I shuffled away.

"Sasuke! What are you doing here!"

I noticed his shocked expression and a slight pink tinge on his face. The sharingan was gone and his eyes were back to their normal shade of

black.

I blinked.

It all came rushing back.

Sasuke had come back.

I had brought him back. I had beaten him.

Is he trying to take his revenge _now_?

"Naruto?"

"What?" I snapped.

He looked really confused.

"Is it really you?"

"Bastard, you're being an idiot. Go be one somewhere else."

"Yup, it's you." Sasuke smirked but his smirk faltered. "But how? I mean..."

I sighed, equally confused.

"What's the matter?"

"You just _disappeared_ and now, you transform ? Do you know how long we've been searching for you? We-"

"I _disappeared_?" I thought hard. What the hell was he going on about? "Oh crap! What time is it?"

He stared. "Seven PM"

"NO! I'm late! Jiraiya will kill me! He was supposed to train me this morning! What the hell have I been doing?"

"Um, Naruto?"

"How could you have let me stay this long?" I looked around. "WHERE THE HELL AM I ANYWAY?"

"Naruto?"

"I MAY _NEVER _GET HIM TO TRAIN ME AGAIN! I GOT THRASHED BY HUNDREDS OF WOMEN WHILE PEEKING TO GET HIM TO TRAIN ME _JUST _FOR _THIS _TO HAPPEN?"

"Naruto!"

"This has got to be the worst day _ever_!"

Sasuke was still blushing. Now why the hell would that be?

"Naruto?"

"WHAT?"

"You're um, _dangling_."

I blinked, confused.

Then I followed his gaze.

I'd been yelling at him without noticing something important.

I looked down.

Everything was where it should be; skin in place, five toes, five fingers, well-developed torso...

Ah, yes.

I was naked.

I covered myself with my hands and glared.

"You pervert! YOU _RAPED _ME!"

Sasuke glared, "Excuse me! I DID _NOT_!"

"Yes! Please excuse him! Something crawled up his ass and died !"

"Where the hell did _that _come from?"

I scowled at him and he flinched (presenting, Uzumaki Doom Glare TM, seven times more potent than the Uchiha Death Glare TM.)

"Turn around, you bastard!"

Sasuke turned away as I grabbed his sheets and wrapped them around myself, effectively messing up his bed.

"Naruto!"

"WHAT? It was my nudity or your bed!"

Sasuke blushed at that and I frowned.

"Where am I and why am I naked?"

"Uchiha complex," he answered dryly, betraying the look of confusion still in his eyes. "You don't remember anything?"

I stared, "Remember what?"

"What day is it today?"

I shrugged, "Thursday."

"Date."

I thought for a second, "July 21st."

Sasuke bit his lip thoughtfully.

"It's August 12th."

I snorted, "Yeah right."

I stared at the calendar and saw August 12th. I sighed. "Very funny Uchiha."

"Idiot, I'm serious."

"Really? Then care to explain how that is?" I asked sarcastically.

Sasuke shook his head but said, "It's hard to believe, even for me. You were...you were a fox."

I groaned, "Yes. You know about Kyuubi. Congratulations."

Sasuke looked frustrated, "Not _that, _stupid! I mean you were a _fox_, all this time. I mean, I thought you were..."

Oh man.

The Uchiha's gone mad.

Can't say I'm surprised.

"Sasuke," I say softly. "Don't worry about it I'll get you the help you need."

He glared.

"I'm not crazy."

I nodded. Best not to let him know I know.

"I'm serious!"

He stood angrily, his eyes turning red in his frustration.

My head suddenly hurt.

_Sasuke, I'll bring you back!_

I fell to my knees.

Sasuke called out but I didn't hear what he said.

_You're my best friend._

Then why do you keep fighting me?

_That's why I have to kill you._

Because obviously, that's what best friends do.

_I'll break these bonds._

Fine.

Break them.

I'll still bring you back. I promised you I would.

_I'll break these bonds._

Did you have to break me, too?

Do you hate me that much?

_The first bond I ever made...was with you Sasuke._

"Naruto!"

Please don't bother me! I'm tired!

I tired of this! Tired of everything!

Tired of _Sasuke_...

I just wanted the memories to go away.

I didn't want to remember.

_I'll break these bonds..._

I blacked out.

**(I am a lazy page break, pass me the remote)**

"Naruto?"

I yawned, waking up and swishing my tails.

Why was he calling me Naruto?

Hadn't he already made up his mind on a name?

I don't feel like arguing or peeing on his floor so I'll let it slide and just assume his brain expired and he's a tad bit confused.

Listen closely Sasuke.

Me Fox. You Human.

Me Kit. You Sasuke.

The bedroom door sprung open and that ramen defiler came in.

"Hey Sasuke. I tried knocking but you didn't answer. Hope you don't mind."

Sasuke turned and I could swear he had just upgraded the Uchiha Death Glare TM and managed to successfully develop a look that

would freeze suns and single-handedly stop global warming.

I was impressed.

But why was he mad at the imposter?

Did he finally figure it out?

"I thought you might wanna go spar..." fake-Naruto said, smile fading slightly at the latest Uchiha non-Jutsu Jutsu.

Sasuke stared at him.

"Really?"

The imposter nodded.

Sasuke smiled coldly and socked him.

It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and I must admit, dead professional boxers everywhere are nodding in impressed approval.

x-x

**A/N: windalchemist001: yes, yes...thankyou ^_^**

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	7. An Unlikely Imposter

**An Unlikely Romance**

**Chapter 7: Damn**

**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

It was kinda anticlimactic

There I was wasting valuable time watching the unconscious imposter and so far, the most interesting thing that had happened in the last ten minutes was that drool was now part of the exciting feature.

Darn it.

Sasuke still wasn't back. After knocking Blondie out, he'd vanished and I was supposedly left on guard.

Gah! This is _boring_!

Wake up, fool!

Hmm...Maybe I should pee on him...you know...to wake him up...with the medicinal awesomeness that is my pee.

Just as I lifted my hind leg to bestow the honor upon the bum, the door was thrown open.

Sasuke looked straight at me and scowled, "What are you _doing_?"

I put my leg down.

_Er...Nothing?_

Behind him was the mobile airplane landing strip...Sakura, I believe.

I stared at her forehead while she looked at the unconscious man next to me.

"You'd better be right about this, Sasuke."

Sasuke, ever eloquent, Hn-ed.

Sakura raised her hand and I noticed green light on each finger. With that, she pressed her hand flatly against his chest.

Imposter-boy's body shook violently and I backed away.

If they're trying to wake him, I don't think they're doing it right...

Sakura's hand kept the convulsing man down.

Shit. These crazy people are going to _kill _him!

But...maybe he deserves to die. I mean, he _did_ pour ramen into the bin...

That's **unforgivable**...

But still...there _are_ people out there who don't think someone should die because of ramen sacrilege.

...

I am _not _one of those people.

Hell, I am not even a 'people'.

...

Well, I'm sure he had a good life...probably... And ending it in his prime would save him from having to go through a midlife crisis.

If you really think about it...we're doing him a favor.

Sasuke picked me up while I was disturbed by the scene before me.

GAH! DON'T RAPE ME WHILE SAKURA'S DISTRACTED!

Wait...wha if Sakura wants some of this foxy action too? I mean, who _wouldn't_?

Shit.

PLEASE DON'T GANG RAPE ME!

After several more violent jerks from the unconscious blonde, Sakura looked up at Sasuke with a very worried expression on her face.

"Sasuke, get him to Tsunade. I'll be there soon."

"But-"

"_Now_."

Sasuke sighed impatiently and nodded.

The unfamiliar feeling enveloped me again and I wondered why the hell he couldn't just use the rooftop highway like _other_ ninjas. This whole 'poofing' here and there was terribly irritating...and for me, dizzying.

I couldn't help it.

My stomach was yelling obscenities at me and as soon as the spinning stopped and Sasuke's grip loosened, I fell to the ground and puked.

"Uchiha..." a voice growled. "Care to explain why there's a soon-to-be-dead furball puking on my Persian rug?"

I opened my eyes weakly and struggled to stay standing.

In front of me were two of the biggest melons to ever grace the market place.

And they happened to be in the garden on some lucky woman's chest.

The Boob gods had definitely smiled upon this one.

Boob lady turned to me with a fierce growl and what could only be called pure killer intent.

I will not admit that I then peed on her carpet in fear.

Because I didn't.

Really.

And as the raven was mercilessly thrown out the window _through_ the glass, I will not admit that I whimpered just alittle.

Nope.

The Boob fairy then turned to me.

I gulped.

She doesn't look like she appreciates or _knows _how attractive I am... Or even about the medicinal properties of my pee.

Maybe I should mention how my pee also just happens to have exceptional cleaning properties for white Persian rugs...

She took a step toward me, her ball-ripping fury evident in her glare. I flinched, preparing to take my awesomeness beyond the grave... I just hoped she didn't do something crazy...like rip my balls off.

Wait...WHAT IF I NEED MY BALLS IN THE AFTERLIFE?

"Wait!"

OH THANK GOODNESS!

Tsunade faced Sasuke, who was now standing in front of me with abit of glass in his hair.

"Uchiha..." she warned.

"Hokage..."

I breathed deeply, knowing it might be my last, if I didn't get the hell outta here.

"Sensei, wait."

We all turned to the door and spotted Sakura, with that green-loving, bushy-browed ray of sunshine behind her, carrying the blonde kid.

"Sakura?"

"And me, Hokage-sama! It is I, Lee!"

"Yes Lee, thankyou."

Great. My chance to bolt.

Dammit! The Uchiha's grip is tight!

Gah! Lemme go!

"Tsunade-sensei...that fox is Naruto."

_McBoob _looked from Sakura to Sasuke to Lee and back to me.

She sighed and sat down, "I knew you two needed a break but I never thought you'd crack at the same time...and even dragging Lee into this..."

"Hokage-sama! Our flames of _sane _youth will never be put out by the darkness that is-"

"Thankyou Lee."

Sakura sighed, "Please just hear us out."

_Boob the builder _scowled, "Naruto finally gets back and you knock him out, grab a fox and claim its him....just what the hell are you guys thinking?"

"Tsunade!"

_Boobintosh _sighed, "You have five minutes. Humor me."

Lee gingerly placed the tied-up imposter on a chair as Sakura started to explain.

"I just went through everything you taught me about breaking transformation jutsu but they haven't worked."

"Maybe because that _is _Naruto..."

"Hokage..." Sasuke sighed. "Earlier today...this fox, turned into Naruto... I don't know exactly how but...this fox _is_ Naruto."

"Aren't you guys taking the 'demon fox' thing abit too far?"

"Look..." Sakura sighed in frustration. "Just...touch him and see."

_The Boob queen_ got up and walked to the blond on her couch. She placed her hand on him and looking at him intently as her chakra seemed to probe his body, she scowled.

She then walked to me and I panicked.

"Bite me and I'll kill you."

No ma'am...I'm as docile as a kitty.

Heck, I'll purr if you want me to.

She placed her hand on my head and I shivered.

It felt like something was running through my whole body...as if she was putting something _inside_ me...in a place where it had no right being.

She let out a small gasp and pulled away.

"They have the same chakra."

I sighed and backed away, my body feeling the thrill of not being _dead_. And what a thrill it is!

I was still annoyed though.

Why were they calling me Naruto again?

"Didn't I already clear this up with Sasuke?" I huffed in annoyance and looked up to find the three of them staring at me.

I looked at the carpet.

"Did I pee again?"

Sakura was looking pale and asked quietly, "Tsunade-sensei...what did you _do_?"

Hmm...what _did_ she do...? "Why are they all looking at me funny?"

_Booby's _lips moved but the words took their sweet time coming out.

"You...just..._talked_."

It took a _whole_ three seconds to figure out that _Boobs R Us_ had been talking to _**me**_.

I blinked.

"I talked?"

Huh...wait...I _did_. And my voice came out deep, clear and manly! Ha! Even when I speak out loud I sound down right sexy!

_Man_, I'm awesome!

Wait....

....

Hmm...

...

"You can _understand _me?"

They nodded, awestruck.

For ninjas, they weren't doing too well with the whole '**expect the unexpected**' thing...

"How do you think that is?" Boob lady asked.

I raised an eyebrow at her, "I've always been able to. You've just never understood before."

"So you're pretty smart, huh?"

"You heard of Aristotle, Mozart... Einstein?"

"Yes...?"

"_Morons_."

Tsunade smiled.

"Okay then...who are you?"

Hmm...trick question.

"Kit?"

"And you find it normal that you can speak so well?"

"Well, I _am_ pretty awesome..."

"Yeah, that's Naruto," Tsunade sighed. "How did this happen?"

"We should ask _him_," Sasuke growled.

The imposter groaned as if on queue.

Sasuke was by his side in an instant, only blocked from murdering him by a solid blow from Lee.

"I think I might be able to fix this..._before_ any violence is necessary."

Tsunade's hand burst with green blazing chakra and a sinister smile lit her face.

Sakura sighed impatiently and blocked her path.

"I already tried it. The jutsu didn't work because that's _really _his body."

The blonde was now awake and seemed to have gathered his wits, taking note of everything around him.

"Naruto?"

The guy hesitated for just under a second before he looked at Sasuke, but it was all Tsunade needed.

She grabbed his shirt front. "Who the hell _are _you?"

The blonde smirked.

"My name?"

Tsunade glared, "Yes, if you would be so kind."

"I wouldn't."

"Don't make me hurt you."

Sakura frowned, "You can't hurt him. If you do..."

He smirked again, "So you figured it out, Pinky? Very good."

Tsunade huffed impatiently, "Figured _what _out?"

"That's Naruto's body."

Tsunade blinked. "So..."

"So that's-"

The blonde grinned, cutting Sakura off. "Kyuubi. Nice to meet you."

**A/N: sorry I took ages...**** And sorry it was so short. My vacation's on but so are my projects. Still, that's no excuse and I will get my ass up and write this fic *strikes good guy pose amidst loud cheering in head***

**Review reply**

**sasunaru2themax****: **don't worry. I won't laugh at you *starts snorting, falls off chair in full guffaws* yup, I would _never_ laugh...yay! I rock!

**Kittykatsaymeow:** don't kill meh! *hides in corner* I do plan on ending it :)** "awefantabulous" **yay, a new NEW word made specifically for me! XD and why does Kit/Naruto get the cookie? I WANT THE COOKIE!

**Violet Avrie****:** Er...love is a _strong_ word and I'm kinda seeing someone...lol, jk. *sniffs* wait...you just love me for my fic!

**Mrs Hatake Itachi****:** will do :) have done, hehe

**Andalliwantedwerecookies: ***takes a bow* thankyou :D

**Vitan****:** lol, sorry for making you look like a psycho... *cough even though you obviously are cough* sorry for the wait... Cookie?

**sadisticxXxbadass****: **well...Sasuke hasn't been known for rational thought... Lol. If I was a fox, I'd think that too... XD

**K****an0ne:** Well, all will be explained in time young grasshopper... And if not...er...I'm sorry? Hehe, jk

**Darcy Mousy****: **sorry I seem to have used my month's supply of humour...eBay! Sell me moar humiliation? Glad to hear it, haha

**K.S.T.M****:** mystery revealed, huh ;)

**KatrinaEagle****: **I love it too...wish he really was like that :) darn that new-power-having sharingan!

**7thtreasure****: **makes you wanna piss in someone's bowl too, huh? "weird but so cool"? Lol, see unsult on urban dictionary, haha XD

**a****urla0: **lol, was your review **seriously **a fullstop?

**Catwiskers10****: **sad... *starts sobbing* I'm sorry you're confused! I'm a horrible author!

**smiles13: **darn it... :( I'm confusing loads of people now, aren't I?

**Philistia:** poor Sasuke? Poor Naruto! Hot fox aint getting no love!

**MadaMag:** well...he is the _last_ Uchiha (kinda)...so let's cut him some slack, lol XD

**yami-GW2: **thanks *beams* yay for crazy reviewer people!

**Hitokiri Shinzui: **look, I have! :)

**Lingo10: **sadly, nuthin funny in this chapter...my jokes died young...and their funny spirits moved on to other fics, :)

**hinatablueeyes708:** *moment of silence for the defiled ramen* he **SHALL** pay! In coupons!

**Xiahans: **I know right! I taught him how to punch like that...

**hentai18ancilla: **Well...the main problem is how to deal with his man crush in this sitch...hmm... He could rape both the human _and_ fox Narutos...cept the otherz Kyuubi...hmm... Kudos for your guess btw XD

**I-am-A: **you are a...? Lol, fanks :) and you could **definitely **write better than my crap...we all gotta start _somewhere _right...

**DimintheMoonlight:**. Yeah, I thought starting it from chapter six was abit idiotic, hehe. But it was the only way someone would see it and send me the other chapters! Hehe, sorry

**Serenityofthematrix: **hey! It wasn't torture! Scented baths are awesome! Lol...ok, maybe no for _him_... Thanks for the reviews :)

**chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **chocky! I'm not making you suffer! It's called "building suspense"...or in Layman's terms "writer's block", haha

**TKM: **dude, thanks so much *big smile...looks at project, tosses it out a window* I WILL MAKE TIME!

**Zephyrclaws: **DON'T ROLL ON THE FLOOR! ITS DIRTY!

**Sandy11-1990: ***Backing away* you're...kinda violent aren't you...? hehe


	8. An Unlikely Houseguest

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

**x-x**

**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

**x-x**

x-x

**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

x-x

**Summary: **Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human… He's found by Sasuke who decided to take him in. In the meantime, everyone's looking for the human Naruto… SasuNaru

x-x

**Previously:**

_"Naruto?"_

_The guy hesitated for just under a second before he looked at Sasuke, but it was all Tsunade needed._

_She grabbed his shirt front. "Who the hell are you?"_

_The blonde smirked._

_"My name?"_

_Tsunade glared, "Yes, if you would be so kind."_

_"I wouldn't."_

_"Don't make me hurt you."_

_Sakura frowned, "You can't hurt him. If you do..."_

_He smirked again, "So you figured it out, Pinky? Very good."_

_Tsunade huffed impatiently, "Figured what out?"_

_"That's Naruto's body."_

_Tsunade blinked. "So..."_

_"So that's-"_

_The blonde grinned, cutting Sakura off. "Kyuubi. Nice to meet you."_

-x-

**A/N: More explanations…less funny… Sorry :(**

-x-

**Chapter 8: Housemates**

**For chocolate-strawberry-leaf :)**

-x-

Sasuke's pacing was getting to me.

I was bored and I _really _had to pee.

The only reason I couldn't was because I might pee on myself…

…Because I was tied up.

Yes.

My hot, sexy self was being held hostage.

...

Okay...maybe not _hostage_...

But I_ WAS_ tied up! And to that ramen-defiler too!

The blonde and me were tied up back-to-back on a chair and honestly, I haven't the foggiest why...

I understand the mechanics of sitting down in the simplistic "butt to chair" manner but the rope has me _baffled_.

Is Sasuke trying to ensure we don't fall off?

I mean, I appreciate the need to preserve my beautiful self from bruises but I'm sure my IQ is high enough that I don't need help with sitting.

I'm a genius.

Doesn't he get that? Is he stupid?

…

Yeah, probably.

"Didn't Tsunade already tell you not to torture me?" The blonde asked Sasuke, who paused, glared and then continued to pace.

"She also said to 'take care of you'."

"I believe she meant that in the hospitable kind of taking care of someone...not the mafia kind."

"I don't _do_ hospitable."

"You don't _do_, period," Kyuubi muttered. "Seriously man, when was the last time you got laid?"

Hmm...my need to pee just rose in direct proportions to Sasuke's twitching vein.

Weird.

I wonder if he'll let me go once I mention the interrogative properties of my pee...

"What are you doing here? How are you out? What happened to the seal? What did you do to Naruto? Whe-"

Deathwish dude (aka Kyuubi, apparently) laughed. "It's like you think I'll answer all these questions when I already told you I don't know."

Sasuke sighed impatiently and sank into the couch.

Oh sure. _He _gets the couch and _I_ get this caveman's excuse for comfort.

I sighed.

We were in Sasuke's house.

Because we were under house arrest.

Yes...**we**.

Apparently, every idiot here (along with their super idiot leader, the Boob-kage) is trying to convince me I'm some dude called Naruto.

Sasuke gave me a black look.

Uh oh...best to cooperate.

"Who are _you_?" He asked coldly for what felt like the millionth time.

I blinked. "Um...Naruto…?"

He nodded slowly, dangerously. "Go on..."

I cleared my throat and- 

_Man, I sound sexy!_

No wonder he wants to hear me speak.

If I weren't myself, I'd probably try get in on some of this action.

Sasuke coughed.

Oh...right... I guess this is the part where he wants me to lie to him.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I'm blonde, sexy and have blue eyes that could make angels-"

Another cough...and a snort from the imposter.

Tch. Jealous.

"Uh...yeah. I'm seventeen. I was obsessed with the pink headed, forehead girl for most of my life but then I got obsessed with you and tried

to bring you back from whence you went with some paedophile who was giving you power in exchange for sex-" Sasuke twitched. "- which

is really kind of gay if you ask me but then again, I did keep following you like some lovesick puppy...which also seems gay but since its me,

I'll chalk it off as just being loyal and shit.

I kick ass three ways to Tuesday with my many clones and I'm a prankster. People fall for my idiot routine when I'm secretly smart cause I

mean, come on people, I came up with the sexy no-jutsu! Just call me MacDaddy, cause free porn like that is obviously right up there with

getting world peace.

I tend to rush into battle with tons of bad guys cause I'm bitchin like that and happen to own a warehouse full of bite-sized cans of whoopass.

Also, I give motivational speeches during every battle and spew nonsense about friendship and togetherness-which is, again, _really _

gay…

Let's see...I have a toad summons contract, I am a badass sage, I'm friends with the Kazekage as well as a few demon holders- Jinchuks-

like myself and I want to grow up to be the Hokage to get people to notice me."

Sasuke sighed before pointing out. "It's _Jinchuuriki_."

"Yeah yeah...so, if I'm a Jiriki, why is this bum here?"

"He's the demon that was previously housed in your body."

My eyes widened. "So he kicked me out of my body? Sweet!"

Kyuubi chuckled. "See? We're both happy this way..."

"Shut up," Sasuke ordered Kyuubi. "Short of handing you to Ibiki...or torturing you myself, there's almost nothing I can do."

"Why?" I inquired, the dead ramen still clear in my mind.

"Well," he said thoughtfully. "My technique might end up damaging him mentally-which would not be the best if you get your body back...

And Ibiki would...well, he'd pulverize your body."

I felt the imposter shiver and sighed.

"I guess brain damage and mush for a body aren't the best way to go," I stated.

I had decided to go along with the "I'm Naruto" thing simply because it kept me close to ramen...and far from death by Booby-chan, who

seemed to have a soft spot for whoever this Naruto guy was.

Sasuke folded his arms together and stood, glaring down at the both of us with finality.

"I'm sure you're both aware that Tsunade placed a jutsu over this house to ensure you both get a nasty shock should you conveniently have

amnesia and try to cut short your house arrest. Also, Sakura and Lee have been charged with guarding you- as well as Neji and a few

others Tsunade chooses."

Even though I couldn't see it, I _knew _Kyuubi smirked. "Great, it'll be like a slumber party."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he said the next few words.

"If you trash my place, I will kill you.

If you touch my stuff, I will kill you.

If you breath without me giving you permission, hand written and stamped, three weeks in advance, I _will _kill you.

If you even _think _about displeasing me in any way, which you are already doing simply by existing; I. WILL. KILL. YOU."

Funny, it sounded like his mind was made up on our deaths already.

Sasuke grabbed his katana.

Oh shit.

"Sasuke...you don't want to do this..." Kyuubi said calmly, even though he edged away.

Screw calm!

"Sasuke! No! Think about all the good times!"

Yup...No calm for me. I'll gladly trade in my dignity for the continuation of my life, thankyou very much.

Sasuke smirked and brought down the sword in a swift motion.

"Sasuke, you friggin BASTARD! How _dare _you kill me! How _dare _you? How will the world survive without this awesome hunk of fox! How-"

Free of the ropes Sasuke had apparently just cut, Kyuubi tipped my chair over and I fell to the floor, mid-rant.

"That _HURT_, you turd!"

Kyuubi rolled his eyes and plopped down onto the sofa.

After throwing Kyuubi a small glare, Sasuke threw two scrolls at us.

We stared blankly at them.

"What are these?"

"Your breathing permission for the next three weeks. Be sure to write and apply for new ones before your time is up."

With that, he walked away. I stared at the scroll in front of me, not missing Kyuubi's smirk and he unrolled his with fervour.

Wait...

...

"YOU BASTARD! I DON'T HAVE ANY THUMBS!"

**(I am a sweet, innocent page break. LET'S GO SKINNY DIPPING!) **

Tsunade sighed as she paced, seemingly not aware that Lee and Sakura were still in the room. She'd sent Sasuke home with Naruto and

Kyuubi and placed the latter two under house arrest, applying the jutsu before they left.

Lee seemed to be fidgeting in his seat, his youthfulness almost at the brink of exploding after his five minute suppression.

Sakura also seemed impatient but waited while her sensei seemed to carve a path into her lovely Persian rug, which still had a stain from

Naruto's tolerance of Body-Flickering.

She bit her lip as she remembered picking up the adorable fox and holding it to her bosom where she'd hugged the poor thing lovingly.

Oh…when Naruto got back to normal, she was gonna _kill _him.

Tsunade sighed and sat on her desk, facing the two ninjas.

"No one must know of this. I know I said that earlier but it needs repeating. If I hear about it from _anywhere_, I will have your headprotectors

destroyed and have you both thrown into prison. Do you understand me?"

They nodded.

"Tsunade-sensei…do you know what's happening with Naruto and the Kyuubi?"

Tsunade frowned. "No…as far as I can tell, their chakra has merged but they separated bodies, each one taking a different form- the wrong

form."

Sakura sighed. "Their chakra was distinct before. It's relatively difficult for different chakra to merge."

Tsunade nodded. "I'm led to believe that was the result of a powerful jutsu. Mixed chakra doesn't happen. It's not natural. Even when

performing medical jutsu, we usually overcome the body's chakra rejection forcefully as we perform operations."

Lee cleared his throat. "Um…if I may ask, wasn't their chakra mixed already? Kyuubi was sealed within Naruto as a child."

Tsunade shook her head. "No. Even then, they were separate. Naruto would only borrow Kyuubi's in battle, with varying consequences.

Whenever that happened, his own would be blocked, letting the Kyuubi release his into the boy's system."

"Where was Kyuubi's chakra stored then?"

Tsunade smiled sadly. "It wasn't."

"Huh?"

"To be a vessel to a demon, the body must constantly provide chakra that will grate away at that of the demon's. If the chakra of the vessel

isn't enough, the body will hibernate so it produces the necessary chakra or will go into a coma, letting the demon's chakra completely

loose…letting it free."

"Like with Gaara…" Sakura whispered.

"Exactly," Tsunade nodded. "Most vessels have unbelievably large chakra reserves themselves…letting them have the power contain,

control and use the demons within them. That _was_ their initial purpose after all."

"What do you mean?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Jinchuuriki originated as weapons of war."

"But Naruto?"

Tsunade looked at the ceiling. "He was no different."

They were silent for awhile before Lee coughed.

"Naruto is my friend, weapon or not."

Tsunade and Sakura smiled.

"Do you have any clue what might have happened to Naruto to give him amnesia? Might it be the jutsu?"

Tsunade frowned again. "Not knowing the origins of the jutsu, I can't say. I'm sure Kyuubi remembers but I'm also sure that nothing we do

will get him to tell us. Naruto needs to remember it on his own."

"Remember what?"

"Whatever it was, it was bad enough that he seems to have blocked it out."

"If it was simply blocking, he'd at least remember who he was," Sakura pointed out.

Tsunade nodded. "You're right… Which means, it was bad enough that he blocked that out too- his identity and his whole life."

"I guess we can thank Ichiraku's for having him come back," Lee grinned. "Their youthful meals always warm our young friend's heart!"

Tsunade chuckled. "I suppose."

"So…what are we up against?" Sakura asked calmly, even though her heart was hammering at the prospect of someone obviously being

responsible for Naruto's condition.

"We don't know. That's why I'm putting you two in charge of Naruto's protection and ensuring no one else knows about the body switch.

This room is fairly protected from eavesdroppers and spies so it's relatively safe. I'll brief Neji, Kiba and Hinata on the very basics of the

situation and have them relieve you of your duty in shifts starting tonight. I'm sure they care about Naruto just as much as you two."

**(I am an Uchiha page break. Look into my eyes…aren't they pretty?)**

It was lunchtime here at the lovely Uchiha manor and the ever-so-elegant bastard was smirking at me and Kyuubi as he ate his food while

we looked on.

Sadly, I can't say it's because he's a sadist…

He _had_ made Kyuubi and me food…but then, Kyuubi had thought it would be funny to mention Sasuke's wifely attributes and I had

snickered. _That _had gotten our share burnt to a crisp by Sasuke's fire jutsu.

As we gaped, staring at our blackened plates containing ash that, in its past life, had been spaghetti, Sasuke smirked at us.

Kyuubi's stomach growled and I glared at him.

"_This_ is all _your_ fault, blondie."

He looked affronted. "I'm not blonde fool. This isn't _my_ natural colouring."

I smirked. "I'd ask you to prove it but your lack of dick would-"

"_Shut up_."

"Truth hurts, huh?"

Kyuubi snorted. "This is your body so…"

I snorted right back, "_Please_, I have a massive-"

"Quiet."

The word was softly spoken by Sasuke, holding the very possible threat of reuniting us with our food in the next life.

I assume we were eager to get there as Kyuubi scowled. "Don't make me hurt you, _Naruto_-"

"Bite me, ramen killer."

"I don't wanna get rabies."

I huffed. "Like rabies would get _you_."

"Are you always this stupid or are you making special effort today?"

"Special effort…and yet, I'm still not quite up to par with you."

"Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway."

"At least I _have_ a mind."

By this time, Sasuke was looking back and forth between the two of us with an amused expression on his face while he ate.

"Yeah yeah, keep talking. Maybe someday you might actually say something intelligent."

"Which is more than I can say for you."

Kyuubi moved right up to my face and said with a growl, his eyes turning red, "This is a _perfect_ time for you to become a missing person."

"Says the guy who's all foam and no beer."

"Who died and crowned you king of fools?"

"Yo mamma."

Kyuubi growled loudly as he grabbed me, tackling me to the ground for daring insult his dear mother.

As his hands closed around my throat, I wrapped my tails around his and tightened them as he did. We lay there on the ground, strangling

each other while Sasuke sat there, like he was being provided a private lunch show.

Just when I was sure we were both about to pass out, Kyuubi and came to the silent conclusion that maybe this wasn't a bright idea.

Strangling each other was getting us nowhere.

So we let go and bit each other as we rolled around, him adding punches to my stomach while I poked him in the eye with my tail.

By some unfortunate stroke of fate, we banged into the table and my plate- the blackened charred one- fell to the floor and broke beside us.

We paid no attention to it an continued to fight like the true men (boy and fox) that we were.

That is, until we felt the concentrated killer intent.

Now normally, I believe I should let killer intent run its course, especially if it's from a killer. But when it's focused on me as well, I stuff my

beliefs in my gym bag and run for the hills. Which is why I out the room and toward the door, leaving Kyuubi to his fate, like the martyr I'm

sure he's always wanted to be.

I didn't account for the damn imposter to also be interested in living which is why I was surprised when he dashed past me, threw open the

door and escaped.

Or tried to.

It was _amazing_ the way he was thrown back. He landed by my side and I smirked before I too ran for freedom and was barely out the door

before I too was thrown back, my insides on fire as I landed and curled into a ball.

"Hn."

Oh screw you, bastard.

Kyuubi and I both gathered enough energy to look up and glare at the amused Uchiha.

"You _bastard_."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at Kyuubi. "You're under house arrest. Did you forget?"

House arrest?

Oh yeah… the Boob fairy's barrier.

Damn her and her mammary organs! I hope they grow flat and empty and hung down to her shoes! I hope her descendants grow boobs on

their backs! I hope her nations' manhood withers and dies and that her land bears no fruit and-

"Naruto."

I huffed as my curses went unfinished and looked at Sasuke who was glaring down at me.

What _right _did he have to glare at the awesomeness that was me?

Yeah, you need _papers _to do that fool!

"You weren't listening," Sasuke said calmly. Like the calm right before a vicious, bloody murder.

Crap…

I'M TOO YOUNG AND SEXY TO DIE!

Kyuubi eyed me weirdly and rolled his eyes, still lying on the floor.

The pain was almost gone now… just a dull thud really, and I carefully stood- muttering more curses and Boob-chan's kin.

"I said you two will have to pay me back for the plate you broke."

My eyes widened.

"Are you _retarded_? _You're _the one who went all dragon fire on its ass!"

"Plates don't have asses," Kyuubi stated dryly.

I snorted. "I'm sorry, were you a plate in a past life? No? Then shut the hell up."

Kyuubi rolled his eyes again and I cursed him too, hoping they'd roll right out of his head.

"You didn't even _like _that plate," he said to Sasuke.

"Doesn't mean you should've broken it. I don't like your _neck_. Maybe I should break that too…"

Kyuubi swallowed and backed away. "Don't you think killing us is going abit too far?"

Wait…

…

US?

"HE SAID _**YOUR **_NECK!" I protested angrily at Kyuubi. "Don't you _dare _bring me into _your _impending expiration!"

Sasuke sighed impatiently. "You'll both be doing chores."

Kyuubi stilled and turned back to Sasuke. "That's alright, just kill me."

The brunet ignored him and threw a cloth at his face. "Get to work."

So here we were…cleaning up the kitchen so we could get to eat.

Sasuke had left Kyuubi and me a list of chores.

I never thought I'd miss being treated like a mindless pet so much…

On the plus side, I don't think I'll be getting anymore drowning sessions (popularly known as "baths").

Kyuubi handed me the floor shining brush and I scowled up at him.

Oh, ha-bloody-ha... He thinks he's _sooo _funny.

I pushed the brush onto the floor, pressing lightly with my paw and then I sat back.

Kyuubi watched me with disgust. "It won't shine itself, idiot."

I lifted one of my tails up at him- my equivalent of giving him the finger.

As we cleaned, with me sliding on the wet cloth in my version of 'mopping', we jabbed at little things about Sasuke and his house.

"His house plants are all alive…and you can't smoke any of them."

"You're _kidding_."

"No…"

"Wow…"

Clean…grumble…clean…

"He watches the weather channel…"

"What a nerd."

Clean…almost break other plate…sigh in relief…clean…grumble…

Kyuubi opened the fridge. "This guy keeps more food than beer in here."

"There's beer in there?"

"Nope."

I snickered. "Even his fridge's a virgin, eh?"

Kyuubi chuckled. "He's a _virgin_?"

I gave him an amused glance. "Can you picture him having sex?"

Kyuubi seemed to think about it and a light blush dusted his cheeks even as I felt warmth in my stomach.

WTF?

"You _can?_"

Kyuubi shook his head and grimaced, as if to get rid of unwanted images. "That was…weird."

"What?"

"I just pictured Sasuke naked."

"Thanks for sharing."

"Don't be an idiot. Not like _that_! They were…like memories."

I smirked. "Uh huh…"

"It's true."

"Sure…"

"Screw you."

"Tell that to Sasuke," I teased.

Kyuubi's eyes narrowed before he smirked. "If this is your body…that means those were _your_ memories."

I snorted. "Hey, I'm just a fox."

Kyuubi chuckled, like he knew something I didn't- and I just ignored him.

Hell would freeze over and implode before someone ever knew something I didn't, if at all it was even worth we were finally done, Sasuke

dished us out our meals and disappeared again but not before warning us of our brutal, imminent demise, should we mess up again.

We ate in silence, with my eating from the plate placed on the counter.

When we were done, we cleaned up quietly and sat down at the table, with me on the table.

It was like we'd both realized the same thing.

We were stuck here till someone figured out what the hell had happened to us.

Suddenly, the house arrest seemed very bleak and prison-like.

"Well…this sucks," I heaved a sigh.

"You saying it sucks won't make it any less sucky," Kyuubi muttered irritably.

I considered him. "Look, if I'm Naruto, that means I've been stuck with you almost since birth…which means I should at least be free of you 

_now_ that we've been separated but no, I'm _still_ screwed."

His eyes narrowed in anger. "_I'm _the one who was trapped. _I'm _the one who was placed inside a weak _child _for all these years. _I'm-_"

"You should be more grateful you weren't just killed," I replied coldly.

Kyuubi glared hard. "Like I wanted to be shut in with your stupid ass."

"I'm sure I never did anything to you! It wasn't even my choice to have you nesting your bloody evil self inside me!"

"Yes but you could have made the best of it and you _did_, using my power whenever it pleased you…"

"You could've refused."

"It was the closest I ever got to being free…and to _killing you_," he said venomously.

I blinked in surprise.

Wow.

He really hated me.

"Was I that bad a host?"

Kyuubi sneered. "Of course. You were the _worst_!"

"Oh." For some reason, I felt bad for the vindictive bastard.

"I'm sorry." Blue eyes widened as Kyuubi turned back to me- surprise and anger pretty obvious.

Kyuubi was suffering too.

It just never occurred to me.

And just like that, I remembered… and it _hurt_.

Power shot through me and for a moment, I thought Kyuubi had stabbed me.

"Naruto?"

I looked up immediately at Sasuke.

How had he gotten here so fast?

Well, the bastard always did enjoy showing off..

."What's wrong?" he asked urgently.

I didn't feel so good.

I just shook my head.

**Lend me your power...**

Behind Sasuke, Kyuubi was watching me with something akin to worry. I almost laughed. I was _obviously _delirious.

He wanted to kill me.

That was why he always offered his power… The stupid asshole.

But…Didn't he do that so he wouldn't die, too?

He once said that I was useless to him dead…that he didn't want a weak vessel…that the only reason he ever helped me out was so he

didn't end up dying just because my lame ass got killed.

**You're weak, kit.**

Huh... No wonder 'kit' had fit so perfectly when Sasuke had said it.

**Let's kick their asses.**

'_Let's'? _He _had _always acknowledged we were together in this…while I was always selfish. I always used our power to protect my friends, or

my village…but even as I did those things, it was also always to protect myself. I wanted to be acknowledged by everyone…and being dead

wouldn't get me the kind of notice I wanted.

As darkness washed over me, slipping off the marble surface, all I could think was...

**Kyuubi… **

**I remember... **

**And…I'm sorry…**

**...**

**I'm sorry you're an asshole.**

**-**x-

**A/N: Sorry I took ages... And sorry it was so short. And sorry it sucked so much. My vacation's on but so are my projects **

**(attachment this time actually. Will be working for a beef corp. Yes, they exist... "Free meat...?" Sadly, no.)**

**You might say: WTF Riz? AGAIN?**

**Me: Yes, yes again. This will occur every vacation I have.**

**Still, once again, that's no excuse and I will get my ass up and write this fic *strikes good guy pose amidst loud cheering in **

**head...again***

**-x-**

**PS: THIS IS NOT A RAPE FIC, SORRY FOR SHOOTING DOWN YOUR ASSUMPTIONS IN ADVANCE.**

**-x-**

**Review reply**

**Kanazerosukenaru: **And don't we all enjoy WTF moments? In one sitting? You must like reading… Er yeah, you mentioned LOVED quite a few times… :D

**Hwap: **yes, I did…and then I didn't for a long, long time…and then I did again, See? Updating is a vicious cycle.

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **Thanks for prompting me to update. Sorry it took so long, had to start work (attachment. No pay. Damn) Suspense? In MY fics? Never. ;)

**NatsumiMichiko: **"Naruto is OOC". Yes dear, I know. He's a fox with amnesia. I was under the impression people with amnesia sometimes don't act like they did before.

**Ladydhampir: **I'm glad you did :) Evil laugh duly noted…

**Ketsueki Kaen: **As usual? Thanks so much XD I hope this one didn't disappoint you too much…

**sparks fire-51: **Will do :) But don't get _too _excited just in case I disappoint you…

**KatrinaEagle: **being thrown out a window IS pretty epic, isn't it? Lol

**Sprig: **I do love twisted things…like doughnuts…

**Narutoluvr9: **lol, yeah…finally. Just to vanish again for awhile eh?

**Juura99: **It is my greatest honour to have you laughing…even if you have to die… I mean…um…fluffy bunnies?

**Sylvania: **Yes, the story will be a few more chapters, roughly about six or seven more (I think)…

**Kage kitsune no yami: **I'm sure you'd have guessed eventually XD

**Kittykatsaymeow: **COOKIES! You're the reason I'm gonna be fat! I hate yewww! *munching cookies* mmm… I ain't sharing nuthin!

**Catwiskers10: **Yay! I like being great!

**MadaMag: **yeah…I guess he just did agree to be a human Naruto :)

**7thtreasure: **Stop reading my fics and go look at porn! Just like they want you to, lol

**LadyLightly: **UPDATE UR FIC DAMMIT! Hey…my story _does_ have a serious plot…somewhere… Yay, I like kudos. (what are kudos?) Er…I already promised some other amusing person that I'd marry _them_ so…uh…sorry? But I'll take the sasunaru ring, thank XD

**Karina-chan33: **thanks so much *beams*

**Lingo10: **fox pee IS magical! Haha!

**Windalchemist001: **There's a lot of people in your head…isn't it a tad bit crowded in there? XD Thanks!

**Hitokiri Shinzui: **he does rant a lot, huh? *stomps hanky into fox-naru's mouth…*

**ShadowOfAPrincess: **YAY YOU! CONGRATS! Suspense? Where?

**Bitter Faerie: ***hides* Your Gai personality scares me… Thanks :)

**K.S.T.M: **Will do…hopefully soon this time…XD

**RedYentl: **you trademarked your glare of doom TOO? Cool! *coughs* thanks for all the reviews… :)

**Serenityofthematrix: **thanks a ton! :D

**KhairulJBlack: **Heya mate, I stopped cause…uh…Y'know…stuff… Ha! You can't beat me over the head with a stick! You don't even _have_ a stick!

**YuTa-chan: **Thanks! That's great :)

**Gaaralover51141: **Thankyou, that's nice of you to say… Here you are…

**Hinatablueeyes708: **yay for being a crazy person! Yay I say! Yay! Hi :)

**KyouyaxCloud: **I'mglad, thanks…

**Narutosasunarulover: **sorry! I was having assessment, tests, quizes and exams…continuously (except for exams, they came last)

**Narutofweak: **Cliffhanger of doom? *cute pout* where?

**Dust66: **Don't die! Oh wait…if you do die, please check the afterlife for my pet Duck, the Might Ducky, and ask his forgiveness for that fateful day…of the delicious duck dinner… Tell him I'm sorry.

**Rubymeetssapphonyx: **yeah, I know. Too many fics to update, hehe… Maybe I'll delete some till I at least finish this one…jk. Kyuubi's doing nothing…like me.

**Dakuenjeru: **There's a fox pout jutsu? Did you steal it from Kyuubi?

**Lunarious1000: **I don't know why it stopped! *cries in shame*

**Panduh-Fox-love: **LOL, great! At least someone noticed the princess bride quote! I love that movie. Old…and yet, so funny XD

**: **Naruto went through some stuff…bad stuff…which will be revealed later! Yay!

**White-Tainted-Red: **Yeah, he IS one hot so much! :D My imagination is barely handled by my mates…so I guess fan fiction was a last resolve to filter it… XD

**TheNarufreak: **Aww… *blushes* Thannkyou…

**Mrs Hatake Itachi: **Will do!

**TheWitchBaby: **Mansex? Is that what you want? And I thought you just wanted fluff and little pink bunnies! HUZZAH!

**Kilei: **Thanks mate…

**DEMONIC BLACKMAGIC: **Eeeeek! Lol, I'm glad you like it…

**Junigatsu84: **Yay, thanks XD Cute? Aw man, I was going for manly and violent! Dammit! *Deletes story* hehe…er…sorry?

-x-

**For blackmail footage of Sasuke in a bunny suit, press 1**

**For pie-covered Naruto, press 2**

**For world domination and legalized sasunaru porn, press 3.**

**For "Why aren't the above buttons working?", click the review button below and leave a message. A support team of Anbu **

**assassins will get back to you as soon as they can.**


	9. An Unlikely Screwup

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

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**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

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**Summary: **Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human… He's found by Sasuke who decided to take him in. In the meantime, everyone's looking for the human Naruto… SasuNaru

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**Previously: **_I always used our power to protect my friends, or my village…but even as I did those things, it was also always to protect myself. I wanted to be acknowledged by everyone…and being dead wouldn't get me the kind of notice I wanted.  
As darkness washed over me, slipping off the marble surface, all I could think was...  
__**Kyuubi… **_

_**I remember... **_

_**And…**__  
__**I'm sorry…**__  
__**...**__  
__**I'm sorry you're such an asshole.**_

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**Chapter 9: Acquainted**

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"WHAT THE _HELL _HAPPENED TO MY BODY?"

For about five seconds, it had been a pleasant morning.

One moment I was waking up to the beautiful sounds of birds chirping and the welcome feel of the crisp morning air and the next, I was looking into Sasuke's swirling sharingan thingy…

"NARUTO!"  
Of course, I couldn't be blamed for hitting him and _defending _myself.

Honestly, what did he expect?

For three years, every time I'd met the bloody fool he'd tried to kill me.

Three. Bloody. Years.

That's a long time to have a tantrum.

Cause really, what else could you call what he was doing by _refusing to come home_.

Children in playgrounds everywhere could totally relate to the moody prick.

Why the hell was he in my room anyway?

It was then that I had realized that I wasn't in my room…but in a pretty familiar looking room all the same.

I was in my private _hospital _room.

The old lady had ordered one for me when she noticed how after _some _ofmy awesomely badass missions, I ended up in the hospital.

Not cause I was weak, _perish _the thought.

But cause I was facing people who were somewhere around my levels of power and awesomeness (which is labeled 'S Class' in ninja circles)…and that's saying something.

Anyway, getting my own hospital room made me feel _so _important.

I'm not exactly sure why…even with the three bleeding marks on Sasuke's face, I hadn't noticed something was wrong.

I jumped out of bed, ready to go downstairs and demand my release like I always do when I noticed two things.

_First_, everyone was taller than me, and they were all sitting (welcome back repressed memories of a height challenged 13 year old me.)

_Second_, I had a snout.

Okay…

…

I'm a ninja and I am calm.

This led to me patiently assessing the situation while I decided on my plan of action and actually came up with a good one:

**Panic**.

Which is what brought us to this:

"**WHAT THE **_**HELL **_**HAPPENED TO MY BODY?"**

And now, we're on the same page.

I stared at the people I'd grown used to seeing by my hospital bed over the years.

Tsunade and Sakura were watching me like they would a newly discovered amoeba and I was deeply insulted by this.

Sasuke was leaning against the window sill looking cool- the bastard- and Kakashi was lying on the other hospital bed, seemingly unbothered by the fact that I was hairy, short and had four tails coming out of my ass.

I growled angrily and Sasuke raised an eyebrow at me.

"What? So this is supposed to be _funny_? Turning me into a miniature version of Kyuubi?"

"We didn't do this to you, Naruto," Tsunade said with what I assumed was relief in her voice.

"What can you remember?" Sakura asked.

I looked at her. "Remember about what?"

"The last day he remembered before, was some day he was supposed to go train with Jiraiya," Sasuke supplied.

I glared at him for daring to reveal my plans and he sighed. "Don't tell me that's still what you think even _now_?"

I shrugged.

There was something in the back of my mind that was itching to come forward but try as I might, I couldn't quite grasp it.

It was like knowing today was a Friday but not being able to fill in what you did on Thursday…and coming to the logical conclusion that it was the result of an alien abduction- or you know, alcohol.

I was more than familiar with this type of jutsu- the alcohol kind- and I said: "Okay, so I have some sort of jutsu-induced amnesia. That isn't a problem as I can remember who you are, where I live and who I am. Also I'm fairly certain I can recall all the scrolls I've ever studied and jutsu I've learnt."

The others seemed fairly impressed and I sighed.

"Yes guys, I'm not an idiot. Get over it already."

They maintained their shock and I muttered angrily about stupid idiots who didn't believe my brain was a miracle of nature.

"Naruto? Could you please come over here?"

I walked over to Shizune and-

On a third bed, strapped down and being watched over by Shizune, was… _me_.

I stared at the body that I knew was mine and felt my chest tighten with dread.

"I _died_?"

My body's eyes opened and stared at me in disbelief. "_My gosh_, you're an idiot."

I snorted. "Sod off."

I leaped onto the bed and proceeded to poke and prod as much as I could.

"Quit it!"

I jumped on the stomach and my body yelped.

I smirked. "So who's the imposter?"

Said imposter glared wholeheartedly at me, swearing colorfully.

"That's Kyuubi," Tsunade sighed.

I stared. "No, seriously."

"I'm serious."

I blinked and turned back to my body- currently being occupied by Kyuubi- and frowned at the smug looking bastard.

Granted, I looked quite handsome but that was not the point.

"What the hell did you do!"  
Kyuubi rolled his eyes. "Let's just think for a moment," the fox started. "I've been sealed in you for what, eternity?-"

"Eighteen years."

"-and now that I'm sort of free, you all have the _stupidest _assumption that I'd tell you how it happened. And by the way, in the event that I actually _did_ know what happened, trust me when I say I wouldn't tell you."

"Why not?" Sakura demanded.

Boy, for someone who claims to be so smart, she sure knows how to pull out dumb questions.

Even I knew the answer to that.

Kyuubi was technically finally free.

And could virtually face no consequences.

They couldn't hurt him, not when he had my body and they couldn't torture him, not when he had my mind.

Hell, he could escape right now and the Anbu would probably be forced to capture him with a couple of cushions and cotton candy.

The fox was currently untouchable.

"OW!"  
The coppery taste of blood filled my mouth as my teeth sank into Kyuubi's- _my-_ leg.

Kyuubi thrashed in pain, swearing loudly at me.

I let go and leaped onto his chest, letting my claws dig in as he glared at me- promising death.

"They might not be able to touch you but I don't mind leaving a few scars," I said smugly. "You probably shouldn't forget that."

Our eyes maintained their glares and finally, Kyuubi let out a small chuckle.

"Look who grew some balls."

I rolled my eyes at that, tempted to remind him that I had _tons_ of balls- maybe even one for each tail when I relented, knowing that Sakura probably wasn't above punching a fox into the wall for the sake of propriety.

"We should probably get them both out of here before they raise suspicion," Sasuke said from his seat at the window, looking outside.

"I'm surprised you weren't weary of this in the first place," Kakashi said dryly, turning another page of his lil book o' porn. "_Honestly_, the village was attacked by a fox with nine tails just eighteen years ago that you knew to be sealed within Naruto- and you find a fox with four tails and your first thought was 'hey, cool pet'? What the hell was I teaching you all those years?"

"Porn," we answered calmly.

Kakashi sighed and waved his hand at us dismissively. "Porn is good for you, like vegetables."

It's amazing we turned out to have any ninja skills at all.

"Well done Hinata. I almost didn't notice you there."

At the door, Hinata was leaning against the frame. She smiled at Kakashi and stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry for arriving late Hokage," Hinata bowed at Booby.

"That's alright," The Boobkage said

She looked down at Kyuubi and then raised an eyebrow at the old lady.

Tsunade nodded.

Okay seriously, is no one else concerned with how our Hokage has an obvious botox obsession and how she resorted to plastic surgery for her…erm…

Yeah…

Kakashi once swore by his left eye that her boobs were real.

I think he's full of shit…

I'll believe him once I investigate the area myself and-

"Hello…"

Kyuubi glanced at her and smiled. "Hinata… How've you been?"

"Good Kyuubi, you?"

Eyes widened.

Sakura seemed pretty impressed. "Hinata… How did you-"  
"I can recognize their chakra," Hinata said, studying Kyuubi closely as she activated her byakugan.

She then leaned down and ran a hand through my fur.

I did _not _purr.

"If I were you," she smiled mischievously at me. "I'd want to stay that way. You're cute."

"You know," I said, eyeing her warily. "You should be abit more worried."

She shrugged. "I see no reason to worry."

"Cause me being a fox and him being in my body is just one of those things?" I asked incredulously.

Hinata chuckled. "Naruto, we're ninjas. We deal with weird stuff everyday. We walk up trees, walk on water and are able to use the elements with a couple of funny hand gestures. Really, alittle shape shifting is hardly surprising."

I snorted at her. "Yeah well, it wasn't on purpose."

"Yes," she nodded. "I can see that."

I _really _miss the days when she was a stuttering mess.

Hinata was eyeing me and Kyuubi strangely. "You know, instead of wondering how this happened and how to get back to normal, as I'm sure you've been doing, you should probably be concerned with why your chakra's growing."

"What?" Tsunade asked sharply.

"Their chakra merged and-"  
"Yes yes, the merging part was obvious, but _growing_?"

Hinata nodded. "Growing. I'm sure Sasuke can see it too if he uses his sharingan."

Sasuke shook his head, finally seeming interested in what was happening inside the room. "No, the last time I used it, he was in pain and switched back to his 'Kit' form."

"_Kit _form?"

"It's like his split personality," Kyuubi snorted in amusement. "He becomes a clueless, arrogant fox."

"As opposed to a clueless, arrogant Naruto?" Hinata asked, teasing.

I growled. "When I get my body back, you're all dead."

"So, about the chakra _growing_," Tsunade threw us a dirty glare.

Hinata shrugged but failed to hide the discomfort from her face. "It's not great yet but in a few weeks, it will be."

"What's wrong with having growing chakra?" I asked. "Don't our bodies do that all the time anyway."

"No," Sakura said thoughtfully. "Even though our bodies are constantly supplying chakra, it's because it's constantly being used. There's a limited amount of chakra that can be in our bodies at any time. That's why when it gets depleted, we rest to build it up again."

"Then isn't this good?"

"You're a fox with no way to channel the excess chakra out. Can you _not _see how this could be bad?" Sasuke remarked impatiently.

"No need to be snarky about it," I sighed.

"This is _serious_ Naruto," Hinata frowned. "We need to find a way to get you back into your body _before_ it gets to be too much."

"What'll happen to _this _body if it does?" I asked worriedly.

Hinata provided the answer I'd been dreading. "The chakra will overflow…and that body will probably destroy itself."

"Then it's fine."

They all stared at me in disbelief. All except Kyuubi whose head was turned to the side, like he was ignoring us.

"If you find a way to get me back to my body, chances are Kyuubi will probably get stuck in this one, with no way to channel chakra out. He'd die."

Everyone was shocked at my words…even more shocked at what I was implying.

"You want…to _protect _Kyuubi?" Sakura asked sharply.

"Yes."

"Are you _insane?_"

That was from Kyuubi.

I looked at him and grinned a foxy grin. "Yeah… I probably am."

"I'm sorry but I can't allow that," Tsunade stated calmly.

"Yeah well, I can't allow you to switch us. You don't even know where _this_ body came from and how I got in it. In the event that you find a way to keep both Kyuubi and me in the same body, _my_ body….it'll be with him trapped again…or with me trapped. That could happen too and I sure as hell don't want that."

"Then what do you want Naruto?" Sakura asked angrily. "You want to _both _be free? You want Kyuubi to take over your life while you die in his place? None of you seem to remember what happened to get you like this and _now_ you suddenly want to play martyr!"

"I've always played martyr," I joked.

"No."

The words were so low I almost didn't hear them.

I glanced at Sasuke and he sighed. "We'll find a way to get them both out of this… without resealing Kyuubi."

Tsunade frowned suddenly as if the thought had just occurred to her. "Resealing Kyuubi?"

Sasuke nodded. "If you want Kyuubi back in Naruto, it'll have to be with whatever put him in there in the first place."

Kyuubi looked at Tsunade who was suddenly looking exhausted and smirked. "It took a lot to seal me."

Tsunade glared at the fox. "Yes well, if it comes to that, I'll do it."

"What did it take?" I asked, curious.

No one answered. I'm not sure if anyone else even knew…and I…I could only guess.

That kind of sobriety only came with deep loss- either a large sum of money, or a death.

Judging from Tsunade's face, I'd say money.

She has the worst luck.

"Wait a minute," Hinata looked at them and for the first time, I could see anger in her eyes. "Who says you have to reseal Kyuubi into _Naruto_? Hasn't his life been hard enough?"

The others paused.

The thought hadn't occurred to them…and it hadn't occurred to me either.

I guess I'd grown used to the hatred and the insults…

A world without me being a monster just hadn't occurred to me.

But here Hinata was, saying it was a possibility and in that instant, the seed of hope had been planted.

Tsunade frowned. "What option do we have?"

Hinata shook her head and looked at me and Kyuubi. "You can seal him in me."

The silence following that was almost tangible.

Both Kyuubi and I stared at the girl.

"Why the hell would you do that?" Kyuubi asked, beating me to the question.

Hinata shrugged. "You're my friends."

Kyuubi chuckled after a moment and said, "As much as I'd love to be inside you- and I mean that in every perverted sense of the word-" Kakashi beamed. "-I'll stick with Naruto."

Hinata started to protest and Shizune raised a hand to stop her.

"Naruto's body was suited for the sealing more than yours. You'd be killed," she said simply.

I blinked.

"How was mine _suited_?"

"You originally had an immense amount of chakra, a basic requirement for any vessel."

"Uh huh…"

I glanced at Kyuubi and saw that he was trying to appear calm.

Knowing him like I do, unwillingly so, I could tell he was fuming.

I suppose it must have pissed him off to have everyone discussing him like he's just a bothersome object.

Which he is.

But still…

"You can seal him back into me," I said. "I don't mind."

Kyuubi's eyes widened before narrowing with suspicion.

My reasons for keeping him were simple.

The fox may be a vindictive bastard but he was _my_ vindictive bastard. We argued and hated each other as only family could.

He was like the irritating older brother I never wanted.

And I couldn't possibly let someone else go through everything I had.

That wouldn't be fair.

It wouldn't be right.

"Always thinking about others, huh?" Kyuubi spat, as if he could read my mind.

I smiled at him.

Even if he was trying his best to act like he found me revolting, I could tell he didn't mind me so much and only found me _mildly _disgusting.

When Tsunade, Shizune and Sakura went away to do research, Sasuke was busy giving me dark looks, apparently trying variations of his glare...

Hinata was talking somewhat pleasantly with Kyuubi- who seemed to like her as he was actually being nice- and Kakashi was still reading his porn.

I'd never say it to his face but I think Kakashi's a great ninja.

I actually think that introducing the reading of porn into the ninja curriculum and encouraging students to read it on missions will help produce better shinobi.

Just think, you're a ninja out drinking in a foreign bar, trying to gather information and a hot assassin lures you to her bed.

Now, on the off chance that she's actually looking to get laid, this is great.

On the other hand, if she's trying to kill you, you're already immune to her feminine wiles…as you've seen, read and _heard _about better. Seriously, Jiraiya once told me that in Rock country there's a woman with _perfect_ boobs.

Now there's something I'd like to see.

I've been surrounded by guys too often lately and horror of horrors, I think my eyes lingered on the Forbidden Forest, popularly known as the terrain on Tsunade's chest. How'd Tsunade get her boobs to be so huge anyway, _if _Kakashi's claim that they were genuine was real? And didn't she have any tips for Sakura? What was their apprenticeship for then?

Poor Sakura.

But… speaking of people with a lack of boobs, Sasuke was looking broody which in itself is no cause for worry as he has his constipation face on and that's how he always looks but now he looks like it's really bad.

He has the face of a five year old who _really_ has to go number 2...maybe even 2 and a half.

I chuckled at that, imagining Sasuke pouting churlishly because of his need to go potty.

Sasuke looked at me curiously. "What?"

"You have no boobs."

Yeah… apparently that wasn't the right thing to say as he frowned and looked helplessly at Kakashi who just flipped the page.

"I should hope not," Hinata said. "Sasuke already appeals to way too many people as it is."

Sasuke glared at the Hyuuga and she smiled sweetly.

Hmm…

When did Hinata get so evil?

"We hung out a lot after you brought Sasuke back," Hinata said, scratching me behind the ears as I realized I'd spoken out loud. "We were pretty close."

My eyes widened as I remembered.

All those times I'd be training myself into oblivion because I wasn't strong enough to bring Sasuke back and not pass out.

Hinata had trained with me and I'd made a deal with her.

every time she stuttered, I'd hit her.

To me, it was a weakness, one an enemy could easily take advantage of- I don't know how but we do tend to have ingenious enemies so they'd find a way.

Great, I'd just praised all our foes.

I really must be out of it.

Sasuke huffed by his little corner at the window and I stared at him.

"What's _your_ problem?"

He scowled. "You are."

I blinked and then just decided to ignore him.

That seemed to irk him and he glared mightily at us.

It almost seemed like he was jealous…

I snorted at that.

Sasuke had been the one who'd told me off, spewing nonsense about breaking bonds, bones and virginity (okay, not virginity) and telling me where to get off every time I tried to save him from the darkness.

He'd gotten his power sure, and hadn't even bothered to thank me when I'd managed to stop him from killing Itachi and told him about the real details of the Uchiha massacre and Itachi's twisted need for redemption.

If I had a brother like Itachi, I'd sure as hell never try to kill him- unless he somehow disrespected ramen.

Itachi had been the one to carry the injured Sasuke almost all the way back to the village before I took over and he left again, saying he really didn't want to come back and answer the many questions he'd be asked in the torture chamber.

He loved his brother.

It was cute.

Disgustingly so.

I had once viewed Sasuke like that…like a brother I mean.

And the fact that he'd let me know I was nothing to him when we'd fought all those times, well, it was enough to let the words finally sink in.

And I let him be.

After defending his actions for him, the bastard never even thanked me.

He just went back to being the misunderstood emo who girls loved and guys envied.

And now, when I should have been closest to him, I felt I'd been shoved even father away.

We would never be alike, no matter how many things I told myself we had in common.

Just like when we were younger, nothing had changed.

Sasuke was always out of my reach…and as he'd wanted to stay there, I let him be.

I'd kept my promise and brought his stupid ass back.

My part of the deal was done.

I hadn't noticed I'd been glaring at him until he scowled at me.

Ah, screw him.

I was too busy worrying about real problems to think about why the fool was being a sour puss today.

Sasuke could be _such _a bastard sometimes.

It occurred to me that there were many, _many_ reasons him going off for revenge was completely asinine (and not just because he was an _ass_).

As far as I could tell, his clan wasn't all dead.

Itachi, Madara and Sasuke were all alive so really, it wasn't all up to him to populate the earth with Uchiha babies. Besides, there must have been some Uchihas who'd traveled the world and stayed in different places, settling their little Uchiha asses in other countries.

And if his revenge thing was to get minions (or children, whatever) who could wield the sharingan, that was pointless too. Kakashi has the sharingan so the damn thing isn't as 'clan-ny' as everyone thinks it is.

All Sasuke has to do is dig up dead Uchihas or something and somehow _un_-rot their eyes and plunge them into people who are _alive_ and _tada_: new Uchihas, new clan.

Okay, so maybe it might not be as simple as that but hell, like Hinata said, we do some pretty badass stuff and if a paedophile can come up with something to bring back dead people, surely a licensed, sane physician can do the same with dead eyes…

But no… the guy had to go all "I'm the Avenger, fear me" and try kill Itachi who was completely innocent- okay, so he killed their whole family but from what I've been told, the Uchihas were stuck up, paranoid bastards so really, I'm not complaining.

I feel bad for Sasuke though.

That must've been hard.

Losing family like that…

But then again, that's why I don't want to lose Kyuubi.

Pathetic as it sounds, Kyuubi _is_ my family.

Everyone else is great, really but Kyuubi's always been there- not matter how grudgingly, never mind that he couldn't exactly help it what with being sealed and all but…

I sighed loudly.

I'm being unfair.

I've made friends in Konoha, no doubt.. And I've made friends abroad sure. People who are just like family.

Funny though, when I think about it, I've made mostly famous and powerful friends. Kind of weird but there you go.

My awesomeness just _cannot _be resisted.

Groaning at the rambling in my head, I realized that Kit must still be somewhat active.

Damn it, screwing with my suave and cool personality.

I remember making some silly poem with Hinata, a sort of parody to 'The road not Taken' and the end fit in nicely with everything that had happened and everyone who'd acknowledged me (dead or otherwise):

_Two roads diverged in a wood and I,_

_I set the forest on fire,_

_And that has made all the difference._

I must admit, I don't think I was a good influence on Hinata. Apart from me actually resorting to hitting her to get to quit stuttering I also threatened to leave her butt naked in a busy Konoha street if she ever fainted while talking to me.

That worked like a charm.

As far as I know, she hasn't fainted since.

"Naruto?"

I looked up into pale silver eyes and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Are you okay?"

Just dealing with how great I am…so yeah.

"Of course."

She nodded and turned back to Kyuubi.

I wondered if the fox was enjoying being free.

It wasn't like anyone had even suggested that Kyuubi might not want to die… and he hadn't protested either. I wondered why that was.

Was the fool going to try escape with my body?

No doubt.

But where would he go?

If he went to sand, Gaara would be alerted and in the event that Kyuubi did escape and go somewhere else, Tsunade would be forced to label _me _a missing nin and my body would be returned, headless.

But still…watching the fox now, it almost seemed like he was resigned to his fate. Like he knew he'd be killed and didn't mind…

I hated that kind of bullshit defeated attitude.

You'd think the bastard would learn a thing or two from living in me all those years.

Did I not shout 'believe it!' enough times?

Gosh, he's thick.

We spent the rest of the day in the hospital, with Tsunade punching whoever tried to sneak in to see me (Kiba's body is responsible for three holes in the wall) most of the time.

Except for everyone who had been informed, Tsunade told us that no one else was to find out about the situation.

I was carried out of the hospital by Sasuke who was stroking behind my ears absentmindedly, trying to make it seem like I was just a mindless pet.

With all the purring I was doing- for the sake of our cover you understand- we left without incident.

Kyuubi walked out with Sakura holding onto the crook of his arm, chatting and laughing like a good friend.

Kiba had _finally_ managed to see me- Kyuubi- and had mentioned a conspiracy about people not wanting to let him through.

The rest of the rookie nine, including Lee who kept winking at us like we were in some secret club, brought presents to Sasuke's house and all asked why Kyuubi wasn't staying at his apartment.

The answer was something to do with pests, renovations and the landlady getting laid pretty loudly- all depending on who answered really (Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi, in that order).

Kyuubi made a pretty good me.

The me I had become now anyway.

I was still the life of the party but I'd somehow become more subdued than before.

And he managed to portray that perfectly.

I guess it helped that Tsunade had said that if he tried to mess anything up, she'd squeeze his balls hard enough to make him pass out in pain but not hard enough that they were accidentally ripped off when he tried to get away.

When everyone was finally gone, Tsunade told us she was going to put the barrier back up and that yes, we were _still_ under house arrest.

I tried to recall what I could about chakra-sensitive barriers and all I could remember was that they were always set to just two specific shapes; the exact shape of the house or a cube…depending on the person setting the barrier up and the house itself.

Yeah… that information seemed absolutely useless to me.

Kyuubi grumbled about sleep and went upstairs to bed.

Sasuke stayed down, watching TV.

I sat by him on the couch, unable to sleep.

We'd sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes when Sasuke spoke.

"It's weird."

I looked up at him in question.

Him talking voluntarily was weird.

"You being Naruto…and not Kit."

I sniffed. "Yeah well…I guess."

His eyes stayed on the glaring screen and without thinking, I climbed into his lap.

He stared down at me in surprise.

"What the hell are y-"

"Would you prefer if I were a mindless fox aga-"

"No!" He shouted and then blushed.

I chuckled. "Good."

I turned round and round in his lap till I got comfortable and curled up there.

"You do realize that I should kill you for this…?" he asked, placing a hand on my neck.

I shrugged. "But I don't think you will…"

He snorted softly but his hand started to stroke my fur.

I was starting to fall asleep when something nagging at the back of my mind suddenly sprang forth.

"What shape is your house?"

Sasuke seemed surprised and paused before he rolled his eyes (yes, even with my eyes closed, I could tell he'd rolled his eyes).

"It's kind of rectangular," he offered.

I nodded, moving slightly to encourage his hands to keep going.

He did.

I was now only just fighting sleep.

"We never used to hang out like this…"

"Yeah," Sasuke agreed.

"I wish we would…"

"Me too."

"I miss being with you…"

Sasuke's hand stopped completely in my fur.

I was too far gone to try understand what I was saying.

He cleared his throat and continued to stroke my fur.

I barely heard the last words he said before I succumbed to exhaustion.

"I miss it too."

**(I am a hyper page break. LOOK, A BRICK WALL!)**

Kyuubi looked at the scene in front of him and snorted.

Sasuke looked up but didn't move or stop running his fingers through the fox's coat.

"Is something the matter?"

Sasuke's eyes were seeming disinterested with why Kyuubi wasn't asleep yet or indeed why he'd been spying on them.

Kyuubi walked toward the couch and sat at the opposite end.

"I couldn't sleep," he said.

Sasuke shrugged. "There are sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet."

The blond yawned. "Nah, it's cool. I'll just stay here with you."

Sasuke didn't answer.

"What are you watching?"

"A movie."

"No shit." Kyuubi said dryly.

Sasuke just smirked.

"Gosh, you really _are_ a bastard. Small wonder the kid can't stand you."

The brunet bristled at that but maintained his silence.

"But, you know," Kyuubi said in a conspiratorial whisper. "He never _could _shut up about you."

Silence.

"Don't screw up."

Sasuke looked at Kyuubi.

"So…what, you and Naruto are best friends now?"

Kyuubi shrugged. "Well, I _am _a free-loading demon. Those tend to grow on you."

The Uchiha snorted and returned to his movie.

They sat there in companionable silence, looking for all the world like an unorthodox family.

**(I am an amazing page break. Love me)**

My claws dug into the pillow, determined to stay by its side no matter what.

It was suddenly lifted and I fell to the floor.

I blinked momentarily before me eyes focused on Sasuke.

"You **sonofabitch**…"

He smirked at me, ignoring my killing intent. "Get your lazy ass up."

"In case you hadn't noticed, it's up."

"Already onto morning sex talk, huh?"

We turned to the door and both shot Kyuubi murderous glares.

He seemed unaffected and yawned.

"Where to, Sasuke?"  
It was then that I noticed Sasuke was in his Anbu uniform and was carrying that stupid looking mask of his.

"Mission."

"No duh. I asked where."

"Classified. I might be gone a few days, though."

"Screw that!" I yelled, panicking. "You can't just _leave_ us!"

He raised an elegant eyebrow at that and I was tempted to pull it off and see if he could manage to look elegant without it.

Probably could.

_Freakin prettyboy…_

"We can't cook! What will we _eat_? You have no ramen!" I shouted.

"Lee will bring you food."

"NOOOOOOO!"  
"Don't you think you're overreacting?" he sighed, looking down at me.

I was pasted to his leg, claws digging into the material of his uniform as I howled my discontent.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag, walking downstairs with me clinging to his leg.

As undignified as it is, I'm fully prepared to act like I'm Kit if it'll just get me ramen for the rest of the week.

Kyuubi wasn't helping at all.

The fool knew he couldn't cook, being a demon fox and all, but did he help with my protest to preserve our lives with ramen? No. Stupid _bastard_.

"We have a lead on a group of ninja who may have been involved in this."

"This?" Kyuubi asked.

Sasuke looked from him to me and then said, "Yeah. _This_."

The demon nodded. "Okay, and?"

"I'm heading out to capture them with Hinata and Sakura."

"Nice threesome."

"Up yours."

"So… who'll be guarding us?" Kyuubi asked.

"An Anbu team. Don't try anything funny."

With that, the bastard kicked his leg violently and threw me toward Kyuubi who just stepped out of the way and let me crash head first into the wall.

I swear I'm surrounded by assholes.

The second Sasuke shut the door behind him, Kyuubi turned to me with a creepy smile.

"We're all alone now, Naruto…"

I backed away, not liking the sound of that.

Why the hell didn't anyone think that Kyuubi would kill me if we were left alone?  
SHIT!

I ran passed him, dashing up the stairs while he chased.

Ten minutes and I couldn't get away far enough.

If I could just get to a room and lock myself in before he could get in, maybe I'd survive till-

"GOTCHA!"

NO!  
I fought for my life, trying to bite and kick, determined to not go down without a fight and-

"Bath time!"

-take him with me to the netherworld and…

Wait…

What?

Kyuubi chuckled darkly. "That's right Naruto. Bath time."

I stared at him.

"Slow down there, you _pervert_," I glowered. "We can't bathe together!"

"Silly Naruto," he grinned. "Whoever said _I_ was taking a bath, too?"

Memories of how _horrible_ water felt when I was Kit drifted to the surface and I panicked, fighting now more for my dirt than I had for my life.

"No, no… Kyuubi…no…"

He lifted me into the bathroom and kept a wrestler's grip on me while the bath filled with water.

And not warm water either.

Ice, cold water.

I _swear _I could see an iceberg in there!

"KYUUBI NO!"

But the sadistic demon simply raised me over the tub and let go, smiling as I plopped into the water.

Oh, it was _**ON**__._

Kyuubi was _dead_!  
I was soaked and gasping and my balls had internally _combusted _and dammit, I was _choking_-  
We both froze.  
"Do you smell that?" Kyuubi asked, turning toward the door.  
I nodded absently, dread filling in the pit of my stomach.

Smoke.

I scrambled out of the bath and followed him as he rushed down the stairs.

"Oh-"

"-Shit."

The couch, the ceiling, the carpet…_everything _was ablaze.

The house was on fire.

We'd _just _left the place flame-free and now…

"How the _hell_-"  
Before I could finish, Kyuubi grabbed me and ran for the front door. Throwing it open, he rushed out and-  
Pain rolled through my body in waves as were thrown back.  
"THAT HURT, DAMMIT!"  
I looked at Kyuubi who was on the ground beside me, his face showing the same pain I felt.  
"House arrest...bloody barrier," he muttered.

He struggled to get up as he coughed, looking around frantically before he came to the same conclusion as me.  
We were going to be burned alive...if the smoke didn't kill us first.

Looking at the stairs we'd just used, we saw them crumble in a burst of flame and watched in amazement as the top floor was somehow burning as well.

The whole house had somehow caught fire and-  
Wait...

The house…the _house!_

I thought frantically.

The house is rectangular shaped and if Tsunade was in a drunken hurry, as she obviously was last night, the barrier was probably-  
I pulled on Kyuubi's sleeve. "Follow me!"  
Not even waiting to ask, he followed me into the kitchen. As I headed for the door there that led to the outside, he scowled. "The barrier!"  
"Open the door!"  
He did- breaking through the door with a chair probably out of desperation and watched as I dashed through the splintered piece of wood and didn't get thrown back.

Thank goodness for sake!  
Kyuubi followed and I motioned for him to stay as far as he could from the walls and crawl.  
"What did y-"  
"The barrier here should be about three feet away."  
Tsunade's rush ensured that the barrier was closest to the house at the front entrance and farthest at the house's sides…

The cubical barrier was easiest to perform, especially by a drunken leader.  
Kyuubi swore under his breath and followed me till I reached what I figured was the corner or the barrier, the farthest we could probably get from the house.

I lay down and instructed him to do the same.  
"Lie down here and don't move."  
We edged as far from the burning house as we guessed we could and stayed low.  
Kyuubi coughed.

The smoke terribly heavy, enough to settle down over our bodies as we lay there..

I wrapped three of my tails- which were still pretty wet from my 'bath'- over his nose and mouth and did the same to myself with my fourth tail.  
It wasn't much but...  
Beside me, Kyuubi stopped moving. For a second, I panicked until I felt his breath over my tails. Good, he's just passed out...not dead. Yet.

I looked up and my eyes widened at what I saw.

The smoke from the house was disappearing when it reached a certain distance as it rose.

Almost like something had been set up to hide it…and keep anyone from helping.

The Uchiha manor was at the edge of the village and chances were, with no smoke to warn anyone, no one would see…

I looked down and my eyes zoned in on two bodies on the ground a short distance away.

Anbu.

It was almost as if someone was trying to kill us, I thought giddily, somewhat flattered at the effort they'd put in.  
As my mind turned fuzzy, I wondered if Sasuke would find our bodies out here.

**x-x**

**A/N: Hey, hope that was okay.**

**REVIEW REPLY**

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**x-x**

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**The bills for this work-out are in the mail. Thankyou.**


	10. An Unlikely Occurence

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

**x-x**

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**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

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**A/N: I am getting married to Lelouch Lamperouge when I grow up and become an anime character. I shall call him Lumpy and he shall be my Lumpy… and he will live forever cause he's hot.**

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**Summary: **Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human… He's found by Sasuke who decided to take him in. In the meantime, everyone's looking for the human Naruto… SasuNaru

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**Previously: **_Beside me, Kyuubi stopped moving. For a second, I panicked until I felt his breath over my tails. Good, he's just passed out...not dead. Yet. _

_I looked up and my eyes widened at what I saw._

_The smoke from the house was disappearing when it reached a certain distance as it rose._

_Almost like something had been set up to hide it…and keep anyone from helping._

_The Uchiha manor was at the edge of the village and chances were, with no smoke to warn anyone, no one would see…_

_I looked down and my eyes zoned in on two bodies on the ground a short distance away._

_Anbu._

_It was almost as if someone was trying to kill us, I thought giddily, somewhat flattered at the effort they'd put in.  
As my mind turned fuzzy, I wondered if Sasuke would find our bodies out here.___

x-x

**Chapter 10: Unexpected occurrences**

x-x

Sasuke was not pleased.

Because of _someone_- here, he glared at Sakura- who insisted they not kill the shinobi they'd just captured, they had taken a whole _four hours_ to get back.

It had taken them less than three hours to get to the ninjas and almost three minutes to capture them- and it would have taken only a second to kill them if Sakura hadn't gone off on a very Naruto-like speech about why they shouldn't kill them and should instead, take them back for what information they had.

That _was_ they mission after all, she had to remind him.

Sasuke leaped off the branch with the two ninjas in his arms. They were unconscious and he'd hit them against tree branches every chance he got, just to make sure they were _really_ unconscious.

There was even once he'd 'accidentally' dropped them from a pretty high tree but Sakura had rescued them from being splattered and shot him an impatient look before giving him back his load.

He sighed.

Knocking them about wasn't fun if they weren't conscious anyway.

They had gone as a two-man team after Hinata had mentioned Lee being abruptly sent on a solo mission.

She'd offered to take the two free-loading idiots in his home some food and that had been fine with him.

They hadn't needed a third person to capture the two ninjas anyway. There'd have been no one for Hinata to beat up and that really wouldn't have been fair.

Looking down at the shinobi in disgust and fighting down the urge to just kill them, Sasuke remembered how they had fought him and Sakura off- and how they had tried to kill themselves when they saw that they were losing.

It was a basic Anbu tactic- one instilled in them to ensure no information was gotten from them.

Dead men tell no tales after all.

Sasuke was almost glad he'd listened to Sakura.

When he got back to Konoha, he'd be sure to sit in the torture room with Ibiki and take over the old guy's job till Ibiki got bored with watching.

They were good friends after all, him and Ibiki.

The big, scarred man just loved Sasuke's bloodlust…almost to the point where they didn't even torture people for information- especially the mist country spies. Those were tortured simply for fun. Really, it was no secret that Konoha and the Mist weren't exactly best buds.

As soon as they got to the gates, however, Sasuke was informed that Ibiki was on a break at the moment and would not be doing any torture till at least three in the afternoon.

Sasuke dumped the prisoners with Sakura and the guards and rushed home to make sure the fools hadn't burned down his home or something.

Imagine his surprise- and anger- when he stared at the ashes that had previously been his home.

Oh, he was going to _kill_ those two.

Looking around, Sasuke paused.

Something wasn't right.

Taking in his surroundings, Sasuke swore and Body Flickered to the Hokage tower.

"Hokage!"

Tsunade was about to throw the desk at him when she noticed who he was and paused.

"Uchiha."

"Where are Naruto and Kyuubi?"  
"Calm down, I-"

"My house burned down! There's fading chakra signatures all over the place and-"

"I need you to sit down and-"

"There's blood on the ground! A lot of it and-"

"Uchiha!"

"-just tell me they're okay! I need to-"  
"SIT THE FUCK DOWN!"

Sasuke stared at Tsunade, taking in her haggard appearance before sitting down.

"Naruto and Kyuubi are alright. I just treated them."

"Treated them?" he shot back up. "What happened? Are they alright? Do you-"

A mug whizzed by the Uchiha's head, shattering against the wall and spraying it with glass and coffee. and Sasuke abruptly shut up.

"I'll let Hinata explain what happened," Tsunade said calmly, like she hadn't just tried to behead him with a cup of coffee.

Sasuke blinked, his insides freezing with dread.

"Sasuke?"

He turned his head and frowned.

Okay, he was _really _out of it.

Hinata had been in the room the whole time and he hadn't _noticed _her?

Her Anbu uniform was covered in blood and she had a small streak of red on her cheek.

Someone somewhere was on the river Styx thanks to her.  
When Sasuke's eyes focused, Hinata started to talk.

**(I am a flashback page break. Cue the time machine noises!)**

Hinata hoped Naruto and Kyuubi wouldn't be too fussy about food. She'd brought a lot of fish and vegetables and she'd be damned if anyone refused to eat what she cooked.

Hell, even if they did, she'd gladly shove the food down there throats and point and laugh while they choked.

Yeah…Naruto had definitely been a bad influence on her.

Reaching the Uchiha compound, she frowned.

Something wasn't right.

The Anbu team should have stopped her from getting to the gate.

Hinata took a step back and activated her Byakugan.

"Oh _shit_."

A large cloud of smoke was rising from Sasuke's house that she hadn't been able to see a second earlier. The smoke seemed to vanish before it got too high.

Someone had placed a genjutsu over the whole Uchiha compound.

Dropping the bags, Hinata ran toward the house and spotted the two Anbu on the ground. Seeing the amount of blood covering them, Hinata quickly dismissed any ideas of saving them, instead turning her attention to the blazing inferno that was the Uchiha household.

Even from where she was standing, the heat was scorching and she could vaguely hear herself swearing loudly as she scanned the building for her friends.

Almost crying out in frustration, she turned away from the house for a second and spotted them.

Two bodies, high chakra levels, vitals quickly diminishing…

Hinata moved faster than she had in her whole life but found herself thrown back before she could reach them.

Someone had set up a barrier.

She couldn't get to them.

Concentrating hard, Hinata could barely make out the chakra fueled dark red barrier.

"Hinata!"

Hinata didn't bother turning when she heard the voice.

She ran toward the barrier and when the energy rushed through her, pushing her back, she dug her feet in and shoved her own chakra out through her hands, pressing them against the barrier in an effort to get it to yield.

The person who'd been calling for her didn't question what she was doing, coming instead to copy her movements and press hard against the barrier.

It was beginning to burn.

Hinata's eyes started to water and she shut them, determined not to watch her friends die while she stood just a few feet away.

Hearing a sharp crack, Hinata's eyes sprang open and saw the barrier had weakened. There was a large crack in it where they'd been destabilizing it from what she could see.

She turned to her cousin and he nodded.

Stepping away from each other, they both began to hit the barrier in a variation of the 64 -point strike, weakening it further.

_Just a few more hits…_

The barrier shattered and without hesitating, Hinata ran toward the two bodies on the ground. They were both unconscious.

Neji knelt by her and Hinata turned to him.

"Get them to Tsunade."

He was faster than her. It made sense for him to do it.

Neji picked both the fox and the boy up, his eyes widening briefly as he noticed their chakra. Deciding to question his cousin later, he turned and-

"We can't allow you to do that."

Three masked ninjas in masks stood before them.

Bird, snake and dog…

Anbu.

Hinata stood by Neji, both of them glaring at the three Anbu who were blocking their way.

She looked at the two bodies on the ground and felt her anger flare when she realized that these three were probably responsible for the deaths of the others.

"The demon has to die."

Hinata bristled but shoved Neji. "I'll take care of these guys. Go."

Neji opened his mouth to protest but at her furious glare, nodded and disappeared.

Hinata drew a dagger from either pouch on her hip.

The Anbu laughed and when one made a move to follow Neji, he choked out, coughing up blood as his body fell to the ground.

Hinata calmly tore her dagger from Dog's throat and glared at the other two.

Snake grunted angrily.

They hadn't seen her move.

Hinata widened her legs, lowering her stance.

There was hell to pay.

These were Anbu. These were her supposed to be her comrades…

And yet, here they were, trying to kill Naruto.

They sprung toward her and Hinata started to move, counting the strikes in her mind as she hit each one of their chakra points -with a dagger in each hand- cutting them. She ignored their cries as she moved, a blur to them, slicing at their bodies and pausing -stepping away for a second- just so she could start all over again.

She didn't mind the blood that splashed onto her clothing or her face, or that they were already bleeding profusely from each cut she'd administered to each vein.

All that mattered was that she was out for blood- and she was getting it.

**(I am an old page break. I like prunes)**

When Hinata was done with the report, Sasuke stood.

"Where are they?"

Tsunade sighed and got to her feet.

"I couldn't have them staying at the hospital when we don't know who could sneak in so they'll be living here."

Sasuke blinked. "_Here_?"

Tsunade scowled at how he looked at her.

"Yes, here. Where do you think _I _live?"

"In a bar somewhere," he answered absently.

Resisting the urge to kill him, Tsunade walked toward the books case and pulled back a book , "Green ham and eggs".

The bookcase shifted back and Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that.

"Follow me."

Sasuke and Hinata followed the Hokage through a short hallway.

The bookcase shut behind them and they came into a brightly lit room.

There were four large beds.

In one lay a red-gold fox attached to beeping machines and sensors and in the other lay a blond who was staring at the fox.

"Kyuubi?"

Kyuubi turned, looking at them.

Tsunade twitched angrily when she noticed that Kyuubi had pulled out his IV.

She was tempted to beat it back into his arm but she quelled the urge.

"What time did you wake up?" Tsunade asked, her voice level.

Kyuubi shrugged. "Maybe twenty minutes ago. The Hyuuga boy left a short while ago. He said he'd be back."

Tsunade nodded, "What happened?"

Kyuubi sighed and explained everything he could about the fire and his voice remained steady all the way up to the part where Naruto had wrapped his wet tails around Kyuubi's mouth and nose and one around his own.

Tsunade nodded. "I see. That probably saved both your lives."

Kyuubi stared at Naruto and looked back at Tsunade, trying to hide his concern. "When is he going to wake up? We haven't eaten."

Tsunade shook her head. "You hardly had any in yours but a lot of smoke made its way into his lungs, even if he did try to filter it with his tail. It wasn't enough."

Sasuke's nails dug into his fist as he watched the fox, unmoving.

"But," Kyuubi cleared his throat. "The little bastard will be alright, won't he?"

Tsunade patted the blond head and he made no move to stop her. "Don't worry brat. He's a tough little bugger. You should know that."

Kyuubi nodded and turned back to watching Naruto.

Sasuke sat on the bed next to Kyuubi and they both took up the art of watching the fox. Hinata stood back, fighting back tears and reminding herself that a shinobi did not cry.

"Hinata?" Sasuke started.

Hinata raised an eyebrow at him and noticed the stoic boy was staring fixedly at the ground.

"Thankyou."

Hinata hummed in answer, turning away.

Tsunade smiled sadly and went back into her office, pressing a button to move the bookcase back.

There was a sharp knock on the door and Sakura came in.

"The mission was successful. The prisoners are in Ibiki's care."

Ibiki's care…the irony.

The Hokage nodded as Sakura handed her the report.

Sakura eyed the Hokage, knowing something was troubling her.

"Tsunade?"

Tsunade looked up and sighed before taking Sakura into her room as well.

**(I am a Sasuke page break. I could stick a chidori up your ass)**

It had been quiet for awhile in the Hokage's private chambers before Sakura turned to Hinata.

"What did they want?"

Hinata shifted uncomfortably on her feet, knowing Sakura was referring to the Anbu who's tried to kill Naruto.

"I don't know," Hinata mumbled.

"What?" Sakura looked confused. "Why not?"

"I killed them," Hinata said steadily, letting it be known that if she had a chance to do it all over again, she'd just find a more brutal way to do it. "I didn't ask questions but if it helps, they said the demon should die."

Sakura frowned at that and turned back to the fox.

Kyuubi had fallen asleep a while back (suspiciously, after drinking juice Tsunade handed him) and the Sasuke, Hinata and Sakura were the only other people there.

Tsunade had taken on the role of explaining the situation to the concerned friends and shinobi, not letting them know, however, where Naruto was being kept.

Hours earlier, Ibiki had been aided by Sakura and Hinata, eagerly letting them threaten, torment and mistreat the two prisoners they'd captured.

He'd had to step in when, for one of them, Hinata was about to carry out a threat to rip out their guts and make pretty pictures with their colon.

They weren't giving any information and Ibiki had killed them slowly, just in case they changed their minds. They didn't.

Tsunade was dealing with the fact that there were people against her in Anbu…and that they were after Naruto's head.

She frowned. It wasn't that she hadn't known, it was just upsetting to have it confirmed.

Sai had been called to her office.

She'd been using the boy to spy on Danzou and even though she sometimes doubted his loyalty to her, there was no one in all the fire nation who could doubt his loyalty to Naruto.

Sai explained that he hadn't known about the assassination attempt in time but that as soon as he'd found out, he'd waited till an appropriate time and sent Neji to the Uchiha's compound, vaguely explaining his need to save the blond.

Tsunade had wanted to strangle the emotionless boy, wanting to let him know that because of his delay, Naruto had almost died…but then again, because he'd taken initiative, Naruto had been saved _and_ he'd maintained his cover as a spy under Root.

Tsunade had thanked him for his good work, assured him the blond was alive and well and dismissed him.

She had no proof with which she could accuse Danzou.

There was no proof that Root existed and in the event that she used the Anbu under his charge as witnesses (no matter how unwilling), he could easily say they were lying.

That sonofabitch covered his tracks way too easily.

If she used Sai, she'd dimply endanger the boy's life and he'd end up dead before they could make any progress. She couldn't even just ask him where they met cause it would be obvious who'd told her and once again (in that scenario)- Sai would end up dead.

She wondered if he was willing to die for the greater good.

Who'd miss him?

Shaking her head, she sighed.

She was beginning to think like Danzou…but then again, she smiled, maybe that was exactly what she needed to be doing.

**(I am a Shinji page break. I LOVE YOU DAD!)**

As per Tsunade's orders when she'd thrown him out her window, Sasuke went home to take a bath and came back to the Hokage tower.

He was still wearing his Anbu uniform and couldn't help glaring at Anbu whenever they nodded at him in greeting. He wanted to kill them all, believing that Naruto would be safe if he got rid of all of them.

It would be easy. A red eye over here, a stab over there and poof, the world's a safer place for Naruto.

Why were there always people out to get him?

Okay, _sure_, he housed the Kyuubi and sure, he now wielded a lot of power what with being a sage and all and _sure_, his name was in the bingo book with a hefty sum for his head but Sasuke saw _no reason _for them to keep trying to murder the cheerful boy.

It was like trying to kill Santa. It didn't make sense. Granted, it didn't make sense because Santa was real but that was besides the point.

Naruto was nothing but joy and rainbows, and loud, _loud_ speeches about friendship and family…

No, that wasn't Naruto.

That was who he used to be.

It was no wonder the boy had finally dropped the high on life attitude he'd had. When the whole world was out to get you, it only made sense that you at least got a bit less cheerful.

And a bit more paranoid.

Being honest with himself, Sasuke knew that if _he_ were in Naruto's shoes, he'd have burned down half the village by now and would have probably murdered anything that dared move in his presence, just in case it was an enemy.

How the boy managed to walk out in public all the time was a mystery to him.

If he really thought about it, Naruto's life had been way harder than his.

At least he'd had people taking care of him, making sure he was okay and dishing out lots of sympathy but Naruto hadn't had that. The boy had won the village's approval with constant threats to his life, saving their asses constantly while never getting a word of thanks. Even now, some villagers still hated the boy simply because they saw him as nothing more than the Kyuubi but Sasuke knew that was retarded.

For Naruto, he'd gladly kill them and make it look like an accident.

_What? The cause of death was a chidori to the heart? Wow, Kakashi must have been mad, huh?_

Yeah, that would work out pretty well.

Maybe alittle jail time was just what Kakashi needed.

It would give the pervert more time to read his porn and-

An explosion interrupted the boy's thoughts and he looked up.

Sasuke's heart stopped for a full second before he took in the scene.

There was a huge gap in the Hokage tower- right at Tsunade's office.

He didn't know how fast he moved, or how his body moved at all. He didn't wonder who the hell was trying to attack them in broad daylight. He didn't have time to pay attention to how people were screaming and running away.

All he took in was that he had Body Flickered into the Hokage's office and apprehension washed over him at what he saw.

The office was a shower of small fires and burned paper and the bookcase had been blown from the wall.

Tsunade was tied up and bleeding, a huge gash over her eye.

Hinata was unconscious on the ground next to him and there was a man in an Anbu uniform, holding Naruto and Kyuubi over his shoulder.

The man took off his chipmunk mask and smiled eerily at the Uchiha.

_Sai._

As Sasuke moved to rip the boy limb from limb, the boy gave a triumphant smirk before he pressed his palm flat on the ground.

There was a bright flash and the next instant, the room was empty.

Naruto and Kyuubi were gone.

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**A/N: *Sigh***

**I know the chapter sucked.**

**No humour, no wit… I'M A FAILURE AS A WRITER!**

**I guess you guys hate this fic now anyway but its cool, cause I think I'm starting to hate it, too.**

**But, worry not cause it will all be over soon and you can continue not reviewing…**

**x-x**

**REVIEW REPLY**

**To those who reviewed, thanks. You made me happy and even though I'm naturally sulky at this time of year, you really helped XD**

**x-x**

**Serenityofthematrix: **Thankyou *bows* You could kinda hear dramatic music playing at the end of that chapter huh?

**7thtreasure: **Thankyou so, so, so, so, so, soooooooooooooo much!

**Juura99: **Yeah, I'd be pissed too :3 Poor Sasuke's house *moment of silence for Sasuke's house* Please note that the above chapter was lacking in madness, insanity, randomness, page breaks (okay, not page breaks), humour, wittiness and perverseness….AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

**Bluedrop12: **refer to thankyou card in mail.

Yeah, you kinda scared me what with being serious and all that and I was like "Hey, it's doctor Phil- except he isn't being mean" so then I thought you might be Oprah but I read it through and you told me. Sorry for they typos. keeps screwing up my chapters when I upload them, even though I do the whole "edit/preview" thing and it LIES that its alright till I update a chapter and- BAM!- butchered chapter. Sorry.

**Blensh-lq: **I like rhyming. I have a pie-ding. (don't look at me like that! It rhymed!)

**Sweven: **NOOOOO! Unfinished fic? Where? Lol, if you want, I could end it here *chuckles* it would be finished then right?

**Greywindfalcon: **I have cliffhangers? Me? Pfftt. I'd never do something like that. *ignores you pointing at above chapter* who wants cookies?

**XxSnowxxAngelxx: **Option four was blown up…sorry :( I didn't leave it! Look, I updated!

**Just Miki: **Did you get my PM? I've been trying over and over to send it… Pointers on humour or pointer son one-liners? Cause I suck at either one but its your choice? LOL, nah, I explained the rest in the PM :3

**Lizzy: **Great! Thanks XD

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **I wrote it up really fast so you forgive me don't you? Patience dear choccy, patience… seeing you penname made me remember I have ice-cream in the freezer…and I have a toothache (Pfftt. like _that_'ll stop me.)

**Kilei: **I love Hinata… as you can probably tell from my fics (I always try make her badass…cause to me, she is)…

**Vitty Rose: **Hiya! You broke the button! No…wait! Get back here!

**Narutofweak: **legalized in…my mind? Akatsuki? *evil smirk* hmm… I wonder if they're involved at all… But no, Anbu can defeat Anbu. And besides, Hinata and Sasuke are Anbu and at completely different levels so it stands to reason that there would be some weaklings in Anbu.

**Dragonfire2lm:** I had hoped it would be, hehe, thanks :D

**DEMONIC BLACKMAGIC: **Nope, he's not dead…yet…dun dun duuuuuun…

**Zephairy: **I love random Naruto. He helps me sleep at night. I don't think you could be stuck with a pest like that all your life and not grow to love him…wait…never mind.

**Nanami La' Ame: **Sometimes I wish _I _was a fox… *sigh*

**Narutolover6661: **They ARE working! I'm not trying to _kill_ you…I'm just…trying to…LOOK, A CLOUD!

**MangekyouMan: **Aww…I'm glad my fics make you look like a crazy person (maybe I _am_ doing something right…) You're welcome XD I like creepy people. They are like creepy plants. And I like plants.

**Narue-Nara-chan: **smutty action will be soon…in oh, about two or three chapters? I think?

**Kage kitsune no yami: **YAY! SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY APPRECIATED MY CLIFFHANGER! Oh look, you were right. *evil grin*

**x-x**

**For a free manual on how to make children cry, press 1**

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**For a manual on world domination for only $5.99, press 3.**

**x-x**

**For "Why aren't the above buttons working?", click the review button below and leave a message. A support team of fluffy bunny assassins will get back to you as soon as they can.**


	11. An Unlikely Rescue

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

**x-x**

**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

**x-x**

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**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

x-x

**Summary: **Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human… He's found by Sasuke who decided to take him in. In the meantime, everyone's looking for the human Naruto… SasuNaru

x-x

_**Previously: **__**An explosion interrupted the boy's thoughts and he looked up.**_

_**Sasuke's heart stopped for a full second before he took in the scene.**_

_**There was a huge gap in the Hokage tower- right at Tsunade's office.**_

_**He didn't know how fast he moved, or how his body moved at all. He didn't wonder who the hell was trying to attack them in broad daylight. He didn't have time to pay attention to how people were screaming and running away.**_

_**All he took in was that he had Body Flickered into the Hokage's office and apprehension washed over him at what he saw.**_

_**The office was a shower of small fires and burned paper and the bookcase had been blown from the wall.**_

_**Tsunade was tied up and bleeding, a huge gash over her eye.**_

_**Hinata was unconscious on the ground next to him and there was a man in an Anbu uniform, holding Naruto and Kyuubi over his shoulder.**_

_**The man took off his chipmunk mask and smiled eerily at the Uchiha.**_

_**Sai.**_

_**As Sasuke moved to rip the boy limb from limb, the boy gave a triumphant smirk before he pressed his palm flat on the ground.**_

_**There was a bright flash and the next instant, the room was empty.**_

_**Naruto and Kyuubi were gone.**_

x-x

_If I should fail to save you,_

_It's not for lack of trying…_

_If I'm unable to reach you,_

_Then know I'm slowly dying…_

_I can't walk away_

_And I'm tired of denying_

_These empty useless words_

_And my heart's constant lying…_

_** -Rizember, 2010**_

x-x

**Chapter 11: Of mice and men**

x-x

Sasuke continued to stare at the space before him where Naruto and Kyuubi had just vanished.

Even when twelve Anbu surrounded him, he remained still.

Naruto and Kyuubi…_gone_.

That emotionally-stunted, dick-obsessed _bastard _had betrayed them.

Before an Anbu could touch him, Sasuke grabbed his hand.

Looking up at the others, sharingan swirling with unrestrained fury, he said, "I suggest you refrain from touching me if you don't want to die."

"Uchiha Sasuke, you are under arrest for treason," one said, moving forward while the others attended to the rest in the room.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Stand down."

Sasuke almost thought that had been directed at him until he heard a groan and shuffle behind him.

Hinata was standing, shooting an exasperated glare at and Anbu member who was trying to help her stand.

"I said I'm fine, dammit!" she insisted angrily.

The man sighed and stepped back.

Behind him, Sasuke noticed Tsunade was standing as well and had been the one to give the order to stand down, apparently to the Anbu members.

"He's not responsible for this," she said, rubbing at her forehead and healing the cut there. The ropes that bound her hands were easily broken when she merely shrugged them off.

Sasuke stared at them.

His sharingan was still active.

He'd watched while that guy just took Naruto away.

How the hell was he supposed to find them when they'd been spirited away- or body flickered, as it were- leaving no chakra signatures to follow?

He growled and punched the closest thing to him- which just happened to be an unfortunate Anbu, who was then responsible for yet another hole in the wall.

"Hokage, are you alright?" Another asked Tsunade, ignoring her groaning colleague in the wall.

Tsunade huffed. "Of course I am."

"We apologize for this," she continued, bowing before Tsunade.

Tsunade shook her head. "No, that's Sasuke's job. Let _him_ apologize."

Sasuke eyed Tsunade like she was insane, "Excuse me?"

"_You're_ the Anbu captain. _You're_ responsible for the village's security."

The brunet scowled.

"Please excuse us," Tsunade said to the other Anbu.

Reluctantly, they bowed and left.

Sasuke was left fuming while Tsunade walked toward her chair and brushed at the small fire there, putting it out before she sat down.

She faced Sasuke and Hinata calmly, as if there wasn't a giant, gaping whole in the wall behind her.

"Come in!"

From the door, Shikamaru and Sakura stepped in.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sasuke growled. "What the _fuck_ were you guys doing? How could you let-"

"Calm down Uchiha."

"I WILL **NOT **CALM DOWN! YOU **LET **HIM TAKE THEM?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed dangerously and she stood angrily, glaring at the Uchiha.

"Don't think you're the only one who cares about Naruto, you arrogant bastard!"

"Maybe not but I'm apparently the only one who can protect him," he said coldly. "Seems every time I'm gone, you let something happen to him."

The next instant, Tsunade was holding Sasuke up in the air by his collar while he glared at her defiantly, looking for all the world like he'd gladly take down the Hokage and ease some of his frustration.

"You might want to get off your high horse and listen, Uchiha. The only reason I'm not killing you is because of Naruto."

"I could say the same."

Tsunade let the boy down, shaking her head in disgust.  
Sure, Sasuke had killed Orochimaru who happened to be a Kage-level S-class nin but that didn't mean he could go around threatening authority whenever he liked.

Tsunade turned to the others who'd been watching their interaction with interest.

"Okay," Tsunade turned to Shikamaru. "Naruto and Kyuubi have been taken by Sai."

Shikamaru nodded. "Wait ten minutes before sending out a team to follow. One to track and counter every enemy attack and the other as a rescue team."

"Then things are going according to the plan?" Hinata enquired.

Sasuke bristled. "_What_?"  
The Hokage smirked. "Like I said, Uchiha. You're not the only one who cares about Naruto."

Sasuke watched the others, his dark eyes plainly accusing them.

"You really _did _let Sai take them?"  
Shikamaru nodded. "Given the situation, it was the best move."

"They are in danger!"

Shikamaru sighed and kept quite, clearly letting on that he thought explaining the situation to the Uchiha would be troublesome.

Sakura stepped forward.

"Tsunade and I found out what had happened to Naruto and Kyuubi," she held a hand up sternly to stop Sasuke from interrupting. "They'd been subjected to an extraction jutsu that was supposed to get the Kyuubi out. Like the Akatsuki way except that their jutsu would keep both Naruto and Kyuubi alive and bound to each other. That would mean that whoever controlled one, would control the other.

We can only assume that Danzou realized that Naruto's obscene amount of chakra would come in handy in battle and decided he'd keep them both.

For some reason, they failed to complete the jutsu last time and Naruto and Kyuubi ended up only partly separated and switched bodies due to their instability in the extraction.

The Anbu that tried to kill both Naruto and Kyuubi earlier were from a different section of Root, according to Sai, a section that believed it would be best if they just killed both the vessel and the child instead of using them.

To get their chakra stable and ensure that they both survive, the jutsu would have to be repeated and completed. _That_ is why we let Sai take them.

They have to go through the jutsu again."

Sasuke blinked, red eyes fading to black. "So…this was all part of some plan you came up with in the ten minutes that I was gone?"

They nodded.

Sasuke huffed. "How do we get them back? How do we know Sai isn't double-crossing us? How do we-"

"That's why we're sending people out," Shikamaru stated impatiently. "To get them back after the jutsu is completed. We have their location. And I don't think Sai would let anything happen to Naruto."

Sasuke turned away at that. "Let's go then."

"We leave as soon as Kiba, Neji and Sakura get here," Hinata said.

"So what was with all this?" Sasuke motioned to the burnt office.  
"It's called acting, Uchiha. Something you wouldn't have managed." Tsunade smirked. "Besides, we had to make it look real if Danzou was going to trust Sai and if his spies in our own Anbu were going to believe us."

"Can't they be listening in on this whole conversation?" Sasuke asked.

Tsunade snorted. "There are these things called muffling jutsus…maybe you've heard of them…"

The boy scowled at her patronizing tone and swore under his breath about old women and their fake boobs. The chair Tsunade three at him whizzed by and smacked into Kiba who'd just entered the room.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Behind the dog lover, Neji snorted in amusement, muttering, "And you call yourself a ninja…"

"What?" Kiba shouted, affronted. "That chair came out of _nowhere_!"

Neji just rolled his eyes and stepped into the room.

"We're ready to go."

Tsunade nodded. "Off you go then."

Sasuke and Sakura shared a look before they took off after Kiba.

Akamaru joined them at the gate and they all swiftly made their way through the forest with Shikamaru giving instructions as they went.

"Kiba and Neji will lead the group and warn the rest of us about any incoming dangers. Sasuke and Sakura move forward when the jutsu area is located but only at my signal. Hinata will watch our backs. Incapacitate Sai and take him with us, in their eyes as our hostage."

It was a good plan…if nothing went wrong.

**(I am a smart page break. A+ losers.)**

Sasuke ran through the forests, ignoring every thing else.

He was on a rampage.

The only thing keeping him from destroying the trees in front of him and just levelling the whole forest so he could get to Naruto quicker was the fact that he didn't want anyone panicking and hurting Naruto.

He had to rely on the others to help get there in time and make sure Naruto wasn't taken again this time.

In front of them, Neji and Kiba abruptly stopped and they all stopped behind them.

"They are about three hundred metres away in clearing," Neji said, Byakugan active. "The jutsu has already been started."

Sasuke frowned at that and jumped to the forest floor.

He pressed his hand flat to the surface of the forest floor and felt for all activity.

During his lovely vacation with Orochimaru, he had managed to modify the elements he controlled. With fire being his original, he'd mastered it first and found that he could lessen his awareness of it till he noticed heat instead of just flames. He could use it to track enemies or feel, via body heat, whatever creatures or people were nearby and translate the heat into chakra.

Concentrating hard due to the large distance, he shut his eyes and cursed his lack of being an earth style user. This was taking too long…

Finally, his eyes snapped open as he felt various heat signatures.

Seven ninjas, jounin level, all in a vague circle with two figures in the middle.

Naruto and Kyuubi.

One other ninja, separate from the rest, tied up.

Sasuke stood when he felt the chakra spike flow through him.

He glanced up at the others and jumped back up to them.

"Sai's tied up and Naruto and Kyuubi are in the middle of what looks like some sort of Anbu cult," he explained. "Seven ninja are involved in the extraction."

The others knew better than to ask. He was a genius after all and even Neji seemed slightly impressed before he hurriedly closed off his expressions again.

Neji had seen exactly what Sasuke had but with the aid of his Byakugan. Coils of chakra were wrapped around Naruto and Kyuubi and each coil was growing spikes that were slowly piercing the two. They were too far away to hear their cries of anguish but Neji could see them.

He knew better than to tell Sasuke.

Hell, he was amazed the boy was staying still.

But even more than that., he was amazed the Uchiha had the ability to show emotion. In just under twenty minutes, he'd seen worry, anger, pain and frustration all cross the man's face.

Finally, some proof that he was actually human.

Neji paid attention once more to the extraction and noticed that the Jinchuuriki's chakra was spiking and Kyuubi's was staying stagnant, like he was resisting it but…but was somehow not doing too well. His chakra seemed to be building up in the fox's body- Naruto's current body.

Suddenly, the pressurized chakra seemed to erupt and the Konoha retrieval tem all froze when the felt it, and tensed when they felt an after wave of pure heat blast past them.

They could hear the screams now.

Clear, loud and agonizing.

Before anyone could stop him, Sasuke shot out, Body Flickering into the clearing.

The Anbu didn't stop, seeming unconcerned that the Uchiha was there.

Sasuke saw Naruto and Kyuubi in the middle of the Anbu circle.

The grass they were on was burnt to ashes and the two were writhing in pain, their bodies on fire.

A fire fuelled by their own chakra.

Sasuke moved forward even as he heard the shouts of his team-mates behind him. His skin burned as he was subjected to the heated chakra but he kept moving, trying to get closer to the two he had come to save.

He ignored the pain and struggled forward as the heat intensified and he felt wave after wave trying to push him away.

Finally, he reached them. He grabbed Naruto and Kyuubi, lifting them both into his arms but when he turned to leave, he couldn't move.

Around him, he noticed the others had followed his lead in rushing in and were trying to attack the Anbu.

_Trying_.

Somehow, they couldn't touch them.

Sasuke's body burned but he held back the swears and tried to trudge away, dragging his feet even as the jutsu pulled him down.

Both Naruto and Kyuubi were now unconscious but still alive.

_I have to get them out of here._

The flames licked at his skin, burning him further, starting to crawl through his veins.

_I have to save them._

The flames overwhelmed him, pulling him into the bliss of oblivion. He could feel the blood from Kyuubi and Naruto's burns mixing with his own and flowing down to the ground but he kept trying to move, even though it was all in vain.

_**I won't let you die.**_

The voice rang clear in his mind and for a moment, he noted how it sounded just like Kyuubi.

**(I am a polite page break. Fuck off.)**

Using his shadow technique, Shikamaru barely managed to capture every one of his team-mates before he Body Flickered away from the area.

They had all felt the sudden wane in chakra before the huge spike. Knowing what was coming, Shikamaru acted fast. Once they were a short distance away, Kiba and Akamaru dug swiftly into the ground and they sealed themselves in.

To their credit, all that had taken mere seconds and even underground, they felt the impact of the explosion.

They waited a few minutes before they dug themselves out and fell back at the sweltering heat of the chakra-laden air.

It was heavy and they struggled to breath even as they turned toward the direction of the clearing only to stare in shock at the huge crater barely a few feet from where they'd been hiding underground.

The nearby trees were all on fire and there were patches of something reflecting the bright sun back at them when they looked into the crater.

Neji frowned. "Glass?"

"Oh no," Hinata whispered worriedly. "How hot did that explosion have to be to actually make sheets of glass?"

Shikamaru shook his head. _Too hot for survivors._

As he looked down, he made out several burned bodies and he frowned as he counted them.

Seven in total.

He'd failed to reach Sai…and as for Naruto, Sasuke and Kyuubi…

He turned away, feeling the heavy weight of guilt.

Beside him, Sakura fell to her knees shaking her head, muttering words that never carried any sound as she looked down into the crater.

"Where are they?"

Shikamaru didn't speak.

What could he say?

Her team mates were gone. All of them.

There was nothing he could say.

Sakura stood and ran, stumbling and sliding past the burnt remains of the Anbu, until she reached the centre of the crater.

She mumbled their names as she looked frantically around her.

_Naruto…_

"No…no!"

They wouldn't die so easily.

It wasn't possible.

The stench of blood flooded her nostrils and she fought back tears as she fell to the ground, clutching at the dirt.

_Sasuke_…

Where _were_ they?

They just had to be okay. They just had to be _alive_.

_Sai…_

It was like a bad dream.

She'd wake up and find she was in her bed, ready to start the day and everything would be the way it was.

"Naruto…Sasuke…Sai…"

All three of them…and Kyuubi…

"No…no…._no_…"

Once again, she was useless. She hadn't been able to do a thing as her team mates died. She'd been trying to fight one Anbu who kept repelling her with some strange force field while Naruto and Kyuubi were being burned alive... While Sasuke risked his life to save them…

What had she been training all these years for, if in the end, she'd watched them die?

Her eyes blurred as she dug her nails into the blood-soaked earth.

"Come back…"

She'd failed.

"_Please_…"

Again.

Her head hung low as she tried to concentrate in her heartbroken haze.

"Sakura?"

Hinata was behind her, her voice sounding hoarse as she tried to talk to Sakura.

"Hinata…I can feel chakra here."

'There's chakra everywhere, Sakura," Hinata said calmly.

Sakura shook her head. "Please…concentrate. Where is it the heaviest?"

Hinata, confused, did as she was asked and pointed to a spot near where Sakura was.

"When people Body Flicker, they leave traces of their chakra behind," Sakura whispered. "And if you can match yours as you Body Flicker to the amount they left, you can follow them and end up where they are."

"Sakura-"

The girl stood and walked where Hinata had pointed. "I have to know."

The next moment, Sakura disappeared and Hinata was left watching an empty space.

**(I am a happy page break. Whaddup BITCHES!)**

"Ugh…"

Someone was jostling me and a few choice swear words came to mind.

Honestly, who in their right mind would dare to try to keep someone as awesome as me from my beauty sleep? Someone with a death wish I just had to grant.

"Good morning Naruto."

Aw hell, they were obviously suicidal.

I opened an eye to tell them to fuck off and found myself opening the other one in a very good impression of a shocked muskrat.

_Danzou?_

Okay…

I racked my brain for memories of any drinking I may have had the previous night and came to the shocking conclusion that whatever I had had was astoundingly potent.

Cause there was no way in hell that I was actually seeing what I thought I was seeing.

Which was quite a few things actually.

Danzou, for one.

The rest were pretty clear though.

We were in what was probably a basement and there was the irritating sound of dripping water as it fell from the ceiling. The room was dark, dank and cold. I shivered slightly as I took note of one very important fact.

I was clothed.

I was in a bright orange jump suit and even as I wondered briefly what I ever saw in orange, I realised that because of the above, I was…well…

I was back in my own body.

Sasuke, Sai and a fox were all strapped to tables much like the one I was currently on, and they were all watching me. The fox, however, was larger than us and had black fur and cold blue eyes. Behind it, I counted six tails.

I looked at Sasuke's torn, bloody clothes and froze.

Was he hurt?

Dread filled me as his heavy eyes regarded me with a tired but relieved look.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Dobe."

My eyes shot up to Sasuke's and widened. "I wake up, _finally_ in my own body and the first thing you do is insult me? Honestly?"

Sasuke sent me a look that proclaimed my idiocy and I knew that if it wasn't for being strapped to the torture table, as it were, I'd be kicking his ass nine ways to Tuesday.

"Listen jackass, you better be alright cause I'm going to _kill_ you-"

"_Please_."

"What the hell's your problem?"

"You're troublesome."

"What, you Shikamaru now?"

"Just be quiet for a minute, would you."

"And here I was worrying about your stupid ass."

"I didn't ask you to worry, dumbass."

"Listen, you inconsiderate cock-eyed asshole-"

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty," Danzou smirked and I looked at him, having forgotten he'd been there in the first place.

He stared at me for a moment. "Did you just forget I was here?"

I looked at him. "No…"

"Right," his un-bandaged eye made me think of Kakashi and I wondered if maybe we were part of some really lame prank.

Turning toward the fox, I mumbled curiously. "Kyuu?"

The fox raised a dark eyebrow at me. "No, I'm Sai."

My eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"No, you _moron_," he huffed. "Of course it's me."

Sai chuckled at that and nodded at Kyuubi. "I like you."

"Slow down there, slugger, I'm straight. No inter-species dating here."

Sai seemed amused by that and Sasuke rolled his eyes, muttering something about why he'd bothered trying to save a bunch of idiots and how the world would have been a better place without us anyway.

Turning to Sai, I asked, "Weren't you tied up?"

He blinked. "I'm a ninja."

Tch. Arrogant swine.

Sasuke smirked at that and I managed to give him the finger even with my strapped wrist. Yeah, I'm still awesome.

Someone cleared their throat and we turned back to face Danzou who was glaring at us. "Honestly, I don't know whether to be insulted by your disregard for my presence or impressed by the fact that you're not worried that I captured you all."

Unbidden, memories of what had happened exploded in my mind and I muttered, "What the hell happened?"

Danzou smiled creepily. "Well, you incinerated my subordinates."  
"No, seriously."

"He's serious," Sasuke explained.

Danzou nodded. "Yes, seems the extraction managed to switch you both back to your rightful bodies but before they could sever the chakra bond and link the blood bond, someone here interfered-" he glared at Sasuke. "-and so, with Kyuubi making a last ditch attempt to murder the Anbu, he let loose a very impressive amount of flaming chakra."

"So…Sai didn't die because…" I said, looking Sai over. He seemed fine.

Danzou shrugged. "Because Kyuubi didn't try to kill him, I suppose. Anyway, we have another matter to discuss here," he motioned to someone I couldn't see and an Anbu brought him a chair. Taking a seat where we could all see him, Danzou crossed his arms and looked at each of us.

"So, with the Uchiha running in like he did, it seems the extraction was once again, incomplete. However, the blood bond was connected and it seems the Uchiha, the Kyuubi and the Jinchuuriki all share the bond now." He turned to Sasuke. "Thankyou, I always wanted an Uchiha to control."

I frowned at that. "I was there by the way," Danzou grinned. "So I'm the one who brought you here. I swear it's like I can't trust anyone to finish the job they start. Look at Sai."

We did.

Sai looked back at us. "What?"

Danzou sighed. "Well, granted you seem to be loyal to me and did go through the trouble of kidnapping them for the extraction but you did attack one of my Anbu when they tried to hit Naruto so really…"

Sai raised an eyebrow at that. "He wasn't given orders to torture them."

"Be that as it may, you didn't have to kill him."

Sai just shrugged. "Only seven were needed for the extraction."

"So you killed the guard?"

"He was out of line."

"And you weren't?"

"I suppose I was alittle irked by his actions."

"Irked? You killed the guy."

"…sorry."

Danzou sighed. "I'll forgive you, but just in case you try to be chivalrous again, you'll stay strapped to that table till I'm done."

I stared.

That was so weird.

This whole thing had the general feeling of a really bad movie and I sighed. "Er…what do you mean, _done_?"

The evil mastermind nodded. "Yes, well, you see, the whole plan was pretty simple-" ah yes, here was the part where the bad guy told us his plan. "-we were to extract Kyuubi's chakra from your body but after the first failed attempt, the two chakras, yours and his, mixed up and we had to reverse the process first and then start over. With the two chakras separate, you were then to have a blood bond, one that linked the two of you as well as a third party, one who would control you both."

"Both?"

"Yes, you have quite an impressive amount of chakra for you to be able to house a demon whose very seal is constantly eating up your chakra."

Okay…

"And after the extraction and bonding was done, I was to rule the world."

"You did all this for world domination? Seriously?"

"Don't be silly. I also did it for the money and immortality."

"Immortality?"

"A demon's power never dies and besides, I found Orochimaru's old scrolls."

"So you're delving into being a paedophile, too?" Sasuke taunted.

A moment later, he was grunting in pain as Danzou's fist connected sharply with his stomach.

Huffing in annoyance, Danzou stepped back. "Don't be rude. As much as I want the prestige of having an Uchiha at my disposal, I'd sooner kill you than force myself to listen to your lame wisecracks."

"They weren't lame," I defended.

Danzou simply rolled his eyes at me and returned to his seat.

"A team is preparing the modification of the jutsu to account for three slaves instead of just two. They'll be ready soon so I suggest we all play nice and try to get to know each other."

I rolled my eyes at that.

The guy was nuts.

I looked down at the straps holding me down and figured that the others had already tried to struggle as they had been up before me. That meant that the restraints were probably consuming our chakra and that struggling was useless.

Logically.

But I recalled something vaguely from an old scroll of mine.

When chakra restraints were used, a huge overload could easily undo them.

It might work but there was the fact that my body was weak. Also, there were other people in the room who'd need rescuing.

I couldn't exactly escape by myself.

Dammit, we needed a huge distraction but nothing short of a natural disaster would have Danzou leaving us there. I was sure of it.

Suddenly, as if some genie with a crush on me had heard my wishes, the ground began to shake.

Danzou scowled. "What the hell is going on?" he shouted.

Shouts and screams filled the air and I glanced at Kyuubi. He nodded and just as huge cracks appeared on the floor, we let loose as much chakra as we could. The restraints held strong for a few seconds before they snapped and Danzou stood, glaring mightily at us as we stood in front of the other two.

We looked cool, I was sure of that.

The problem was it was hard to continue looking cool when the ground was shaking and we were having a hard time staying up.

Danzou moved forward and before we could counter him, he was pressing a knife to Sasuke's throat.

My eyes widened as the Uchiha shot Danzou a dark look. The next second, Danzou was knocked back and the kutsaragi was in Sasuke's hand. He managed to free himself with severing any body parts right before Anbu came rushing in through the door.

"Danzou-sama! Konoha shinobi have infiltrated the area! We have-"

The man's report was cut short by a kunai to the throat. Danzou calmly turned back to us and I scowled.

"You just killed your own subordinate."

"Yes, I did."

Oh, he was _dead_.

Sai coughed from his place on the table but no one paid any attention to him.

Looking around, there were roughly about twenty Anbu surrounding us as well as a very pissed-off Danzou.

"Odds aren't looking too good, are they?" One Anbu member taunted.

"No," Sasuke said and shot forward, appearing in front of the man with kutsaragi firmly in the guy's chest.

"Now they're looking good."

"Yeah," I snorted. "Cause one less guy's gonna make a difference."

"Just do your stupid kage bunshin so we can leave," Sasuke growled angrily as the Anbu moved forward to attack us, more seeming to pour in through the door.

"And what? Encourage the earthquake?" I asked sarcastically, punching a guy in the nuts and ignoring his cry of how that wasn't a fair way to fight. "I'd rather not defeat all these losers just to have a piece of the roof kill me."

"That _would_ be a pretty embarrassing way to die," Sai offered from his place on the table. No one was attacking him as they were sure he was one of them and well, if Danzou wanted him dead, he'd have already been dead.

"Surely you know enough to dodge slabs of concrete," Sasuke countered, slicing another guy and kicking one toward his friend.

"You're assuming the concrete will have a conference and decide to fall in bits and pieces," I retorted.

Sasuke paused for a moment before activating his sharingan and moving faster. "I'm impressed."

"With what?"

"Your sarcasm and witty banter have greatly improved since the last time we argued."

"So have your general levels of being an asshole."

"Thankyou, I try."

"Will you two stop flirting and get on with this?" Kyuubi growled, using his claws to slice through a man before biting into another one's neck and ripping a huge chunk out. I looked away in disgust.

"Can't you find a less vicious way to fight?" I asked Kyuubi, ramming a kunai into someone's crotch.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Kyuubi sneered. "Maybe I can use my invisible opposable thumbs to throw kunai all willy-nilly like you guys."

"We don't throw them all willy-nilly!" Sasuke said defensively as he threw a kunai all willy-nilly at someone.

"Uh huh…"

"Look here you fox bastard," Sasuke growled. "We're ninja. If we actually _do_ throw kunai like that, it's with grace and _panache_."  
"_Panache_? Seriously? So, what, you throw them daintily at other ninja and hope to give them a nasty haircut?"

"I'm going to _kill_ you."

"You and what army?"

"THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED!"

All fighting stopped as we turned toward the basement door and stared at Kiba who had his arms spread wide and was looking alittle bit like Lee with that pose.

I could almost see the sparkles.

"This is getting ridiculous."

I looked over at Danzou who had apparently been watching the whole thing like a movie and he sighed.

The ground suddenly stopped shaking and Sakura appeared behind Kiba, pushing past him and punching at whoever was in her way, making a clean path through the Anbu.

I noticed a few of them pull out senbon and swore.

If Sakura had been causing all that shaking, then the poison senbon users couldn't aim wisely and kill because they might hit their team-mates.

With everything still now…

Shit.

"Cease."

All eyes turned to Danzou and he smirked before disappearing.

"W-wait!" Sakura shouted angrily.

She reached us just before the other Root members all fled, Body Flickering away and throwing smoke bombs.

I rolled my eyes when the smoke cleared and found Kyuubi by my side.

"Dude, you're _huge_."

Before he could retort, we both found ourselves in a bone-crushing hug.

Sakura had somehow managed to tug in Sasuke and Kyuubi and was killing all of us with affection.

"I was so worried!"

I felt her body begin to shake and hugged her back. "It's alright…we're alright."

She sniffed and after a few seconds, pulled away and tried to compose herself.

"What happened? How did you-"

"Is everyone okay?"

We looked up to see Shikamaru, Neji and Hinata, all in battle stances, looking ready to commit murder.

"Er…yeah…"

Sakura smiled at us before zoning in on Kyuubi. "What the hell happened to you?"

He shrugged, "Growth spurt?"

Rolling her eyes, she looked around. "Where's Sai?"

"How nice of you to ask."

I turned and saw that Sai was where he'd been the whole time.

Laughing nervously, I moved forward and untied him.

When I turned back, everyone was staring at me with their mouths hanging open.

Well, except for Kyuubi, he seemed to be smirking.

I raised an eyebrow at them. "What?"

Kyuubi's six tails swished abruptly and he chuckled.

"_WHAT?"_

Sasuke cleared his throat and I looked over at him.

Was that a blush on his face?

"You…uh…"

"Tell me dammit!"

"You have tails sticking out your butt."

I blinked before slowly turning around.

I caught a glimpse of two golden tails and spun round trying to catch them.

After a few seconds I stopped, realising how idiotic I'd just looked.

Sasuke was holding back a smile and I blinked.

"Uh, Sasuke…?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, smirk still in place.

"You have one, too."

Abruptly, he reached behind and indeed, held a black tail in his hand.

Holding back a snicker, Sakura cleared her throat and spoke. "I suppose the jutsu kind of mixed your chakra…maybe."

"_Maybe_?" Sasuke shouted angrily. "What the hell do you mean '_maybe'_?"

"I mean it's a possibility," Sakura replied dryly.

"Oi guys!" Hinata called. "We should probably get going."

While Kyuubi was chuckling, me and Sasuke held back on trying to kill him.

When I glanced at Sasuke, I caught his eye and for a moment he didn't turn away, just looked at me as if he was making sure I was okay.

I nodded slightly at him and he smiled.

A real smile, not a smirk.

One with both relief and regret.

The next second, he looked away and his smile melted into his usual smirk but I at least knew it had been there.

And I noticed the hurried beating of my heart.

I bumped him with my shoulder as we walked slowly back to the village.

"Dumbass."

"Asshole."

All was right with the world.

We were friends again.

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**A/N: hey, how y'all doing? *dodges bricks* Er…I'll just leave.**

**Review Reply**

**E313: **Yeah, you were right :D Sai's still good…I think…

**Narutoluvr9: **Sorry I took so long but uh…I updated? *nervous chuckle*

**MikaUchiha666: **I don't update because I am a fiend! Bwahahahahaaa! *gets smacked* okay, okay dammit…I'll update… Yay, I love when people beg XD

**Zephrclaws: **YES! FLUFFEH BUNNEH ASSASSENS…EH!

**Zephairy: **Thanks for that *beams* It's just….I assume reviews mean 'interest' so the lack of them was like 'You're lame, please stop'…forgive me, I'm a sensitive soul. Mmm, chocolate… Abrupt ending? Really? I'll look into that. Um, I dunno, I was sorta going for a cliffhanger there, hehe.

**Serenityofthematrix: **Thanks :)

**Enyel: **Thanks so much!

**ShadowOfAPrincess: **Hey you, it's been a while. How've you been? You kidnapped Naruto? That isn't possible because *long dramatic pause* _**I **_ kidnapped Naruto and *even longer dramatic pose* I am your _father_!

**Blensh-lq: **Yeah…slow…I know the feeling…LOL, be happy! I command YEW!

**Shya kitty: **The buttons are working! I swear!

**Juli: **Thanks…I really do appreciate that *gushing smile*

**Sweven: **I _do _like my plots think… and I am distraught at my lack of humour…*bursts into tears*

**Kilei: **Well….I explained Sai, hehe. Yay, fast…I think?

**7thtreasure: **I love Hinata too! Hmm…Yeah, I _am_ terribly lacking in bromance, aren't I? I'll shove some in the next chapter XD Yeah, once a traitor, twice a zucchini… Feel the rash of my fluffed bunnehs! Feel it! (what's that? It's wrath? Well… FEEL THAT TOO!)

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: NOOOO! **Lelouch is MINE! Wow, I love you for maintaining your faith in Sai XD No, free books on world domination are expensive. Duh.

**Kittykatsaymeow: **Yeah…two updates in that short time and then a LONG vacation, lol… Sure, I charge extra for use of my fluffed bunnehs…

**Lilanimefan247: **LOL, if I left everyone hanging off their seats, I hope they fell off after XD

**DEMONIC BLACKMAGIC: **Why the hell did you hit a cliff? Where'd you learn to fly? I'm sorry for the cliffy *isn't really sorry* So very, very sorry…

**Kage kitsune no yami: **Thanks so much for all that *blushing madly* wow…just, thankyou.

**Narutolover6661: **I wasn't changing the subject…*pause* but it _is_ an interesting cloud, isn't it?

**Greywindfalcon: **LOL, you're cheating! No crystal balls allowed! THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! XD

**Werewolf-twilight: **Well, I just want to say that I appreciate your compliment on my originality XD Inspiration struck me and I fell down the stairs. It hurt. Thanks…

**Dragonfire2lm: **I like epic too! Haha :)

**Narutofweak: **Yup, another update…Don't cry! I'm sorry! No imposter this time *sigh* yup…as you could see…

**Sakura-Biyori: **Thanks J That's what I was going for, hehe

**OhSnapSasuke: **Yay, masterpiece? *looks at Mona Lisa, then at fic* YAAAY! Er, I continued…don't hurt me?

**A person who knows: **Haha, nut. Thanks XD

**XxSnowxxAngelxx: **ALL WILL BE REVEALED…wait…was already revealed…..never mind.

**Bitter Faerie: **I didn't see the money! I opened the envelope and a moth flew out crying 'I'm free!'… It's not working? Even AFTER the giant hammer? Um, are you sure you used the giant hammer right? Yay, kudos. I _do_ enjoy dodging bullets…

**Juura99: **HOW DARE YOU ADVANCE MY PLOT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! DAMN YOU!

**HugAZombie: **I like Sai, too. Lol, you're true to him, nice…and your denial came in so handy too.

**XxKageTenshixX: **LOL I was reading your review and laughed at your confusion XD it was cute, really :3

**Vitan: **Don't be lazy! Please review *pouts* Well, Sai didn't want to cuddle but that was a pretty good guess anyway :D

**Narutoluvr9: ***dies happily from all the compliments…returns as a peppy ghost* weeeeeeeeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Thanks, I will XD !

**x-x**

**For a sasunaru lemon and other assorted fruit, press 1.**

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**x-x**


	12. An Unlikely Confrontation

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

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**Beta'ed by: **[UnBeta'ed]

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**Disclaimer:** yaddee yadda...I own nadda...

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**Summary: **Naruto has awoken as a fox and has no recollection of being human… He's found by Sasuke who decided to take him in. In the meantime, everyone's looking for the human Naruto… SasuNaru

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**Chapter 12: An Unlikely Confrontation**

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**Warning: This chapter sucks. There is angst present. Also, I would like to point out that at this moment I am talking on the phone, typing this up, watching my roommate play NFS and replying to reviews. I call it multi-tasking…**

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The road to hell is wide.

And so is the road to Konoha.

The likeness wasn't lost on me.

The retrieval team was tired; having a full out battle with trained assassins could do that, I supposed but I wasn't tired at all. Just really, _really _annoyed.

I could feel the tails swishing behind me and grew irritable as I realized that I wasn't going to curb my need to chase them for much longer. In the light, I could see that they were a rich gold colour.

Goodness knows the others would have a field day making dog jokes even though they knew good and well these are _fox_ tails.

My only consolation was that Sasuke was looking equally frustrated. His single black tail was twitching uncomfortably.

Kyuubi, that asshole, just looked smug.

After leaving the Root hideaway with Sai tied up (the guy still had to have his uses), we made our way toward Konoha fairly easily, all things considered. I wasn't quite getting used to my tails, especially with the way Sakura and Hinata kept blushing when I caught them staring and the way Sasuke was glaring at me like I was the one that had somehow glued a tail to his ass.

Kyuubi seemed unperturbed by the fact that Sasuke and I had somehow shared off his remaining tails. Hell, he seemed almost pleased to have them off his hands- er, butt.

Neji and Kiba kept glancing at Kyuubi warily; almost as if they were sure the giant black fox would rampage the second we got to Konoha. Not that I was sure he wouldn't.

Akamaru was keeping a safe distance away but threw sporadic growls every now and then, which Kyuubi promptly ignored.

As we neared the gates, Shikamaru came up with his plan for why we were bringing a giant fox into Konoha. People wouldn't really be all that happy about him, not after the whole 'foxes are evil tenacious bastards and must die' thing they've had going on for years as they gave me their variations of the Uchiha glare for harbouring Kyuubi. They'd been many occasions I figured I'd just let the damn fox free and tell them that _they_ should try being his vessel. I doubted Tsunade would be too happy about that, though.

She never did tell me what exactly happened the night of my birth. All she said was that the demon was sealed in me and I was a hero. Hoo-bloody-ray. I'd have been happy being a commoner if that was the way Konoha treated their heroes.

Oh, but Konoha is faithful to the heroes they _love_. Like Sasuke.

It was almost like the bastard had never abandoned his village.

Which was why Shikamaru knew his plan would work. If it could even be _called_ a plan…

The guards at the gate stared at us and then at the Kyuubi, in disbelief.

Hell, I was pretty blown away myself.

Kyuubi was resting on Sasuke's head, roughly the same size as a small puppy, the way Kiba and Akamaru had been all those years ago.

The funny thing was, Sasuke looked pissed and Kyuubi looked cute.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped and left it to someone who really gave a damn to figure out how the hell Kyuubi had gone from a flaming black behemoth to a little fox kit. And exactly when he'd climbed up onto Sasuke's hair.

The guards cleared their throats and looked at Sasuke.

"Are you _sure_ he's a summons?"

Sasuke scowled at them. "Do you think I'd let a rabid forest animal on my head?"

They looked like they might say yes.

"Can she talk?" one asked, moving closer to peer at Kyuubi who was glaring at him.

Sasuke sighed as Kyuubi snorted indignantly. "I am _male,_ you asinine buffoon."

Well, the sheer lack of respect and awesome show of bastardry that was Kyuubi definitely made the guards believe us. No one but an Uchiha would have such an offensive tosser as a summons. And all we had to say was that a jutsu had gone wrong and Kyuubi was unable to return to his world. Also, and understand the irony is bloody hilarious; we had to call Kyuubi 'Kit'.

You'd _think_ they'd be abit more wary of foxes after the whole Kyuubi thing. I mean, they treated me like crap for most of my life because of the damn fox but no, when it comes to the _real_, fluffy bastards, they coo at them and let them into their village. Assholes.

Neji and Shikamaru went to report in while the rest of us waited at the bottom of the Hokage tower to wait. No point in all of us rushing in and explaining how I'd saved the day with pure awesomeness. That just wouldn't be right.

They were told that Lady of the Boob wasn't in so we all headed toward the nearest hotel. It wasn't like we could get to the Uchiha complex without incident, given the way stuff seemed to be happening lately so the group (_Sakura_) discussed the matter with everyone ( _Hinata_) and decided that we (_Sasuke, Kyuubi and I_) would stay in a hotel until further notice (i.e., _until they said otherwise_).

We checked in, feeling awfully like children because we were told to be quiet, sit still and behave. Kiba was '_inspecting'_ the fridge, Neji was '_making sure the bathroom standards are up to p_ar' and Hinata was lounging, not feeling the need to give herself an excuse. Shikamaru had gone home, saying something about the pressing need to fluff his pillows.

Sai, still tied up, was watching us with curiosity while Kyuubi decided to play 'poke the Uchiha's tail with one of my own'. This day could _not_ have gotten any weirder.

Until Tsunade came in.

With a friend.

A friend that Sasuke tried to greet with a kutsaragi to the throat right before he was held down by her royal Boobliness.

"You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me."

And so, with that, Sasuke was being restrained.

By the Hokage.

It would have been really fun to watch, maybe grab some popcorn and even get a date if it wasn't for the fact that I was the only other person standing between Sasuke, Tsunade and the object of Sasuke's super-hero-worthy killing intent. Everyone else was standing a safe distance away like the brave little ninjas they were.

"_Itachi_," I sighed irritably, glaring at the older Uchiha who was currently standing in the doorway, smirking pleasantly. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Itachi came in and shut the door, mumbling something about Jinchuuriki lacking manners…  
The bastard.

He sat on the couch and I wondered why no one was freaking out.

I mean, I knew why _I_ wasn't freaking out. Itachi wasn't a threat. To me, I think.

After my return from stopping Sasuke from killing Itachi, I hadn't seen the long haired bastard.

I had made Sasuke listen to Itachi tell him all about Madara, Danzou, the council and the Kyuubi. I also added in bits and pieces my research had picked up. And Sasuke, overwhelmed by the whole thing had still made a last ditch attempt at killing Itachi. Which I thwarted, with my awesomeness. It took quite a while for it to sink into the obsessive-murderous idiot's thick skull but he'd finally seen reason, even though I had kinda sorta _beaten_ the reason into him.

Itachi had made sure we were okay, even going as far as walking and carrying a passed out Baby Uchiha almost all the way to Konoha before leaving.

After Sasuke had gone about assassinating the main members of the old council who were responsible for ordering the Uchiha massacre, Boobilicious was more than happy to write off both Sasuke and Itachi as village heroes and even let them have their own holiday - named after them both, to share of course. We agreed with the first bit but the second was ridiculous. Sasuke and Itachi didn't like to share.

Itachi stayed in touch with the BoobLord, as I recall, but he never really got down to keeping in touch with the Littlest Bastard.

"It's nice to see you all," Itachi said pleasantly.

Sakura, Kiba and Neji all chose that moment to walk in- Neji in a bathrobe- and stare.

I sat in the seat next to Itachi's, by Hinata, while Tsunade seemed to be doing a good job of suffocating Sasuke with her boobs. Or maybe she just wanted him. There had to be something to the whole "being friends with Jiraiya" thing… And she _had_ been friends with Orochimaru. Maybe they were all paedophiles.

Anyway, with LordOfTheBoobs successfully incapacitating an angry Sasuke, Itachi calmly sat down and stared at my butt.

Yes.

He stared.

At my butt.

That perverted sonovabitch.

Oh, he is _so_ not getting his own holiday. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat even as I tried to get my tails to stop swishing.

Abruptly, he turned. "Hello Kyuubi."

The black fox was lying on the carpet beside our couch and looked up, not looking particularly interested in the man.

"Itachi," he nodded before putting his head back down and going back to sleep.

Sasuke was still yelling- with his yells being muffled by the Tsunade hills- so I growled angrily.

"Shut up already Sasuke," I said irritably. "Why are you so mad, anyway" I thought you got over your must-kill-Itachi phase."

Sasuke glared at me and Tsunade edged him slightly away from her boobs but if push came to shove, he'd be right back in there, nuzzling unwillingly.

"It's sibling rivalry," Sasuke said in a monotone.

"You still want to kill me?" Itachi asked, curious.

"Do you know how to hold a pen, Itachi?" Sasuke asked coldly.

Itachi shrugged. "With which body part?"

I noticed Hinata and Sakura blush at that but I wasn't completely sure why… I mean, what the hell _else_ could they _think_ he'd hold a pen with?

"Ah, so I assume you can write, Itachi?"

Itachi seemed amused by that. "Did you want me to write to you, Sasuke?"

Little Uchiha swore at him. "No, you asshole. I wanted you to stay out of my life, like you've done such an amazing job of so far."

"I can't do that."

"Why the hell not?"

"I missed you."

I choked and Hinata smacked by back none-too-gently.

I glared at her and she ignored me. Gosh, I miss the days when she was a stuttering love-struck mess. Ah yes, those were the days.

I had noticed that everyone was watching the scene like it was some sort of Spanish novella.

"When did you get a tail?"

Sasuke looked like he was seriously considering killing Tsunade to get to his brother but the HunchBoob of Notre Dame abruptly let him loose.

"Itachi was at Danzou's Root HQ today," she said clearly, raising a hand to stop Sasuke from trying to murder Itachi immediately.

Sasuke's eyes widened and he stared at his asshole of a brother.

"And you didn't do a damn thing to help?"

Itachi chuckled and it was pleasant. "Well, you guys were doing so well on your own…"

"He helped," Sakura interrupted, hoping to avoid more misunderstandings between the two brothers given their history.

Sasuke, Kyuubi, Sai and me all turned to her.

She shifted uncomfortably, I noticed, as did the others.

"Itachi was the one who caused the earthquake," Sakura said.

"Are you sure?" I started, confused. "He's not an earth jutsu user. I thought that was you."

"Well…"

"What?"

"Sakura doesn't like to get dirt on her," Sai said with a smile.

Sakura blushed and I blinked.

"You're kidding."

Before she could defend her girlie sense of the ickiness of dirt, Itachi cleared his throat. "Er, I can actually use _three_ elements Naruto," he said petulantly. "Earth, fire and water."

We all spoke at once.

"Cool."

"That's a strange combination."

"Not bad."

"I am almost impressed, Uchiha."

"Eh."

"Show-off."

"So? I could level mountains with a swish of my tail. You don't see _me_ waxing poetic about it."

We turned curious 'WTF' glances to Kyuubi but he just huffed. "What? I don't."

Muttering to herself, the BoobFather coughed and got our attention.

"Itachi is here to report in and will be getting a new assignment soon. I hope you'll all be mature enough to be civil and not damage any property-" She shot glares at both me and Sasuke. "- or else I'll have you assassinated."

Sasuke glared at Itachi, shooting him the darkest look I have ever seen him give before walking off into the bedroom and shutting the door.

When he was gone, I turned to Itachi. "Why did you come here?"

He looked at me like that was the stupidest question he had _ever_ heard and said, "To make sure Sasuke was okay."

He wasn't telling me everything. The fool was obviously keeping something back and I had no way of telling exactly what it was. But if the way his eyes kept following my tails was a clue, he was out for some ass.

"MY BOOTY IS MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!"

Okay…apparently I yelled that out loud…

Maybe I'm an earth user too and the ground will open up and swallow me…

"Er…that was…_Kit_," I said, blushing furiously.

They looked doubtful and Itachi looked curious. Ah, screw him.

"Stop staring at me," I hissed.

He smiled slowly and I glared into his dark eyes. Stupid pretty boy.

"Why are you really here?" I heard Neji ask.

Itachi never tore his gaze from me as he replied.

"That's no business of yours Hyuuga. I'll be gone soon enough. I just came _here_ to make sure Sasuke was alright."

"And now that you've seen he's _not?"_

Itachi sighed and stood. "I expected his reaction but did not account for the other nuances present here," He stated dryly to Tsunade. "I'll be off on my next assignment."

Tsunade sighed. Apparently this was not the emotional Uchiha reunion she had expected.

Itachi left and Tsunade watched us silently before clearing her throat.

"I want everyone here who is not an Uchiha or an Uzumaki or a demon fox, gone in twenty minutes. You all have homes and will not run up my bills by living here and ordering room service. _Your_ lives are not in danger. You will be assigned guard posts with my personal ANBU units to protect and watch these two but other than that, no one but these three will be staying here. Do you understand?"

They all nodded grudgingly while I growled in discontent.

Tsunade smirked, seeing that I had caught on fairly quick.

"Yes Naruto. You are under house arrest."

**(I am a magic perverted page break. Abraca-hoochie-momma-dabra)**

If I had _thought_ Sasuke was a pain in the ass before, well, I was pretty sure of it now.

I was also sure that somewhere up in the sky, the gods were doing shots and making bets to see who could torture me the most. The bastards.

I almost wished I was back at the Uchiha compound, playing the role of the amazingly intelligent and wonderfully sexy pet, Kit. What I wouldn't give for a time travel jutsu…

Sasuke, Kyuubi and me had been living together at the Konoha hotel for almost three weeks. Three of the longest weeks of my life.

It was _hell_.

The day of our 'house' arrest, Tsunade had left and gone to call an emergency meeting with the council that did _not_ go well.

She had been unable to place the blame on Danzou or even implicate him in any traitorous Root actions as we technically had no proof. There was also the fact that Danzou was a member of the council and had its support. Also, he was a right bastard about it and questioned reports of the Uchiha having a fox summons when the Uchiha clan clearly used ninja cats. I remember snorting at that.

Cats were hardly menacing and also, 'the Uchiha clan' had been reduced to Sasuke and Itachi so they could very well call any summon they damn well pleased.

Danzou questioned Tsunade's authority as well as her request to keep our location hidden, claiming she was making a bid at keeping the Kyuubi vessel under her power and turning against Konoha.

I had to admit, the asshole had a way with words and those old farts on the council were more than willing to listen to a fellow fart.

Unfortunately, that meant we still couldn't leave until Tsunade gave us the go-ahead.

There wasn't much I could do about it really, but having both Kyuubi and Sasuke as roommates was not something I wanted. They were both easily the most frustrating, narcissistic, arrogant bastards in the league of assholes (formerly headed by Orochimaru, now taken over by Danzou) and they were driving me nuts.

Kyuubi was always going around changing shape, eating all the cookies and saying how gay Sasuke and I were. He also refused to eat ramen, which I totally did not complain about- at first, cause hey, more for me- but then he had the _balls_ to suggest suspicion would arise if I kept ordering ramen and well, Tsunade had said he had a point.

Sasuke was being impossible, telling me all the wrong ways I go about being a ninja even though he hasn't really seen me fight much since he got back and so most of his pointers are about me not charging in head first to an army of seasoned, _powerful_ ninjas by simply yelling nonsense about friendship and being Hokage before I attack. I swear he wasn't such a prick before.

But he's constant reminders of what he thinks I should change just remind me of how much I actually have changed. If he'd actually slow down enough to ask someone, he'd know I'm not as brash, loud or impulsive as I used to be. Except, when I'm with him, I seem to revert to the idiot I once was.

There's also the thing about being Hokage.

I'm under no illusion that that is achievable by any means. Between the council and the few villagers who still hate me, there's no way I could get to become Hokage, no matter how many enemies I kill for Konoha or how highly ranked I get. Which is proven by the very fact that I'm _still_ a genin. The strange thing though is that I'm not as affected as I should be. I've passed the chuunin exams countless times but every time, the council just denies my promotion and everyone else moves higher. That doesn't stop them from sending me out on Anbu and S-class worthy missions, declaring them as D or C ranked missions so they can't be questioned on my reports.

Sometimes I imagine that leaving would be easier, that in another place I would be better acknowledged for my power and who I am rather than what my Jinchuuriki status implies. Seeing Gaara beat the odds had proved to me that his people are much more trusting than mine. He _had_ been a sadistic murderer after all and now look at him.

If I left, I could prove I was better than any ninjas and obstacles that came my way. I had trained and trained, studied and experimented and all my hard work had brought Sasuke back- an S-class Nin in his own right. I was at or above that and somehow, the hum of power pleased me. But I _knew_ that if I left, I wouldn't come back. I would have been like Sasuke- except for the whole brother thing. Konoha is my home though…and I've never known another.

"Dozing off?" Kyuubi asked mockingly from the couch.

I had noticed him come in but decided to try ignore him and get back to what I'd been doing before I zoned out- banging on the bathroom door.

"Sasuke, get out here!"

I heard a snort from inside and growled. Hell, I was absolutely gorgeous but even _I_ didn't spend three flippin' hours in the bathroom primping and preening.

"What the hell are you even _doing_ in there?" I screamed, banging hard on the door.

"Grooming," came the calm reply. "Not all of us go for the dirty, unkempt hobo look."  
"That's cause you couldn't pull it off," I yelled. "Now get out!"

"Hn."

"Sasuke!"

"I'm just making myself look presentable," he answered.

"For _who_? We're under house arrest!"

"I may decide to stand by a window."

Barely taking time to think about my actions, I formed a rasengan and slammed it against the door. Granted, that may have been abit much considering I could have easily kicked it open but the frustration was getting to me.

In a bad way, too, I promptly realised as I came face to face with a very wet Uchiha.

Sasuke had been standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist, fixing his hair. He was now looking at the shattered and splintered wood before he turned and raised an eyebrow at me.

I couldn't move.

My mouth felt like sandpaper and I tried, in vain, to swallow the dust that was my saliva.

Droplets of water were trailing down pale white skin and the steam hanging in the air didn't at all help at whatever drying he may have tried to perform. His body was lean and sleek, perfect for the quick calculated movements Anbu assassinations required and well-toned, with muscle in all the right places. I could see why so many people were after his pale ass. He was hot.

"Naruto?"  
His voice carried amusement and jarred me from my revelation even as I calmly faced him, knowing my face betrayed no emotion but my previous irritation.

"You're naked," I said, my voice sounding accusing.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I'm in a towel."

I snorted. That fluffy belt he was wearing could barely pass as a towel. The hotel couldn't possibly be that frugal.

"Why did you attack the door?" he asked with a smirk, his voice oozing sarcasm. "Is it your latest enemy or did you just want to see me naked? Really Naruto, all you had to do was ask."

Now, far be it from me to step up to such a gay challenge and far be it from me to rise to such weak bait but hell, I'd been challenged and I took the bait.

I punched him and pretty soon we were scrambling over splinters and tiled flooring, biting, scratching and throwing punches in between in what was so obviously an inelegant brawl with absolutely no finesse or coordination.

But I didn't care whether or not I looked bad as I threw a punch at his face. All I cared about was the bruise he would undoubtedly get once I was done. He was probably leaving my body a few presents of his own but it didn't matter. It was a miracle his towel was still in place somehow.

I'd had to deal with three weeks of his stupid sharingan wielding ass walking through the place in nothing but boxers, swishing his idiot ass around and making jokes about me watching him. Which I was not.

Most of the time, Sakura and Hinata were around to stop me from killing him as they ran blood tests and chakra experiments on us. Kyuubi however, wouldn't interfere as long as we didn't try to kill each other for the simple fact that he was a bastard like that and he wouldn't let us die without knowing whether or not that would affect him, too.

I don't recall how everything started but when we'd been left alone in the hotel suite, after Itachi and everyone else had all left, Sasuke had asked me if I'd enjoyed being his pet, stating the many situations we'd found ourselves in when I'd been Kit. I found myself blushing irritably at his moronic jabs but I couldn't help it. It was like he was mad at me for having been turned into a fox and seeing him at his most vulnerable moments. Like I was the one who told him that foxes were the ninja equivalent to Doctor Phil…

He had even gone as far as to suggest that he should move around naked before I calmly told him I'd provoke a chidori out of him, throw him in the bath and watch his sorry as fry. Besides, it wasn't like he'd never seen _me _naked! I remember the time I'd reverted back to myself and he'd seen me, uh…_dangling_, but I wasn't going around waving molestation papers! Hell, I could charge him with both molestation and _bestiality_ considering the way he loved to cuddle when I was Kit.

I finally edged away from him, muttering petulantly, "Gosh, you're almost as bad as Itachi."

I'd sparred with Itachi on occasions when he was in the village and the guy was resolute in his belief that he had to hospitalize me for the training session to have proved worthwhile.

An unexpected fist flew my way and dug hard into my side.

As another fist met my cheek, I winced and grabbed Sasuke's arms, holding them away from me as he shouted, "Chido-!" I punched his jaw hard with my free hand and he grunted and tried to throw me off. This was beyond normal. We fought, yeah, but we never used jutsus. "What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in anger and he growled at me. Tch.

"What's wrong with _you_?" he countered childishly, which reminded me that I had punched him first.

It occurred to me that while that was true, Sasuke _had_ provoked me. He had known I was at my breaking point, having been stuck in here for almost a month and had set about irritating the hell out of me. I had no doubt that I could survive his chidori, given my training had involved a lot of it hitting me, courtesy of a blackmailed Kakashi, so I could build up _some_ sort of resistance to it when I'd been on my mission to get Sasuke back.

"No shit. But other than that, what did I do?" I asked, striving to be calm. This was retarded.

He just tried to throw me off again.

"Sasuke!" I tried again. "Talk to me. I-"

"I _trusted_ you!" he snapped.

"What?" I blinked. "Is this about the Kit thing again? I thought I already explained-"

He took advantage of my momentary surprise to throw me off and kick me viciously. My leg stung and I backed away, eyeing him irascibly.

"I didn't turn into a fucking fox _on_ _purpose_!"

He didn't seem convinced. "You watched," he hissed. "You _watched_ as I talked about _everything_! You watched me fall apart over you! You read my journal!"

Okay…so he's mad about his diary?

That's such a girly thing to be mad about.

"Sasuke-"

A hit connected to my gut and I doubled over, quickly backing away further into the bathroom and forming clones to slow down his assault. He glared at me as he struck them down.

"Did you enjoy it?"

I frowned, straightening up when he finally reached me. "_What_?"

"Did you laugh?" he smiled coldly. "Poor Sasuke…"

Shit. I recognised his hand movements and jumped out of the way of his fireball.

"Stupid, obsessed, _unhappy_ Sasuke…"

Damn, he's _really_ pissed.

"Foolish Sasuke, trying to kill his innocent brother…"  
Okay, so it wasn't _just _the diary he was mad about. I blocked as he attacked me again and again. I felt like he needed to get this out of his system. All the confusion and frustration and helplessness he must have felt when I'd stopped him from killing Itachi…all the anger at the council members he'd killed…all the resentment at me for being involved…

His _fury_ at having cared for me at all…

I grew tired of fighting in the enclosed space, even though there was momentary relief that at least nothing seemed to have caught fire from Sasuke's fireball. We were still in the relatively large bathroom after all.

"It's what you thought, wasn't it?" he asked frostily.

"I never thought any less of you," I offered, even as he continued to attack.

"Don't _lie_."

I could taste the familiar coppery flavour of my blood after a sharp blow to the head had me falling backward. I'd long since stopped my own attacks, deciding to just try block his.

"I _never_ laughed," I insisted.

"You _let_ me make a fool of myself."

I admit, it kinda creeped me out the way he didn't raise his voice, the way he stated the nonsense he thought as if it were the truth.

I tried again. "You were never-"

"You read my most private thoughts-"

Punch. Block. Kick.

"- and amused yourself with my _failures_."

"I didn't-"

"You _pitied_ me."

"Sasuke-"

"I _hate_ you."

The words, more than the punch to my gut, had me frozen before I fell to the tiled floor.

He quickly straddled me and punched and punched and _punched_.

And I let him.

I felt his pain but even more than the fact that he thought I'd ever enjoy watching him suffer, even more than the fact that he thought I was that horrible a person…was the fact that I had my own pain now.

He hated me.

It hurt.

He was the one I ran after for all those years. He was the one I was willing to risk my life for. He was the one I had formed my first bond with.

He was my best friend.

And he hated me.

I looked up at him emptily as the pain mingled with the hurt.

He froze, his fist stopping mid-air.

He looked confused for a moment, like he wasn't sure why I wasn't fighting back.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

I didn't hear him, not really anyway. I just wanted him to keep hitting me; I didn't want the pain to end. It was strange because in that moment, if he killed me, I would have been glad. I welcomed death. I _wanted_ him to kill me, cause if he hated me, it was all the same if I were.

"Hit me."

"What?" he asked, lowering his fist.

My whole body hurt.

"Hit me…" I smiled ruefully. "Don't stop till your hate is gone. It won't be enough but maybe one day… Maybe one day it will."

He looked _really_ confused now.

"I can take it. Hit me."

"Naruto-"

"If you hate me, just go ahead and hit me."

He said nothing.

"_Please_." I shut my eyes, thinking maybe he would do it then. Maybe my constant staring while he thrashed me was unnerving. Goodness forbid he should be unnerved while he beats the crap out of me.

The same phrase kept running through my head, dead and heavy. _Sasuke hates me_.

Sasuke hates me. Just like the number of villagers who still hold me accountable for Kyuubi's actions all those years ago.

He was just like them.

Foolish of me really, I thought brokenly, to have believed I had a best friend in him. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried to kill me quite a few times already to break the bond and show me just how little I meant to him.

I was an idiot, just like he'd always said.

I felt Sasuke's weight move off me in an instant and opened my eyes to find warm brown eyes staring at me.

"Kyuubi?"

It was a great shame to me that my voice cracked alittle.

The fox didn't speak. He simply drew me close to him and carried me to my room. Once he laid me on my bed, I felt him press one of his tails to my forehead and push a small amount of chakra in. It calmed me and I fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**(I am a funny page break. Laugh damn you)**

Kyuubi had learned many things in his life as a hulking, terrifying beast.

He had learned that humans were complex and irrational beings that really had no place in the universe except to disrupt the lives of worthwhile existences much like his own.

In the centuries he had roamed the world, he had discovered two other important things.

Uchihas were unrepentant and had a section of their brain that actively prevented apologies from forming.

He'd intervened in the two idiot's fight because Sasuke was hurting Naruto- not physically- well, okay _yeah_, physically too but mostly, he was hurting him in ways Kyuubi had fought to prevent the blond from being hurt.

During his imprisonment in Naruto, Kyuubi had formed an unlikely bond with the blond kid and had tried time and time again to put him down because it was just so easy. But then, Naruto had never had anyone to defend him- and there was definitely no way he could defend himself from a demon he was holding.

Watching the villagers ignore him and give him wary, angry glances, Naruto had known that he was bad. It was the only thing that had made sense to him. He must have been a bad child because no one wanted him. Everyone he knew had a family but all he had was the occasional visit from the Hokage and his landlord, the latter being a miserable old lady who never stayed too long and always threatened to throw him out if he kept being so noisy- even though no one else lived in his building.

Kyuubi had been disgusted with the way the villagers treated Naruto. He could understand _his_ need to hate the boy because he was _trapped_ inside him but they had been saved by him, no matter how unknowingly, and they chose to disregard that and treat him like he was Kyuubi himself.

Naruto spent his eighth birthday watching the festival that Konoha celebrated to signify the defeat of Kyuubi.

He sat in the dirt on top of the Hokage mountains and drew a cake in the dirt with eight candles. He'd seen that families did that for each other.

That was the day Kyuubi decided to give Naruto a break. If he had no one else to stand up for him, he'd at least learn to stand up for himself.

And so, Kyuubi had started to talk to Naruto, grudgingly at first but then, the boy seemed to be surprisingly bright, picking up on things Kyuubi would never have suspected he'd learn fast.

But he'd been forced to be slower when he'd told the Third that he wanted to be a ninja and joined the academy. People hadn't been happy about that but Kyuubi knew they were probably hoping he'd either be useful in battle or die in battle- either way would have been a blessing to them.

So he'd instructed Naruto on how to act but the silly child had ignored him and decided to become loud, obnoxious and declaring friendship and his dream to be Hokage. While Kyuubi approved of his aspirations to power, the way he went about it wasn't at all appealing.

Then Naruto had ordered him to give him power- _ordered_ him, the most powerful tailed beast in the land, to give him power cause he was his vessel.

Kyuubi had been both miffed and impressed but from then on, their conversations had changed. They argued more and traded insults but it was without malice. To Naruto, Kyuubi was as good as family.

And when the Uchiha had sprung up and made Naruto want his acknowledgement, Kyuubi might have been just a tad bit jealous of the bond they were forming even though they were both imbeciles about the whole thing.

And now, Kyuubi slammed Sasuke into the wall, _now_ the Uchiha seemed to have conveniently forgotten the hell Naruto had gone through all for him. He'd thrown Sasuke off Naruto when it was obvious the blond had decided not to defend himself.

"You hurt him."

Sasuke instantly looked angry. "He-"

"He has been nothing but good to you. And yet, you _always_ hurt him."

Sasuke was silent. He'd never seen Kyuubi lose his cool even once those past three weeks- not even when Lee had tried to cuddle him.

"That boy trusted you and you just went and treated him like trash. I expected more from you."

Sasuke blinked. "What about you?"

Kyuubi turned hard brown eyes on him and he glared hard.

"You knew what had happened to him to turn him into a fox but you came he and pretended to be him," Sasuke accused.

Kyuubi snorted. "Like he'd expect any less from me," he grinned sadistically. "Unlike you Uchiha, in case you hadn't noticed, I came back _for him_."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "If-"

"Why else would I have bothered returning here, following him all the way to your bloody compound? Why would I have provoked him to know I was an imposter? Why would I have stayed when I was perfectly capable of escaping and living my own life, free of him?"

"Because you'd have been without your power."

Kyuubi laughed dryly. "I still had enough power to level this village and take over few others. You underestimate Naruto. His body, his innate power, do _not_ complement mine. That should tell you a lot about us. Even separate from me, his capable of much more than you give him credit for and for the life of me, I cannot understand why he bothers with Konoha."

Sasuke eyed him warily. "What are you saying?"  
"I'm saying you should watch your back. I'm saying that I'd kill you in a heartbeat if it wasn't for Naruto. I'm saying I don't _like_ you."

Sasuke felt a sharp pain run down his back as Kyuubi pressed him further into the wall with his paws.

"If you hurt him again, I'll see to it that it will be the last time."

With that, Kyuubi let Sasuke loose and walked away.

He had things to do.

**(I am a foxy page break. Rawr)**

When I woke up, I felt calm and nothing like the wreck I'd been before.

I supposed I had Kyuubi to thank for that.

I stretched and looked around, making sure I was alone before I stroked my tails and rubbed my face into them. They really_ were_ cute.

I sighed and decided to face the music.

Technically, we were all still under house arrest so I'd have to face Sasuke _sometime_.

I stalked into our makeshift kitchen area- cause Tsunade was serious about room service- and saw a bowl of ramen sitting on the table.

I rushed forward and saw a slip of paper right next to it.

'_Enjoy, idiot'._

I smiled.

Far be it from Sasuke to apologise like a normal person- my smile faded- but that didn't change anything.

Kyuubi wasn't around but I figured they must have both just been in their rooms. There was nowhere else they _could_ be.

"Naruto!"

I looked up. "Oh, Kyuu, wha-"

The ground shook and I threw myself to the ground, pulling out a kunai from my ever-present hoister.

Kyuubi rushed forward and pushed me out of the way as a part of the ceiling fell where I'd been crouched.

What the hell was going on?

I stilled. "Where's Sasuke?"

Kyuubi didn't answer. He just dragged me out of the room and threw me into the lounge. Abruptly, the tremors stopped and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What's going on?"

He growled low in his throat and nodded to the wall.

There was writing on it. In what looked like blood.

"Come to the torture division, demon," I read. "I have Sasuke."

I ran to a window and jumped out, sure that Kyuubi was following.

"Who is it?" I asked, as we moved.

"Danzou..."

"How did he get in? Why did he take Sasuke? What is he-"

"Calm down."

For once, I listened to Kyuubi. I had to be calm about this; otherwise I doubted either Sasuke or me would get out alive and unbonded to the old guy.

And he would have us in the torture division.

I made clones and sent them to Tsunade, Kakashi and Sakura, praying they'd get to them in time. If I failed to get Sasuke out, I had no doubt Danzou would use his status as a council member to convince them that Sasuke's death had been necessary or that I had killed him and then myself in an insane demon moment.

I shivered as pushed faster.

I would save Sasuke. I _had_ to.

Cause even if he hated me, I couldn't imagine him not being here. I couldn't live in a world where he didn't exist.

Strangling all formations of the L-word that weren't to do with lesbians, I landed in front of the Konoha Torture Division building, near the edge of the village.

Danzou was waiting.

He bowed.

"Naruto, Kyuubi… Welcome."

We ignored his pleasantries.

"Where's Sasuke?" I asked, voice hard.

He smiled and then, it wavered as he felt my killing intent.

Someone here was going to have to die.

I hoped he knew that.

x-x

**A/N: Oh, look at that, I added angst. Dammit, I'm **_**so**_** sorry.**

**Anyway, two more chapters and this story will be done. That is, the next chapter and an epilogue. Also, I feel the need to warn you that there is a sequel. No, it will not be like the Jurassic park sequels which really, were kind of pointless.**

**Review Reply**

**PuppetMaster55: **You searched for it? Really? Huzzah! Yay, I have high(er) highlights! And to think I had no idea I was even getting my hair done… I know you didn't wait too long for this update. Thanks for the compliments *blushing* marry me?

**Jetsonastro24: **You broke the 3 button! Feel my wrath! Sarcasm is a very important life lesson. They should really teach it in school. Thanks for the reviews :)

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**Jessmess; **I'm glad XD Collecting asses is a hobby of mine so I'll just add yours to the pile. Hey! Naruto _is_ the shizz! Patience is a virtue. Ask hurriedly for some.

**Maxridelover: **You know the fic isn't over yet, right? Thanks. Ass kicking is also a virtue of mine…

**Piratepenguin666: **I command you to stop laughing! It's serious all the time! Two more chapters to go. Probably long though… Last chapter and an epilogue before a sequel... Hope you don't mind.

**Neko no Sikaha: **Pog mo fhon! Yay! I now declare myself Irish. Thanks for all the reviews.

Sasuke's tail is glaring at you right now. Yeah, I guess I may have run out of humour *cries* I'm so SORRYYYYYY! Cube-y sounds like Kyuubi huh? Wait, yes, it does! Cool.

Now, obviously he knows the Boobintosh because it is a well known brand of computer bosom.

**Hela: **Yeah, don't cry. I'll update soon (fingers crossed)

**Popette: **My epic humour suffered from cancerous angst unfortunately. I apologise. Insulting complimentsare the best compliments out there!

**Mu149: **Thanks for _all_ the reviews XD My story has a climax *pervy grin….then someone explains literary climaxes* er…oh. I knew that. I updated! Look! Yay, a thousand reviews _would_ cheer me up…angst creeping into the fic is probably cause of my non-cheered-up-ed-ness… (that is so totally a word). *Random guy runs away* yeah, I think it was him too. Sasu-chan? *chuckles* hehe…sasu-chan… *sigh* no, mu, you can _not_ press more than one button. Ah yes, the TOTE (Take over the Earth) club is very exclusive with its members so how the hell did you get in? I could have _sworn_ I saw the big guy at the front toss you out on your ass. Hmm…

**.x: **Thanks for the reviews…and compliments. Those are my two favourite things! (as of right now) :DI will update (as soon as I can. Maybe. I hope. It's definitely possible) Yay, death by suspense!

**LLAMAS WILL RULE THE WORLD: **I dunno. I was kinda hoping bunnies were on the world domination wagon. Llamas spit too much for me. Sorry about the paragraph thingies. I tend to separate thoughts or lines of thought as separate paragraphs- whether the thought is just one sentence. Thanks though :3

**PearLite: **First, thanks for the reviews :) heehee, huggles from Sasuke.

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**BloodKitsune11: **Well, if you don't want it to be yaoi, that'll be hard as I kinda put 'sasunaru' up so…yeah. However, seeing as how I haven't exactly smexed it up yet, you can live in blissful ignorance and avoid any lemon I may include. Or you may even end it on chapter 10, lol… But yeah, I'm sorry if I misled you with a lack of yaoi- it is.

**XxKageTenshixX: **You _must_ stop killing and torturing (in that order?) people in your head! It's just not polite. Do it for real. HA! You…you…_conclusion-rusher_! For jutsus that bring back the dead, refer to the Orochimaru 'he's all that' manual. Kyuubi has six tails because Naruto has two and Sasuke has one (which adds up to nine. Yes, I am a math genius)

**Juura99: **Konoha village has a sign showing *Risk of attacking chairs* so really, Kiba should have seen it coming… yes, an extra cookie! Man, I'm awesome, I made you _like _Danzou? How cool am I? Yeah, irking Sai is a bad, _bad_ idea… You cyber-stalker! Respect? HA! LIES! Hey, that _is_ a good looking cloud! How did I not notice it before? I do love your sound effects, they're very impressive. Stop perving like Jiraiya! It's wrong! How dare you tell me to update? Did _you_ update? I haven't checked my e-mails in ages so I'll have to check for your fic. Mmm…chocolate… OOH! A LLAMA! I have a giraffe in mine *gloating*

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	13. An Unlikely Romance

**An Unlikely Romance**

by Rizember

**x-**x

**Chapter 13: An Unlikely Romance**

**x-x**

**For everyone who's stuck with this fic this long**

**Thank you.**

**x-x**

**And for the people who were always on my case about not finishing fics...**

**IN YOUR FACES!**

x-x

**A/N: Narrator's POV (i.e. no more first person POV. This can be considered the LAST CHAPTER)**

**Also, after writing this chapter, I realised that my writing does indeed border on crack. Weird.**

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Beta'ed by: [UnBeta'ed. For now]

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_**Previously**__: I ran to a window and jumped out, sure that Kyuubi was following. _

"_Who is it?" I asked, as we moved._

"_Danzou..."_

"_How did he get in? Why did he take Sasuke? What is he-"_

"_Calm down."_

_For once, I listened to Kyuubi. I had to be calm about this; otherwise I doubted either Sasuke or me would get out alive and unbonded to the old guy. _

_And he would have us in the torture division._

_I made clones and sent them to Tsunade, Kakashi and Sakura, praying they'd get to them in time. If I failed to get Sasuke out, I had no doubt Danzou would use his status as a council member to convince them that Sasuke's death had been necessary or that I had killed him and then myself in an insane demon moment._

_I shivered as pushed faster._

_I would save Sasuke. I had to._

_Cause even if he hated me, I couldn't imagine him not being here. I couldn't live in a world where he didn't exist._

_Strangling all formations of the L-word that weren't to do with lesbians, I landed in front of the Konoha Torture Division building, near the edge of the village._

_Danzou was waiting._

_He bowed._

"_Naruto, Kyuubi… Welcome."_

_We ignored his pleasantries._

"_Where's Sasuke?" I asked, voice hard._

_He smiled and then, it wavered as he felt my killing intent._

_Someone here was going to have to die._

_I hoped he knew that._

x-x

Danzou had been aware that Naruto was powerful and he was positive the Uchiha and fox were even more so. It was for those reasons that he had to have them under his power and if not, well…he wouldn't be one to complain about their deaths.

To that end, he had considered simply locking Naruto, Sasuke and Kyuubi in the building and setting the place on fire but decided against that as the smoke wasn't good for his lungs.

Danzou had studied the Fourth's sealing jutsu and knew that only an exceptional chakra system would accept the Kyuubi. So when Naruto directed his killing intent on him, he hadn't been surprised, he'd been expecting that. What _was_ surprising however, was the amount of pressure he felt weakening his resolve, almost pushing him to his knees.

It was with great effort that he stayed standing and lifted a hand, inviting Naruto and Kyuubi into the Torture Division building.

Sasuke was tied to a torture table and apart from the feeling of déjà vu that confirmed that yes, this _had_ actually happened before- three weeks ago to be exact- he was furious that it was the exact same torture table as last time. Unless torture tables all just happened to smell like pine cones… To add salt to his injured pride, he was also gagged and the cloth tasted awful, like Danzou had run out of gag cloths and had improvised with a sweaty sock.

Naruto had to admit, Sasuke tied up like that was kind of hot. He wondered if Sasuke was the kind to be into bondage and-

_Bad Naruto! Get your brain out of Sasuke's pant. Hm... Sasuke's pants. Maybe he goes commando?_

Kyuubi shot Naruto a curious look as the blond's tails wagged pleasantly behind him. The traitors. Naruto coughed, turning away from Kyuubi and surreptitiously wiping away his drool.

When Sasuke saw Danzou lead Naruto and Kyuubi in, he was more furious than embarrassed. He felt overwhelmed by rage and vaguely felt, for a moment, like it was not his own. His chakra pulsed and the next moment, the room was alight with lightning from his full body chidori.

When the flashes were done, Danzou sighed, looking at Naruto and Kyuubi. "He's been doing that a lot. It's really quite irritating considering it's just a light show."

Sasuke looked murderous, his eyes narrowing at Danzou, clearly stating that as soon as he got free, he'd shove his _light show_ somewhere Danzou might appreciate it better.

"I think he might be a tad miffed," Danzou said pleasantly.

Naruto and Kyuubi looked at him like he was insane.

He probably was.

Torture chamber number 4, specifically chosen for Sasuke, was large and had great acoustics.

Danzou was sure that Sasuke would want to hear the echoes of his cries and know that there was nothing anyone could do to save him. In the event that he even _wanted_ to be saved… Most people just decided that life certainly wasn't worth all their years of trouble and tried to die as quickly as they could just to move it along.

Kidnapping Sasuke had been almost relatively easy considering he was an Uchiha- no matter how distracted he'd been. Danzou's Anbu had simply followed the Uchiha when he'd snuck away from Tsunade's guards to go buy Naruto ramen – cause _really_, who else would he be getting it for?- and when he'd left it, they'd quite easily ambushed him.

Okay, so it wasn't _easy_ to ambush him considering he'd killed five of Danzou's men before nine of them finally managed to restrain him by faking an attack on Naruto but _still_ it was an accomplishment.

And the Kyuubi had been there to fall for the same trick.

Danzou had them take Sasuke into the torture division without being seen and the Uchiha had been tied to the newest torture tables that Danzou had recently approved of. Being the leader of Root had it perks.

Still, he was somewhat wary of his capture of the Uchiha considering all the trouble Sasuke had caused in his past battles. Orochimaru had been defeated- but while he was weak, and Itachi, well, Itachi was still alive somewhere but the carnage he and Sasuke had managed to do to one of the old Uchiha homesteads was spectacular. If Naruto hadn't interfered, maybe Danzou would have been lucky enough to know the true extent of Sasuke's powers.

Except for now. Now, with every waste of chakra that Sasuke was doing by chidori-ing all over the place, Danzou was starting to wonder about Sasuke.

Naruto's growling caught his attention. "Either you're really confident in your ability to fight us, old man, or you're really, _really_ stupid."

Danzou chuckled. He supposed that the room being void of any Root Anbu would seem highly presumptuous on his part but he wasn't _that _cocky.

"Before you try to attack me," he said, raising his hand in what was obviously a signal. "I'd like you to meet someone."

Naruto and Kyuubi found themselves facing a giant of a man with scars across his face, horribly disfiguring him. His skin was dark and rough and he resembled Ibiki slightly. Maybe he was a close relative.

Scarface had small, shifty eyes and had them narrowed and concentrated on Naruto and Kyuubi.

This hulking brute of a man would have instilled fear in any ninja, considering his chakra was immense and they could easily feel his killing intent- the kind belonging to someone who simply enjoyed killing because they were cool like that. His eyes bulged in obvious craziness and his teeth were sharpened and shark-like.

The only thing Naruto and Kyuubi seemed to be taking in however, was the fact that the man was slobbering.

"Is he alright?" Naruto asked in a hushed tone.

Kyuubi snorted. "I really doubt it."

"Why is he drooling?"

"Maybe thinks you're hot?"

Danzou huffed. "If you're done making fun of my lackey, maybe you'd like to get down to business."  
"Business?" Kyuubi asked in a bored tone. "Would that involve the three of us becoming your puppets?"

"'Puppets' is such a derogatory word. I prefer _pawns_."

"You _do_ realise your world domination plans might start a war and end up killing a lot of people, don't you?" Naruto enquired.

Danzou shrugged. "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."

Naruto rolled his eyes at that.

Did Danzou really think they'd let him just take control of them like that?

He supposed evil masterminds were always a few pieces of string short of a fuse but then again, Danzou seemed to have planned this carelessly. Surely he should have brought more than just one slobbering goon to fight them if he were trying to get them onto the table next to Sasuke. And weren't there other people needed to start the jutsu?

"How about," Naruto started, looking at Kyuubi. "I take the big guy and you kill Danzou."

Kyuubi glanced at Danzou. "The old man covered in bandages and about to die from a weak heart? No freakin way! Why should you get all the fun?"

"This isn't about fun," Naruto sighed. "We're here to rescue Sasuke."

"Yes, yes, that's nice. Then you take the mummy and _I'll_ fight Brutus over here."

Naruto huffed. "Fine."

Before either of them could move however, Scarface was in front of them, fists rushing toward them. Naruto and Kyuubi blinked at him from the safety of the other side of the room.

"He's fast," Naruto said, impressed. Very few people could keep up with him.

"Thank you for pointing that out," Kyuubi said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Scarface turned to them and grinned a creepy, drooling grin.

"Ugh," Naruto grimaced, dodging as Scarface once again appeared in front of them and swung.

"He's got a one track mind, hasn't he?" Kyuubi snorted.

"GUH!" The man screamed, lunging at them again.

"It speaks," Naruto muttered, by Sasuke's side, grabbing kutsaragi and leaving Sasuke still tied up.

"Those were words? You sure?" Kyuubi asked, stretching.

Danzou sighed, unamused by their commentary. "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really _is_ an idiot. A strong one."

Naruto shrugged and sprung into the air, flipping and swinging kutsaragi at Scarface. He let out a vicious howl as his arm was cut and blood splattered Naruto.

But the cut healed the next second and he charged again, apparently not afraid of the obviously dangerous sword in Naruto's hand.

Danzou chuckled. "He doesn't know the meaning of fear."  
"I have a feeling he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."

"That was uncalled for," Danzou admonished.

Naruto ducked a fist, wondering what the hell Kyuubi was doing.

"Need help?" Kyuubi asked innocently, a smirk clear in his voice. Naruto turned to retort and groaned as a fist connected brutally with his side. He was thrown halfway across the room.

Staring at the ceiling, he growled. "Kyuubi, I'll kill you."

He moved just before a large foot would have flattened his face.

A startled sound had Naruto turning. Chakra ropes had grabbed onto Kyuubi from an empty torture table. They tightened and dragged the resisting fox onto the table.

Kyuubi struggled the whole way there and Naruto rolled his eyes. Just great.

Scarface ran toward him and Naruto thought fast even as he blocked and dodged. Obviously cutting him up was useless when he had rapid regeneration. The only way to finish him would be to kill him off in one fell swoop. But that would be kind of difficult without a distraction. If another one of Danzou's lecherous tables grew chakra ropes like tentacles and drew him in, they'd all be done for.

Where the hell were the others?

Naruto felt the hazy sting that meant that his clones had been offed and all before they'd reached their destinations.

Shit.

Well, he was Naruto Uzumaki and damn it he could totally handle this!

He made the necessary hand signals for his clones and jumped out of the way, leaving the thousand clones to deal with the big guy.

Although, that many clones kinda meant the room was crowded but whatever.

Naruto took the opportunity to swim through his clones to Sasuke and slash at the ropes with kutsaragi.

Danzou watched, looking thoroughly irritated, surrounded by yapping clones.

Sasuke pulled out the gag and grimaced, spitting before he stood up straight and grabbed kutsaragi from Naruto, raw fury clear in his eyes.

Naruto felt his groin tighten at the sight and swore.

Groaning, the blond leaned forward and placed his lips lightly onto Sasuke's.

Every other pair of eyes in the room, clones included, widened at that.

"I missed something, didn't I?" Danzou whispered to Kyuubi who just nodded.

Naruto stepped away from Sasuke, looking both smug and wary.

Sasuke glared hard at Naruto. "What the fuck was _that_?"  
"A kiss, Sasuke," Naruto answered nonchalantly, his insides churning at Sasuke's possible reaction. "All your years of ass-kissing should have taught you that."

"You _little-_"

Naruto just grinned mockingly at him. "You can have more later."

Sasuke, in answer, let a charge of lightning burn the chakra ropes he'd been attached to and gave Naruto a dark look that said that that would be _him_ next time.

Naruto took in the burned ropes and then glared at Sasuke.

"You mean you could have gotten loose _this whole time_?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged. "I'm a ninja. Besides," he nodded at the ceiling. "I wanted to see if that asshole would do anything to help."

Naruto looked up and scowled. "What the-"

Itachi was on the ceiling smiling down at both of them, looking like he'd been there the whole time and looking like he was clearly not useful.

They both decided it would be in their best interests to pretend he wasn't there.

Naruto sighed, "Okay then. Here's the plan. We are not going to stop, pause, hesitate, negotiate, postpone or soften our single goal of killing Danzou to allow for any counterattack coming our way."

Sasuke snorted. "When did we decide this?"  
"Just now."

Sasuke chuckled and grabbed Naruto, slamming him hard into the wall.

"What the-"

Sasuke's lips effectively shut off all verbal communication as he pressed his body to Naruto's.

Naruto, shocked as he was, gaped and provided Sasuke the perfect opportunity to run his tongue into Naruto's mouth and thoroughly kiss him within an inch of his life. Naruto grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer, groaning as he kissed back just as passionately.

Sasuke's abruptly pulled away and Naruto was left out of breath and lust-filled.

Sasuke smirked. "_That_ was a kiss. Not that half-assed lip thing you did earlier."

"_Lip thing_?" Naruto sputtered indignantly.

"No time to argue," Sasuke said maturely. "We have people to kill."

The clones had now lessened greatly in number and were being pounded thoroughly by the big guy.

"Can't they rasengan him?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto shook his head. "He'd just heal."

"Mm."

Naruto nodded and dispelled the rest of the clones, having grown tired of pain that he felt every time one returned to him.

No point passing out before an awesome battle.

"Kutsaragi can cut through him and a few kunai my clones used did as well so his skin isn't toughened or anything," Naruto said quickly as the giant looked about him, confused as to where all his clobber targets had gone.

"So we slice him up?"

"Aim for the heart. Do it quick. He shouldn't be able to regenerate if he's dead."

"And what will you be doing while I fight?"

"Cheerleading?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and Naruto ran toward Scarface, successfully distracting the man. He landed a hit to the guy's face and swore as his hand felt like he'd broken it.

Thank goodness he could heal fast, too.

Naruto's eyes widened as the man did familiar-looking hand seals and-

"Seriously?"

A clone of Scarface grinned at the original and turned to face Naruto, leaving the other to Sasuke.

"Wonderful."

The man seemed to have at least half a brain. He blocked Sasuke's hits with his hands, even if it got him cut. But he protected his chest at all costs.

In frustration, Sasuke swung at his hand and the giant grabbed the sword, holding onto it long enough to throw Sasuke off balance and punch him in the gut before the sword cut through his hand.

Taking in a deep, painful breath, Sasuke glanced at Naruto who was taking his time, dodging and not attacking at all, seemingly confident that Sasuke would kill the guy and the clone would just vanish.

"That self-centred asshole," Sasuke hissed, glaring at Naruto who caught his eye and winked.

Sasuke sighed and got up. When the big idiot swung his hand and grabbed Sasuke, Sasuke smirked and lit his whole body with a full-body chidori.

The giant screamed but didn't let go of Sasuke. His clone across the room vanished and Naruto smiled at Sasuke.

Sasuke formed a lightning sword and was about to pierce the man's heart with it and kill him when suddenly the guy fell forward, dead.

Sasuke landed gracefully and stared.

Itachi yawned as eh pulled the blade from the man's back and sheathed it. He'd pierced through to the guy's heart from the looks of it. Itachi turned and smirked at Sasuke.

"You're welcome."

"For what?" Sasuke protested indignantly, the fur on his dark tail standing on end. "I was about to kill him! I'd _just_ weakened him!"

"Sure you did."

"Tell him Naruto!"

Naruto sighed, walking toward them. "Itachi, quit taunting Sasuke. He weakened him."

"Fine, you weakened him," Itachi shrugged and turned toward Danzou. "I really should kill you."

Danzou's retort was interrupted by Sasuke grumbling. "I'll take care of him, Itachi. You go somewhere and drink some prune juice or something."  
Itachi gaped. "Did you just imply that I'm _old_?" he turned to Naruto. "Seriously?"

Danzou shifted impatiently.

"I mean," Itachi continued, clearly affronted. "I'm nowhere near as old as _that_ decrepit old fossil-" here he pointed at Danzou. "-and I have the skin of a-"

"ENOUGH!" Danzou shouted, his hands going to his bandages. "I will have-"

"Uh," Naruto squirmed.

Danzou frowned at being interrupted. "What?"  
"I really need to use your bathroom."  
"But we're about to start a battle here."

"Yeah but-"

"Fine," Danzou scowled. "Down the hall, first door to the right. You'll see a sign that says 'Men'. Pay no heed to it. Go right on in."

Naruto held himself back from giving Danzou the finger. Kyuubi had once said the man was courteous and not one to go back on his word so maybe it was best he get his pee out of the way before he started any fights.

When Naruto got back, he found Danzou and Itachi sparring evenly with their swords. It didn't look like they were even trying.

Sasuke was sitting on a torture table, talking to Kyuubi. Naruto noticed the chakra ropes around the fox had been cut.

"I'm back," he announced.

"Did you remember to wash your hands?" Danzou inquired imperiously.

"Smug sonovabitch," Naruto said under his breath after nodding.

Danzou grinned and swung his sword, twisting it at the last minute and disarming Itachi.

"Well, let's get on with this."

Naruto stood by Itachi and Sasuke and Kyuubi and they faced Danzou, surrounding him. Four against an old man. It hardly seemed fair.

"Maybe I should sit this one out," Kyuubi said, stepping back.

"You might want to take a moment to clear your heads of your imagined victory," Danzou smirked.

His grin turned malicious as green chakra erupted from his body. The bandages burned away, revealing-

"Sharingans?"

Naruto felt bile rise up his throat from thinking about the origins of all those Sharingans. There were five along Danzou's one arm and one where his other eye was, kind of like Kakashi.

"That's disgusting," Naruto choked out.

Itachi snorted. "So what? You have a bunch of Sharingan eyes? So do we."

"Okay, you know what? That's some selfish shit cause _I_ don't have any," Naruto grumbled.

"You're with us," Sasuke sighed. "You're counted in the '_we'_."

"Hurray."

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"You can't control us with those," Itachi pointed out to Danzou. "Or use them against us successfully."

Danzou laughed. "No, not you I suppose."

Sasuke stepped protectively in front of Naruto and Danzou snorted.

"Not _him_."

Before they could ask him to get to the damn point, Danzou's Sharingans swirled and they heard a low growl.

"Aw _crap_."

"Indeed."

Naruto rushed toward Kyuubi while Itachi charged at Danzou but it was too late. Danzou's triumphant smirk as he vanished was enough to let him know that he'd done at least _part _of what he'd wanted.

Kyuubi fell to the ground.

"This isn't good," Sasuke whispered.

"Wow, nothing gets passed you Sharingans users huh?" Naruto quipped, running his hands over Kyuubi and searching for possible wounds. "Is he under a genjutsu? What's happening?"

Kyuubi fell against Naruto when he tried to stand, letting out soft whimpering sounds. Red chakra was leaking from the black fox's body and steadily flowing out.

Naruto grabbed him and held on. "Are you alright? Kyuubi! What did Danzou do to-"

"Get away from me."

Naruto blinked at the harsh tone. "But Kyuu-"

Kyuubi shoved Naruto away with his tails and struggled to stand. "You all need to leave. Now."

"But-"

Itachi grabbed Naruto and nodded to Sasuke. "We can't stay."

They Body Flickered and were out a few seconds when there was an explosion.

Itachi scowled at the ruins of the torture division.

Naruto shoved Itachi away, running toward the building.

"KYUUBI!"

A red light shone brightly into the sky and the three of them stopped short.

"Naruto, get back!" Itachi called.

Naruto ignored him, staring at the sight before him.

Kyuubi, with six tails swinging furiously was _gigantic_, stomping and destroying the last few buildings of the torture division.

"That was built last month," Itachi said, disapprovingly.

Sasuke and Itachi both sent him scathing looks and he held his hands up. "Sorry."

Kyuubi let out a loud, piercing howl and the three covered their ears, straining to stay standing by the force of it.

The rest of the village was, by now, obviously aware of what was going on and were screaming and running away accordingly.

Kyuubi was thrashing about as if in pain, destroying every building near him and letting out loud, powerful growls.

Anbu and ninja rushed toward them, weapons and jutsus in hand.

A short distance away, in a section not yet aware of Kyuubi's present appearance, Danzou smiled, leaning against the wall of a building. A man ran toward him to the gathered crowd.

"Run! Everybody RUN!"

Danzou, his bandages all back in place, stared calmly at him. "What's the matter?"

The man seemed to be convulsing as he struggled to talk.

"The Kyuubi! IT'S THE KYUUBI!" The man ran screaming through the streets.

Danzou smirked, jumping to the top of the building to watch the rampaging fox.

"Why yes, I do believe it is."

At the former torture division, Naruto was frantic.

Without thinking it through, Naruto made a thousand clones to block the ninjas rushing in.

"STAY BACK! DON'T ATTACK HIM!"

The ninjas debated whether or not they should listen to the jinchuuriki. After all, the giant rampaging fox _was_ his.

They hesitated. Naruto took that moment to run toward Kyuubi.

Kyuubi watched him, eyes red in anger and followed Naruto toward the outskirts of the village. Sasuke went after them after instructing Itachi to make sure no ninjas attacked Kyuubi.

Itachi looked at him like he was insane and sighed, nodding.

**(I am a Naruto page break. I can have boobs!)**

Naruto lead Kyuubi away from the village centre. Sasuke was right behind him but he paid no attention to the Uchiha.

When they finally reached the wall, Naruto ran up it, pushing himself off of it when Kyuubi smashed it.

He spun gracefully in the air and was intercepted by Sasuke, who let them both fall onto Kyuubi's back.

"What...what do I do?"

Sasuke looked at Naruto and felt his stomach churn at the unsure expression on Naruto's face.

"Talk to him."

Naruto nodded, climbing up Kyuubi's fur to his head and screaming at him.

"Kyuubi! Stop it, you _stupid_ fox!"

Kyuubi paused only for a moment before thrashing again.

At this rate, he was going to destroy the whole wall and then Konoha.

"Kyuubi," Naruto whispered, grabbing onto the fox. "Please, stop..."

Kyuubi ignored his soft pleas.

"OKAY THAT'S IT, YOU BETTER CALM THE FUCK DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that and then swore loudly And colourfully when Naruto jumped off Kyuubi and stood fearlessly in front of the pissed off demon.

Kyuubi growled low and glared at Naruto. Kyuubi raised its claw, ready to slash at Naruto.

"Fine," Naruto sighed. "Kill me."

Sasuke gaped. "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PLAN IS _THAT_?"

Kyuubi struck Naruto, hitting him with enough force to send him crashing into another side of the wall. Sasuke heard bones crack and lost it.

His mind descended into darkness and he appeared in front of Naruto, drawing Kyuubi's attention.

Kyuubi glared at him and Sasuke's sharingan spun.

"Mangekyou sharingan."

**(I am a super buff page break. See my sexy muscles)**

Naruto woke up in the hospital. Like he had done many times before.

Tsunade was standing over him and looking stern. Again, nothing new there.

Behind her, Sakura stood, _also_ looking thoroughly put off.

"Okay," Naruto sighed. "What happened _this_ time?"

He heard someone shift and looked at the side. Sasuke was on the bed beside his and Kyuubi was sitting on the floor between them. Thoughts of the battle, Danzou's evil bastardry and Kyuubi going nuts suddenly filtered into his brain.

"No wait, I remember. Explain everything I don't already know."

Kyuubi shifted, uncomfortably. "Danzou placed a jutsu on me. The same as Madara did…"

"To control you?"

Kyuubi shook his head. "No, he's not that powerful. He simply called on all my rage and…"

And let Kyuubi destroy Konoha. Naruto could figure that part out.

"And you, you utter _moron_," Sasuke hissed at Naruto. "Tried to get him to stop by getting yourself killed."

"Really?" Naruto asked, eyes wide.

"Yes," Sasuke answered dryly.

"Hm. I must have been desperate," Naruto said.

Kyuubi looked at Naruto, his shame spilling out. "I'm sorry. I hurt you. You could've been killed and-"

"Hey," Naruto smiled warmly. "Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have done that, you weren't yourself."

Kyuubi seemed to beat himself up about it though. "I still-"

"How did you stop?" Naruto interrupted. "You realised a world without my awesomeness would've been bad, right?"

Kyuubi snorted and nodded at Sasuke. "He stopped me."

Naruto turned wide, impressed eyes on Sasuke. "Seriously? How?"

"He used the Mangekyou sharingan," Tsunade said, jumping into the conversation. "And it could've killed _him_," she shot Sasuke a reproving look. "Using all that chakra was irresponsible. _Both _of you were _completely_ irresponsible! You could have _died_! Do you think death is a vacation? HUH? You think this is _funny_!"

Sasuke and Naruto bowed their heads, looking humbled and muttering, "Sorry."

"If it wasn't for Blondie and Baby Uchiha," Kyuubi piped in, trying to help. "I would have killed a lot of people."

Naruto and Sasuke both scowled at him.  
"No one died," Tsunade sighed. "No one was hurt at all, even though several buildings were destroyed. But," she sighed. "Your bond seems to have strengthened and completed, save for not having a master."

"What does that mean?" Naruto asked warily. "And how did it happen?"

". How it happened is still a mystery. It doesn't look like Danzou managed to even start the jutsu to complete it," Sakura offered. "And it means that you three are tied together for eternity. You will probably feel each others emotions and if you harness this power correctly, you can develop it so you can read each other's minds if need be."

"We can already feel each other's emotions," Naruto said. "Well, me and Kyuubi can. He's remorseful right now."

"And Sasuke?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke and chuckled. "Oh. Impatient. Think he wants to leave."

Sakura nodded, pleased with her theory being proven right. "But, if one of you dies, the others die as well."

"What?" Kyuubi sprung up. "Why?"

"The bond-"  
"But that's not fair! Do you know how careless these two fools are? We'll all be dead by lunchtime!"

Sasuke chuckled evilly. "It's almost four in the afternoon."  
"Then I'm lucky to have lived this long." Kyuubi sank to the floor with a muttered swear. "Now I'll have to babysit them all the time."

Tsunade sighed. "Yes well, maybe now you'll value your lives more until we can come up with a jutsu to reverse this."

Sasuke snorted. "So does this mean that Danzou failed to gain control over us?"

Tsunade nodded. "Yes, your frantic disregard for your own lives saved you from that, I would assume and permanently sealed off any further attempts at control. Ironic, isn't it?"  
They all made faces at her and she grinned smugly back at them.

There was a knock on the door and Shikamaru came in, followed closely by Neji and Hinata.

"Hokage," he bowed to Tsunade, handing her a scroll. "There's a problem."

Tsunade read the scroll and frowned. Her frown turned into a scowl and seemed to deepen with each line she read.

Finally, she handed the scroll back to Shikamaru, picked up a chair and threw it out the window with an angry shout. There was a yell of 'Hey!' as the chair crashed to the ground but no one paid it any mind. It sounded like Kiba.

"What's wrong?" Sakura asked when Tsunade took in a calming breath.

The Hokage turned to face Naruto and Kyuubi.

"You have been summoned by the people," Tsunade stated, her voice hard. "They won't listen to reason and Danzou has instilled unrest in their minds."

"What does that mean?" Sasuke asked, frowning.

"It means Naruto and Kyuubi will stand at a public trial and try defend themselves against the villagers," Sakura offered.

"And what happens if they fail?"

Sakura looked away.

"What will happen?" Naruto asked softly.

"If you fail, that is, if the village finds you guilty," Hinata said quietly. "You will be executed."

**(I am an Energizer bunny page break. I can go all night)**

The trial had been set that very day. A makeshift stage had been built right in front of the torture division. Someone obviously thought they were being funny.

Naruto, still bandaged up but completely healed, walked up onto the stage. Sasuke and Kyuubi followed him and there were several shouts from the crowd that had gathered.

Naruto saw most of the Konoha nine, team Gai, a few jounin and chuunin, as well as Konohamaru and his teammates, moving forward only to be stopped and surrounded by a large group of Anbu, all holding swords aimed at them. Sakura snorted at them and was ready to simply kill them if they wouldn't move but Naruto caught her eye and shook his head. Grudgingly, she stepped back and tugged Hinata and Kiba back along with her, as they had both drawn out their kunai, ready to shed a bit of blood for Naruto's sake. Kakashi looked dangerous and pissed off for once and Iruka was fidgeting but neither moved once Naruto made it clear not to do so. Itachi was observing the whole thing with a blank expression on his face.

Neji growled at an Anbu member and the man quickly shuffled, panicking but not backing away. No reason to agitate the Anbu Vice captain.

Every one of the people he loved and trusted was there, surrounded by the Anbu. Well, except for Sasuke and Kyuubi who were by his side and Tsunade, who was trying to defend him.

Sai was standing a short distance behind Danzou and when Naruto saw him frown, an honest expression that had never found a place on his face before, Naruto smiled reassuringly at him.

It was imperative that Sai remain a spy for Tsunade, no matter what happened to Naruto.

After a short, brief glance, Sai nodded and moved his hand from his kunai, turning away from both Naruto and Danzou to face the agitated crowd. His hand twitched like he wanted to attack _them_.

They had probably irked him.

Naruto hid a smile and turned back to the crowd to pay attention.

This was his hearing after all.

Tsunade stood and glared at the villagers, letting her feelings be known.

"I do not approve of this but the law is the law. Danzou and the people versus Uzumaki Naruto and the Kyuubi… The people will act as judge as was stated in the 3rd's official constitution. I will advise you to judge wisely."

Tsunade moved away, barely hiding her scorn as Danzou moved forward.

"I am here to represent the case of the people who were hurt, injured and have suffered injustice because of the actions of the two accused before you."

Danzou went into a long rant about the Kyuubi and Naruto and the pain both were always causing.

Naruto sighed.

He could couldn't explain to the villagers that Danzou had caused Kyuubi's meltdown nor could he tell them about Danzou's plans. Many wouldn't believe him and the fact was, he had no proof. He could ask Danzou to un-bandage his arm but with all those sharingan eyes on him, the fact of the matter was that Danzou would probably try to control most of the villagers using them.

Whether he had Tsunade's supports or even a large group of ninjas, Naruto was sure that he wouldn't be found innocent. The villagers would just believe they were in cahoots with the jinchuuriki and his demon.

Danzou neared the end of his speech, his voice rising accordingly before he stopped, thanked them for listening and stepped back.

It was obvious what the people would choose. Some were already shouting for his head and really, Naruto was rather attached to it. In any case, he couldn't let them kill him for the simple fact that Sasuke and Kyuubi would die, too.

Naruto looked at the villagers and stepped forward once Danzou was done. Feeling malicious pleasure at sensing their fear, he removed the genjutsu over his tails and let them show.

The people's outraged gasps changed and they jeered and shouted.

Naruto figured that it was only the fact that Kyuubi was standing next to him that prevented them from throwing anything.

"I was once your hero," he said quietly when they had settled down. "I was willing to die for each and every one of you. You acknowledged me because of that and for that, I am grateful.

However, for as long as I could remember, before you saw fit to deign me as a tool for your battles, I was an outcast. I was a monster and a demon. You hated me without question, without hesitation and without doubt.

You never openly attacked me, only because there were laws against it. But I heard your words, your whispers, about how I would be better off dead… and it made me want to live. It made me want to make myself so invaluable to you that you would _wish_ for me to live, even if it was only so I could protect you.

I did everything in my power to become a hero for you.

I took down the remnants of the Akatsuki on my own…"

Sasuke frowned a little at that. He knew Naruto had been the one to bring down Kakuzu _and_ all the Peins and knowing Akatsuki's crazy members, it would not have been an easy task.

He could almost grudgingly suggest that maybe Naruto had surpassed him in power in that aspect but no one would get that suggestion out of him without some serious blackmail material on hand. Besides that, Sasuke had been away on a forced recovery mission from Tsunade (greatly hinted at by Naruto) during Konoha's attack and had only been back in time to help rebuild the village. He could have probably kicked butt if he'd been present.

"By becoming a sage as well as learning to control the Kyuubi's power, I took revenge on the lives lost to the Akatsuki but you never acknowledged that I had done that, simply that it was my fault in the first place as they wanted _me_. I grew strong enough to protect this village by myself and you simply believed that it was my duty, to make up for the deaths of people I didn't even kill.

Even Kyuubi was not responsible for the attack nineteen years ago-"

There were shouts, screams, people telling him to stop lying, people asking how he could defend the monster, people saying he was in league with the demon…

"-because he was being controlled by Madara Uchiha, who died as he was part of Akatsuki under the guise of Tobi..."

Murmurs broke out, softer then the previous shouts.

"I don't expect you to believe me. That would be too much. All I'm pointing out is that I was your hero when things were going well.

A hero would die for his village but he'd much rather live for it."

Naruto took a step back and bowed before adding, "You have rejected me for the last time." He pulled out a kunai and took off his headband. "As of this moment, I am no longer a ninja of Konoha."

With that, Naruto struck a long, clean gash across the Konoha insignia.

He knew they wouldn't fight him. Everything he'd said was true and if they tried to fight him, as he wasn't their ninja anymore, he'd be free to kill them.

If the verdict was to be execution, Naruto would gladly fulfil it. He winced inwardly at that. He didn't _hate_ the village, much, but if they tried to kill him, it was only fair that he return the favour.

Danzou stepped forward.

"It is with my greatest regret that I declare you an S-class missing Nin," he stated clearly. "Every ninja is under strict orders to kill you on sight if you are seen after today. Take what belongs to you and be gone by morning. You are hereby exiled from Konoha."

Naruto snorted but knew that that was the only way Danzou could save face, by making it seem like Naruto had no choice but to go.

Sasuke moved forward to protest but Kyuubi growled softly, warning him.

The villagers were pleased with Danzou's proclamation and were yelling at Tsunade for not taking the same action.

Konoha was divided.

Naruto nodded at his friends, who were all still being held back by Anbu, and Body Flickered.

**(I am a geeky page break. I play dungeons and dragons)**

Everyone Naruto cared about showed up at his apartment with food, drinks and other party things- almost as if they were sending him off on a vacation.

Tsunade told Naruto she'd arranged for him to live with Gaara until she sorted everything out so he could come back.

Naruto let her have her little fantasy. He was sure he wouldn't be coming back.

He finally asked them to leave so he could pack and sleep and after refusing offers of help, they left. Kyuubi was in Naruto's room, already asleep (throwing a demon tantrum was exhausting business).

Naruto stared at Sasuke who was seated on his couch, looking like he had every right to be there.  
"Er...aren't you leaving?"

Sasuke snorted. "I'm coming with you."

The silence that followed was unnervingly loud as Naruto's brain processed what Sasuke had said, analysing it for its meaning and then realizing it had no clue what was going on.

"Uh...what?"

Sasuke sat still and tried to let their still new bond speak for him, carrying his emotions to Naruto.

Loss, acceptance, desire…_something else they were both going to ignore..._

Naruto smiled and moved to sit next to Sasuke.

Sasuke offered a soft smile of his own and turned back to the TV, putting on a movie that looked like it had just started.

Naruto stared at Sasuke from the corner of his eye, completely ignoring the movie.

Sasuke was leaning back comfortably against the back of the couch. He had a relaxed expression on his face and the light was the TV was bouncing off his pale skin.

"What's wrong?"

Sasuke looked at Naruto worriedly.

Naruto shrugged and moved closer to Sasuke. He lay his head down in the brunet's lap, staring up at Sasuke and raising an eyebrow at him. "Is this okay?"

After a moment, Sasuke nodded and placed a hand in Naruto's hair, slowly running his fingers through the soft golden locks.

Naruto sighed in contentment and they both went back to watching the movie. Or making a very good show of it, anyway.

Sasuke was all too aware of the blond in his lap and Naruto was watching Sasuke too intently to even pretend he was interested in whatever woman was being rescued on the telly.

As if in a trance, Naruto raised one hand and traced Sasuke's jaw.

The raven blinked and looked down at Naruto, surprised but not at all discouraging.

Naruto smiled softly at him and if asked later, he would claim that smile was a jutsu.

Sasuke slowly leaned down just as Naruto raised his head..

Their lips met in a soft, slow languid kiss. The woman screamed for help on the screen as her attacker told her all about his dastardly plan but Naruto couldn't care less.

Now that Naruto could pay attention to all the little things, he took full advantage of it. The smell, the feel, the _taste_ of Sasuke was almost too much and he let out a long guttural moan.

Sasuke tasted like everything he'd assumed he would taste like; sweet, addictive and...wait...was that? Yes, it was. Sasuke was _even_ bastard flavoured.

The kiss deepened and yet, remained tender and lingering.

His hands ran into silky raven hair and he tugged until Sasuke made a small noise of protest and pulled away.

Naruto blinked, face red and breathing rushed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-"

Sasuke moved Naruto off his lap only to shift his body so he was lying on the couch with Naruto.

He kissed the blond again, one hand coming up to cup Naruto's cheek while the other wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer.

The kiss had definitely evolved from the gentle rubbish they'd been doing seconds before. Tongues duelled and bodies writhed. Naruto's tails moved forward and entwined themselves with Sasuke's. The feeling of that made them both shiver.

Hands started to wander and Naruto shivered when Sasuke traced his spine. Wanting to get more than the occasional groans from the brunet, he shifted up, his thigh pressing insistently against Sasuke's groin.

Sasuke moaned loudly into Naruto's mouth and Naruto grinned, before Sasuke exacted revenge by pressing his own thigh into Naruto hardened length and starting to rock shamelessly against him.

If that was how Sasuke liked his revenge then dammit Naruto would be an avenger, too!

Naruto licked a trail down Sasuke's throat before biting down harshly, marking him. Sasuke seemed to be into biting too, cause he moaned audibly and pulled Naruto back up to resume their scorching kisses.

The friction from their rocking- which quickly became _thrusting_- was egging them on. Moans, groans and frantic whispers filled the room (along with the evil laughter from the TV) and drove on their erratic movements.

Sasuke kissed Naruto hungrily, trying to wrap himself closer to the blond. Naruto obliged by wrapping his hands

They were so into the kissing and rutting they didn't realize all their moving meant they'd run out of couch and-

"_Ow, dammit_!" Sasuke groaned when his back connected with the floor.

"Well, there's nothing else to fall off of," Naruto chuckled before Sasuke shut him up with a kiss.

They were still both hard after all.

Naruto wondered for a moment if Sasuke realised that this made him gay but decided it was something he probably shouldn't bring up at the moment.

He placed his hands on Sasuke's waist and drove forward again and again. Beneath him, Sasuke moaned deeply, matching his pace to Naruto's.

Needing more, Naruto spun them so he was on the ground. He moved his legs to either side of Sasuke's hips and pulled Sasuke back down to him. The friction was _amazing_.

He felt Sasuke's cock pressed against his own harder and faster and he groaned, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's back and raising his hips off the floor in quick, sharp movements.

The kiss grew messy as their thrusts grew erratic. Naruto's shout was muffled by Sasuke's mouth right before Sasuke let out a keening groan of his own. They shuddered and shivered against each other, riding out their orgasms for as long as they could before sagging against each other.

"Wow," Naruto whispered, his forehead pressed against Sasuke's.

Sasuke tensed for just a moment before he relaxed. His hands slid over Naruto's clothed back and he smiled lazily.

Soft breath was on his lips and he shifted eagerly.

Naruto moaned softly and captured Sasuke's mouth in a searing kiss.

"Are you tired?" Sasuke whispered.

Naruto snorted in answer and smiled softly, taking Sasuke's hand in his. "Bed room?"  
It was a sign of the apocalypse that Sasuke nodded slowly, his eyes growing even darker with lust before he nodded.

**(I am a perverted stalker page break. I watch Sasuke sleep)**

Something woke Sasuke up.

He stretched sleepily, content to stay where he was but quickly, he realised something was wrong.

Naruto wasn't in the room.

He felt the sheets beside him, noting that it was still warm and that Naruto had probably just left to use the bathroom but unease grew in his mind.

Sasuke hurriedly pulled on a pair of shorts and scowled when he saw that it was still dark outside.

He walked down the stairs, using ninja stealth and found Naruto at the door, waiting for him. He could see Kyuubi sitting outside in front of the house and he growled low under his breath. Naruto was dressed and had a long cloak on.

"You were going to leave without me."

Naruto smiled sadly. "That was the plan, yes. But I suppose I decided I didn't want to not say goodbye."

Sasuke's heart was racing. "You're not leaving without me."  
"Sasuke-"  
"Please."  
The words were softly spoken but Naruto knew the pain and hurt they failed to hide. But he couldn't protect Sasuke. Danzou's capture had been proof of that and if Sasuke left with Naruto, he'd be targeted as well and taken as a missing nin. Again.

Naruto didn't want that. Sasuke had a future here. He could be happy. If Naruto was going to live like a felon, he didn't want Sasuke getting injured or captured or hurt because of him. And as long as Danzou didn't have Kyuubi or Naruto, he couldn't complete the control jutsu- if he even managed to find another way to do it considering he'd used his last try and failed.

Naruto frowned thoughtfully. Sasuke was important to him. He always had been and this was his way of protecting him- keeping him as far away as possible. It was the only way he would always be safe…and have the family and friends that Konoha could give him.

Naruto wouldn't delude himself into thinking Sasuke would always be with him and never change his mind. It was enough that he had wanted him last night. That was a memory he'd treasure forever.

But, he knew, if Sasuke asked him to take him- just one more time- he'd agree in a heartbeat.

"Konoha is your home, Sasuke." Naruto said calmly. "Not mine. I won't take it away from you."

"I'm coming with you. Naruto, I-"

The next moment, Naruto was right behind him and Sasuke was reminded of Sakura's attempt to make him stay.

Soft lips brushed the nape of his neck.

"I love you, Sasuke."

With that, he descended into darkness, only aware of Naruto's warmth leaving him.

x-x

**A/N: Oh snap, no lemon. Damn, sorry bout that. Oh well... shame.**

**Before you kill me about cliffies...*drum roll* THERE IS A SEQUEL! OUT NOW!**

**The Sequel is Door To December. Which will be uploaded after the first reviewer to this chapter requests it (whoever they may be and if they request it at all. If you don't see the sequel, then no request has been made)...so it's like I've given you TWO chapters! How awesome is that?**

**Read it and hope you like it.**

**x-x**

**Thanks for sticking with me this long. *takes a bow***

**x-x**

**Review Reply**

**ArtemisGaara: **That's good. Mm, angst is usually my kryptonite. I can't even write a proper sad scene *Fails at Fanfiction Angst 101* At least I can make you laugh though, huh, huh? *fails at Humour 101* damn, I can't catch a break.

**Rei-06: **I'm glad you liked it...and that you found it funny *smiles*

**Narue-Nara-chan: ***looks at Naruto's tails* Awww... You're welcome.

**Dust66: **What the hell do you mean by _that_? *checks dictionary* oh. Never mind. I'll have you know I _do_ update early. Ha! Hmph. Even if you throw a mug at me, it won't reach *smirks*

**Juura99: **Ah, mistress of all things nonsensical, how ya doin? When is Sasuke _not_ stupid and arrogant? He is both those things in every bit of Naruto since he left to join that wanker. Mm, the famous purple butt belt: For the gay ninja in you. Why must you promise me cookies I can't eat? Why must you torture me so?

LOL, you're just a pervert! And so was Jiraiya. I can't believe he's gone *cries* Kishimoto is lucky I can't hunt him down. I'd make him say Jiraiya faked his death and the Itachi that died was a clone. I mean, if he could find a way to bring all of Konoha back from the dead using adjusted Dragon ball Z methods, surely he could think something up for my two favourites? (Asuma didn't really affect me at all. I mean, it's sad he's gone but...eh, I'll survive). Also, Haku should come back! And Kisame! *goes into long rant about every character who has ever died in anime that I loved*...and in Gundam seed, Mu should have lived. *goes off topic* and in Eureka seven, where the hell did they go? Why did The End have to die? What the hell was with those creepy girls? *completely misses the point of this review reply*...and I told my brother it was _my_ cookie but he ate it anyway *out of breath* Um...you obviously get my point.

DAMN YOU! Okay, um, which chapter did I end it on? Sasuke nearly killing Kabuto?

Pshaw. Hedgehogs are lame.

**Narutolover6661: **teehee. You curse funny *smiles* I'm a girl XD

**Midnightsun7: **Thanks, will do...but, I'm done! *whaaa~~~~t* oh yeah. Story **complete** XD

**Chocolate-strawberry-leaf: **Wow. You make me actually sound deep *eyes water* thanks so much! School starts on Tuesday or Wednesday...back to campus and infrequent updates (of the sequel, lol)

**DEMONIC BLACKMAGIC: ***pours shame on Sasuke* mission accomplished. Well, it was a pretty short wait considering my usual rate of updates... XD

**Narudi18: **Aw man, don't cry! It's supposed to be funneh! Oh...yeah, my bad. Friendship with these two is easy to write...romance, not so much.

**Kittykatsaymeow: **Duly noted *beams* What first couple of chapters? Did I forget something important? Where? In real life, I never confront anyone so fiction helps. I can't even say "Oi dude, that's my car. It was stolen last week. See, my name is scratched onto the chairs,"... yes, I am a coward. Matrix is awesome! I'd stay connected to the machines! Safer that way.

**Neko No Sikaha: **Gai already read it. Which was why button 2 did not work for those who pressed it... It malfunctioned. Tsunade nick names? Me? Never? I mean, the Boobkage would not accept being disrespected like that. Sad *pause* in a good way? Uh huh. Shame on you! You must remember all Irish insults (unless that was in fact, _not_ an insult. In which case, forget it).

**Lilanimefan247: **Well, now that you've seen what happened next, I hope you don't hate me *sheepish smile*

**HugAZombie: **Um, sure. Although, I'm also married to Lunarious1000 and LadyLightly but why not? When's the wedding and can we have chocolate cake? Huh? Huh? Ooh, I tugged heartstrings? YES! I had no idea I knew how to play any musical instruments! Cookies as incentive...? *stares at virtual cookies* okay, fine.

**PuppetMaster55: **Hmph. Well, I'll just marry someone else then *huffs and stalks away* How dare you wink and nudge me without a marriage proposal? That's just _indecent_! Well, I think Kit is officially dead. For now XD Mm, Boobilicious (saying that hear could get you killed, haha). Yup, I have plans for those tails. Later. Not now. Much, _much_ later. When writing a lemon doesn't leave me staring at my screen, blushing and then deleting it.

**Pokemon-Sachi: ***points accusingly* YOU! Didn't I say to quit button-abuse? HUH? *sends ninja lawyers after you* They never learn...*sigh* Yay, being awesome is fun =) and you're welcome.

**Deb Coop: **I _do_ enjoy being addictive... But the story is over. For now XD read the sequel for more, if you'd like. And thanks

**Sasukeluver209: **I FINISHED THE F***ING STORY! *cheers in head* Nah, Hidan gets shit done (or, y'know, _used_ to).You can't distract me with a yaoi parade and- NO WAY, DOUJINSHI?

**Pen-Name-Kitsune-chan: **I did! At least, I think I did.

**Mu-149:** No excuses! You don't LOVE MEH! *bursts into tears* yeah, my goal wont be reached on this story *chuckles* but I guess there's hope for Destined maybe. Your brother (?) read one of my stories and mentioned you mentioning it and I was like "Aww... I should really write you a story!" So I kinda did...or y'know, dedicated one to ya... haha, Tsunade's names *sighs* those _were_ some pretty good names. I'm trying to finish some of the first. Like this fic and Falling for Him. Then it's onto Dark Masters. Destined and The Four Seasons are far from being finished. I'm thinking about twenty or more chapters before completion. But I _will_ do it *strikes author-who's-actually-completed-a-fic pose*!

**Samariaa: **When you wrote the love is strong, I chuckled, thinking "May the force be with you..." The United Fellowship of Fanfiction (dot) net? You just made that up, didn't you *eyes you suspiciously* I would have known of that organisation and taken over by now... You _don't _do your daily sit ups because of me? I'M FATTENING PEOPLE! NOOO! Yay, your most precious *fic blushes* You're welcome *beams* :D

**Rubymeetssapphonyx: **Okay, you know, being _that_ excited about an update implies my updates are rare. And they are not *ignores people yelling about rare updates* Angsty *bows head in shame* I'm sowi. Well, I have cousins with big boobs and though I don't use those names on them cause they are older than me and capable of beating the crap outta me, it helps to call them names in my mind. Well, either that or I came up with all those names specifically with Tsunade in mind. Which is most probably the case XD

**Vampydarkangel: **I approve of psyching yourself out! Haha, you make it sound like the fic is super long, you actually took bathroom breaks! XD Oh, new words *writes down words* can I use those in front of my grandparents? Explode! Explode...and then send me a picture.

**Roseoline Fox: **Lol, I have no idea about tons of things so I'll take your word for it. Don't worry, the sequel is definitely unneeded. You can end the story here if you like angsty sad-ish endings. XD

**Softdreamer: **Thanks so much XD I don't mind reviews at all (who would?)

**Thelastunicorn: **Thank you *pleased grin*

**Kage Kitsune no yami: **Breakeven is awesome! I love it! After you mentioned it, I just put it on replay and fell asleep. I think I just love The Script, period.

**KhairulJBlack: **Quit making up buttons! *Button squad attacks you* heh, that'll teach you... *listens to explosion noises and hums* I guess explosion noises mean something...bad...? XD

**7thtreasure: ***waves* HI! Damn it, move around with a chair and laptop so every time you're bored, sit down and y'know, pass the time not studying. I could give you the number of a good ninja terrorist organisation that could take care for your work _and_ school and leave you time for stories! Aw, you're just saying that *blushing* Hope you don't kill me for the cliff-hanger (Is it even a cliffy?) up top. Tsunade's boobs have been an obsession of mine (and Jiraiya's) for quiet some time. Their gravity-defying acts are simply amazing and must be studied. Well, I've been known to stay in the bathroom for almost two hours and _then_ wonder what the hell I was even doing in there. Yup, Sasuke's an ass. I totally agree. The world-domination-obsessed pedo's actually _did_ break it... Shame on them. I know how you feel except that school starts on Tuesday and I'm excited! But once the learning part starts, I'll miss home like nothing else.

**x-x**

**For DVDs of Sasuke and Naruto doing fluffy things, press 1**

**For DVDs of Sasuke and Naruto doing lemony things, press 2**

**For DVDs of Sasuke and Naruto doing absolutely nothing **_**and**_** a world domination How-To guide, press 3**

**x-x**

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